‘Love is like a jar of jelly beans:
overflowing, sweet, bright and beautiful.’
As a little girl, I always loved fairy tales – I wanted my happily ever after.
Then, as a young teenager, I remember my mum
and I having a conversation about what love was. And mum, explaining
to me her analogy of ‘the jelly bean jar’. Mum said, ‘When people
fall in love with each other, there is a jar full to the brim with
bright, sweet, beautiful jelly beans. Those jelly beans represent their
love and commitment to each other. Over time, as the relationship grows and evolves, incidents happen, both good and bad. Pleasant actions increase jelly beans
and events that cause conflict remove jelly beans’.
In most stable relationships, these ups and downs come in ebbs
and flows. That makes a happy, healthy, productive relationship. Because
each partner is aware of their behaviours and especially the actions which will cause harm to their marriage or hurt the person they love. They address these conflicts in order to rectify their mistakes.
However, in some instances where one of the partners does not agree or is
completely unaware of their actions causing conflict, a single jelly bean gets
removed. Over the course of the marriage, depending on the
two individuals, the jelly beans will be withdrawn one at a time and
possibly never replaced.
Once this pattern starts to occur and there is no give and take, or
the partner in question is not addressing their poor behaviour. The
other partner starts to feel unloved, taken for granted and lonely. As the
jelly beans reduce, so does the chance of mending the relationship.
As the saying goes, for every action there is a reaction. Moreover, for you
to sustain a happy marriage, you need to make sure that
if one or the other partner does something wrong that you do
something to rectify that wrong – to, as my mum would
say, put the jelly bean/s back in the jar.
When l was married in my early twenties, I didn’t understand this concept.
However, two decades later l remember telling my then husband
that my Jelly Bean Jar was empty and it made perfect sense to me. I felt like the jelly beans were getting removed rapidly. And by the time he addressed the issues, my love for him had completely evaporated, and it was too late to savour our union.
When I explain this analogy to my lovely clients, it is crystal clear how
fundamental this concept is. Whether they are the person, who has fallen out of love with their husband or wife. Alternatively, they are the person who now realises things needed to change because they had been depleting the jelly beans.
It makes the rules of
Love, straightforward and provides us with abiding wisdom.
When l do talks and presentations, l always take small bags of jelly beans. I hand them out at the end of the discussion to my audience and prompt them to go home and treasure their Jelly Beans and to add mine to their jar.
It is important that you continually work on your relationship. Building and enduring over the years by putting in more Jelly Beans than you every take out.
You must be acutely aware of your actions and put your partner first. Wake up every morning asking yourself, ‘what can l do today to make my love’s life a little bit easier?’ This simple question every day will keep you in good stead to live a full and productive life together.
When two people treat each other this way, you will always be each other’s priority.
How splendid would it be to have jelly beans producing so
quickly that there was never enough room in your jar? They were all over the table, floor and throughout your house. I hope this is you!
This is the kind of relationship l am now working towards, and l look forward to a long and fruitful relationship after having learnt from my last and knowing the importance of my jelly beans.
Tanya Somerton is a divorce angel, whose business is to help women through divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’ Tanya has a ‘One stop divorce shop’ helping empower women to move on both emotional and financially, to live an independent and productive life. You can contact http://tanyasomerton.com/contact or follow her here on facebook.