Divorce lessons from one in three Australian Marriages which are affected.
Divorce and family breakdown cost the Australia economy Billions of dollars every year. With $14 Billion in 2014 up to $2 Billion from 2012. Over 40% of marriages in the UK will end in divorce, with one in three lives now affected by it. In the US, around 50% of marriages will be dissolved.
While l often ponder the reason for such high numbers of relationships failing, this is not for me to fix.
I indeed am hungry for data and evidence to support a better understanding of the problems. The root course of the topic but simplifying the dilemma only makes the issues more confusing. But years from now when l have helped 100’s of people through their divorce l will hopefully have a clearer picture. Where l can educate couples, who are getting married and help them deal with rough times throughout their relationship. It is healthy to have ups and downs and have the ability and emotional maturity to work through problems, if preventable. So they can learn from the rest of us and avert the same mistakes, of those before them.
Deep inside l also realise there is no simple answer, and every couples circumstance is different. Requests which have been ignored by one partner can be a high priority for the other. Sometimes nothing we do can change our spouse, and we just have to draw a line in the sand. Realising that being alone is better than being unhappy.
On the other hand, being informed that things have to change and doing nothing about our partner’s concerns, we ignore the consequences. Thinking our partner will never leave. Until one day the decision is out of our control. In that case, we wished we had listened and acted. But it is now too late, and our reality, we have to accept.
In both cases, our emotions are heightened by our fight or flight responses. Confusing the situation even more as we deal with the hurt and confusion of our life. For me, being able to review solid, consistent data and seeing if maybe there are key factors we should be looking out for in our relationship lifelines could make all the difference. But this is my dream, and one-day l hope to prevent more divorces than l support.
In a report released at the start of 2017 ( HILDA – Household Income and Labour Dynamics Australia Survey).
Data collected over a period of 13 years from 2001 – 2014 was used to gauge the financial well-being of divorced couples and families. The conclusion of the survey was alarming for divorced women.
Women, men and children experience the financial consequences of divorce differently.
The effect of separation is, however, most marked for mothers with smaller impacts being observed for fathers.
The effects of marital status on wealth accumulation are dramatic.
The total value of assets owned by divorced individuals is substantially lower than that of married couples. This is due to joint homes being sold and super balances being split on separation.
Divorce has a significant impact on families’ financial well-being, whether they have children or not, both in the short and medium term.
While most families starting to recover economically five years post-divorce, there remains a significant gap in the financial well-being of divorced and married couple even five years later.
The negative effects of divorce on superannuation are most acutely felt by divorced mothers.
Nearly half of all divorces each year involve children.
Divorced mothers experience financial hardship more than couple families or families headed by a father who has been divorced. And with 97 percent of divorced households headed by divorced mothers in Australia.
Within 15 minutes of being introduced to a new client, I have some idea as to what their future will be.
Do l have a crystal ball you may ask, no I don’t? Sometimes, I am scared for their futures and if they have children, well aware of the difficulties that may lay ahead. Others will be fine as they come prepared, are assertive and have an outlook that will not be beaten.
For me, the results of this report are nothing that I don’t see every day. Empowering my clients to take control of their financial and emotional wellbeing is critical to their future success. Sometimes the lessons of a failed relationship are enough to change previous behaviours and clients go from being led by their other half to being the leaders. The moment l see this change, my heart sings. I had a prospective client last week, spend 10 minutes drilling me, for answers. She then explained how in my book ‘The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through divorce.’(which at the time I didn’t know she had read.) I continually reiterated the need for control and how clients must interview their experts just as they would if they were employing a staff member. She asked hard questions and certainly had control of our conversation. At this point, l know someone’s life is turning around. Needless to say, we are now working together on getting her the best outcome for her future.
At the time of your divorce having a supportive team and one that works for your best interest is the most important factor.
The feelings of isolated, being alone and not having people to trust. These are why my business does it differently. If you’re at your lowest point, choosing to work with businesses which may exploit that emotional situation, is not ok. Think carefully before choosing your team because as this report shows divorce can change your ability for a comfortable future. Don’t spend a fortune on a divorce, emotional decision-making is silly and may only cause you future hardship. Wanting to win the fight and then having nothing to rebuild your future is the height of stupidity. Thinking differently can save you money, mistakes and you may be surprised at your outcome.
As the report says, ‘But it is clear that financially no one wins from divorce.’ For more information please read for richer or poor
If you would like to have a chat about how we do help you achieve a seamless and amicable divorce, please give me a call.
About the Author:
Tanya Somerton is the ‘Divorce Angel’, whose business is to facilitate a seamless and amicable divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’ Tanya provides a step by step process which limits cost and conflict that sees you achieving your most financially beneficial outcome possible, now and for the future.
She is also the author of The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering independence through Divorce. If you are looking to prevent any mistakes and save money this book is a must. Purchase your copy here