Divorce is such a taboo word, how can you succeed after divorce?
In my dealings, there are 5 things confident women do to succeed after divorce and l want to share them with you. These things are continually discussed in conversation when positive people talk about their previous relationship. They are now rebuilding their lives with energy and gusto to get on with their exciting futures. These women feel empowered and grateful.
Saying l was divorced made me feel and think, l was a second-class citizen. I felt people looked at me differently like l was a failure. Women saw me as a disappointment and men looked at me as if l was damaged and must be hard to live with. This may have been in my head, but for some time, this was how I felt. I look back now and realise these were my issues and no one else’s.
However, dealing with the stresses and conflict that goes hand in hand with ending a relationship, can produce erroneous thoughts. Lucky for me, this was at the height of my breakup and didn’t continue for long. How l showed up in the world has to do with no one else but me! And l needed to change my way of thinking and acting.
Talking to other successful people who have survived divorce there seemed to be five traits they all had in common:
1 Bigger Picture:
Most people who had found success or have succeeded after their divorce had a feeling inside. They felt something was missing in their lives. There was a bigger picture that they wanted to be part of. Some knew exactly what that was and just needed to execute their plan. Others, like me, had no idea, we only knew something big was on the horizon. With this feeling of expectation and a burning desire to make a change. Some may say, we blindly and carelessly put our futures in danger. However, I never thought like this; I trusted something profound inside which l can not explain.
Everywhere these days, we hear the word PURPOSE. I must say it is bantered around like confetti. Finding your purpose is not easy. If you have realised yours early on, you are one lucky person. I took 40 years to find mine. To me, your purpose comes from all the roads travelled just like my wrinkles. They show the life l have lead and the lessons I’ve learnt along the way. They are the jigsaw pieces which come together to form a perfect picture, and this my friends is your purpose. It is from your heartache that you can help and teach others. It is from your failures that you learn, grow and evolve. Just like a bodybuilder always pushing the boundaries and lifting heavier weights. The people who have been hurt the most, have the most to teach us. It is within this heartache that your purpose lays.
If you don’t live with love, why live at all? Every day, in all our dealings we must interact with respect. This quality allows us to move on with our lives and be grateful for everything that has happened. Even the bad times have taught us something. For me, l look back on my previous marriage and feel love deep in my chest. I have three beautiful children and 20 years of memories. While some may not be good, the majority are. These memories and experiences have made me the person l am today. When l talk to other successful divorcees, they say the same. It is what the adventure taught us and how we use those tools to benefit our future. Love for the past, present and future. For moving on, and showing up, life is too precious to live with regret, bitterness, hate and sorrow. These emotions only hurt us and no one else. As l talk about in my book ‘The Jelly Bean Jar’– your partner has no idea of the energy use hating them for how your life has turned out. In most cases, they have moved on. The only person being hurt by the hate is ourselves. So Love is the answer. Love is the cure for pain. Love is the light which will take us forward in our life.
Just like love, forgiveness is crucial to success after divorce. No one is ever blameless in a relationship break down. It takes two people to make a relationship work and two people to cause a relationship to fail. Your ex-partner, who you are angry with has no idea the pain and effort you are putting into feeling hurt. Spending time thinking about how you might get him back or think of his demise is pointless and a waste of energy. Put your thoughts into positive actions and watch how your life may turn around. Something as simple as forgiveness can make such a massive difference to your health and life in general. It opens you up to possibilities which may bring you future happiness and help you move on with elegance and pose. You don’t need to forget just forgive.
Belief is a little feeling that can turn your life around. Believing in yourself and what is possible is like a superpower. No one can take it away. It drives you for a better life. It energises you when you can barely keep your eyes open. It provides an air of ‘No one can take this away from me.’ The belief that you can do it on your own. This is an exciting point because just because you are doing it on your own doesn’t mean you have to do it by yourself. Find a team of experts to help and guide you, to become the person you want to be. You are the sum of the five people you spend your time with, so make sure they are who you want to be. Don’t let someone put you down or say you can’t. You just left a relationship because it wasn’t working and having negative connotations in your life. Do the same in your friendship groups. Believe you can and you will!
Divorce certainly doesn’t need to be the end of your life as you know it. It can be the turning point to a more fulfilled existence. It is all in how you look at it and the power of self-belief. It can be the time were you reevaluate what is essential and what is no longer. Your previous relationship is a wrinkle on your face which can add to your overall beauty. Respect the past and build your future and becoming the person you always wanted to be.
About the Author:
Tanya Somerton is the ‘Divorce Angel’, whose business is to facilitate a seamless and amicable divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’ Tanya provides a step by step process which limits cost and conflict that sees you achieving your most financially beneficial outcome possible, now and for the future.
She is also the author of The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering independence through Divorce. If you are looking to prevent any mistakes and save money this book is a must. Purchase your copy http://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/
For further help and support CONTACT Tanya here.