Melissa Davis started her business After The Affair, when she saw a need in the market for help and support for the cheated partner. It is a very unique situation; the guilt, the embarrassment and shame. There needed to be a program to address his or her needs on how to heal and putting back the jigsaw pieces of your life.

Having been put in the position with a young baby, Melissa struggled to heal and move on after she found out about her husband’s affair. She wondered why she felt the way she did and continually asked herself, was she not good enough? What did she do wrong? She felt guilt, embarrassment and shame.

After separating and becoming a single mother, money was tight, and she did not have the funds to see a counsellor or therapist and went looking for a resource she could afford. There was nothing, so she decided to put it together herself to help others in the same position.

If you would like to know more follow the links below.

Links:

Take the free quiz to see if you are healing.

https://www.aftertheaffair.co/

Julia Kristina Counselling

https://www.aftertheaffair.co/julia-kristina

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxDddt9plueOLphBLyrdmPw

Melo Garcia

https://www.aftertheaffair.co/melo-garcia

Transcription:

Tanya: [00:00:00] Yeah, it’s pretty powerful, isn’t it? I think from my perspective, it’s interesting because, as I said, I’ve never ever dealt with what you’ve dealt with but I have clients who have gone through it and you can just see that they look broken. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle. You’ve got to put the pieces back together. It’s hard enough going through a separation or a divorce, but when you’ve got this additional trauma to deal with, it just makes it that much harder.

Melissa: Yeah, it’s not a fate I wish on anyone.

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Tanya: So let’s talk about this amazing business that you have. It’s called After the Affair. So you’ve talked about you saw that other people were struggling with it. So what was the catalyst for you to start this business? 

Melissa: Well, like I said, I start and sell businesses so I [00:01:00] understand– I understood how to create something from a business perspective that could help people and what I saw was this huge gap. There’s a lot of programs out there to restore relationships and marriages after an affair, there’s programs to heal the sex addict. There’s a lot of stuff but I didn’t see a whole lot that was just for the cheated partner. Just addressing his or her needs to heal because it’s very unique how you need to heal. And then I also saw– I saw all these reasons why I didn’t get help and here’s where they were, this is real honest, I was I felt a lot of shame. I felt so embarrassed like I was not good enough or we didn’t have enough sex or I wasn’t fun enough, and so I was so embarrassed to reach out for help. So there’s a lot of shame that I see out there. Then [00:02:00] by the time I had worked through that, I was broke as a single mother and I couldn’t have afforded help.

Then there’s just the whole time a lot of people have to take on several jobs and they can’t– They don’t have time to reach out and go see a therapist for an hour every week. So those three reasons that I saw myself not getting help and I saw other people not getting help, I specifically designed After the Affair to answer all of those needs. It’s online and you watch the video sessions whenever you want. I pretty much killed myself to price it really, really, really low. I wanted it to be super affordable. Actually, for every subscription we do, we give away a subscription to someone in need and this feels odd to me, but every single person that has. not every single but really close, probably 90% of the people that reach out for free [00:03:00] services are actually pregnant women who are just homeless like they’ve been completely abandoned. So we basically are filling that need.

I have to tell you I really tried to ignore this calling. For me this is a real big calling. Like I knew I needed to do this, but I ignored it for years because I was busy and I didn’t have time for it and I have little girls and I made every excuse there was but finally I just couldn’t ignore it. I just felt so pulled to creating this because I knew I could find the world’s best therapist and provide that kind of help to everybody for pennies.

Tanya: Yeah, there’s not too many businesses out there today because when we go into business it’s all about be able to get a return on our investment, those sorts of things. So to have a [00:04:00] program that is affordable for everyone is amazing. Obviously, you sent me some of your or one of your videos which I’ve watched and it’s full of information and it’s great to see the quality of what you’ve provided for the people going through this. Talk about the other two people that are part of this program with you.

Melissa: Yeah, there are amazing therapists. Like I said, my goal is to get the very best of the best. The people that most of us could never have afforded even if we’re quite wealthy and so I pulled it in Melo Garcia. She actually lost her daughter and then a week later discovered her husband had been cheating on her. She is a therapist but she’s also just gone through this grieving and mourning and loss like most of us never want to know. So [00:05:00] her advice and her direction is very practical, very, very useful. She’s amazing. The therapists, she’s pretty famous in the YouTube World, Juliet Christina. She is– I’d call her more of a textbook therapist. She’s really like, “You’re having triggers and this is why. This is what’s happening in your brain and your body wants to protect you and here– And this is okay.” She’s very psychology-based I’d say.

Then I’m the third person in the videos. The three of us are always together discussing these topics and I’m very Type A. “Okay, guys. But what do we do right now?” and kind of like interrogate them in a way to try to pull out that information that I know that I wanted and I know that everyone else with After the Affair is really looking for. So it’s very– I don’t know, I like to call us a badass group of women on a mission.

Tanya: [00:06:00] Yeah, so I get that after watching the video and I can see– Talk about your program. So the clients, once they’ve signed up, they get a video once a month, is it or once a week? How does that work?

Melissa: Yeah, they sign up and it’s eight weeks. So every week that get one session and then they’ll get homework and we’ll be encouraging them throughout the week to actually do the homework. After the Affair is an amazing program and I think that even if you are reaching out for therapy or doing anything else, it’s really great work to do on your own but it is not for everybody. There are people who are, I’d say, people who don’t want to be the victim and really want to take charge of their life. They want to move past this. They don’t want to carry this around forever. That’s who After the Affair is. The people who are willing to watch the sessions, to do the work. [00:07:00] We get emails, tons of them, every day from people that are going through the program and they’re all very similar. Just how much they’re changing, what they’re realizing, how much they’re learning to love themselves by themselves and the real practical ways to handle anxiety, panic attacks, and flashbacks.

Flashbacks are the freaking worst by the way. So yeah, it’s not for everybody but it’s definitely for those of us who, I guess, really fierce, really strong people who just want something else. They want joy again.

Tanya: Yeah, and I think that’s the common thread between what both you and I do is I’m very much the same. I want to work with people that, there’s no doubt, that come to me in victim mode and everyone who is going through a divorce, whether it’s your choice to leave the relationship or not, feels like they [00:08:00] are a victim. I definitely felt like I was a victim even though it was my choice to leave my marriage because the fact is is when we first got married and we said those vows we were. We had these aspirations that we were going to be with this person forever and we never thought it would turn out the way it did. So we all feel like we’re victim but to take that and to not live in that victim mode, but to get to, what I call, the victor mode. We take our clients from being a victim to a victor and then we can live these really fulfilled life.

Just like what you’ve done. You’ve turned that victim into a business where you help everyone else and, to be honest, I really think you found your purpose as such, haven’t you?

Melissa: I sure have and it’s like the most exciting work I’ve ever done. I love every minute.

Tanya: Yeah, when you get out of bed every morning and [00:09:00] nothing is an issue and you just can’t help to talk to the next person or to find out another way to make it better for someone else, it’s not work, isn’t it? It’s just you do it for the love of it.

Melissa: Oh, yeah. I mean even last night I was tired, but I had gotten a really beautiful email from a woman and I was so fired up I couldn’t sleep so I just kept working. I’m a little tired now because I didn’t sleep enough, but it’s just this beautiful passion. For me, it’s very interesting. When I discovered the affairs and years after, I would never have thought that something good could come out of it. That I could be better or stronger, braver and I see it happen over and over again. You can become braver and stronger and you can be very, very proud of who you become on the other side of divorce and other side of an affair.

Tanya: [00:10:00] Yeah, I love that and I think that’s really important because I talk about this quite a lot and it’s about our journey through life and I think things happen to us and at the time when they’re happening, we can’t deal with it, we can’t cope with it. But if we look at it as a gift, and that might sound really awful if someone’s had an affair on you, but that if they’ve had an affair on you, it means that they weren’t really the right person for you anyway, and if I look at where you are now and how happy you are, I’m sure you would not want to go back to where you were before. Is that right?

Melissa: Oh, yes. I think that with an affair, you don’t get that perspective for a while.

Tanya: Yes.

Melissa: You start healing, you have to start seeing that change in your heart. Once you start seeing it, you’re like, “Oh, this is happening.” If [00:11:00] you’ve newly found out about an affair and you’re still kind of in shock, it is not realistic for you to think that you should think about and feel like that. It’s okay to be angry and it’s okay to be hurt and crushed and kind of shocked, but eventually if you do choose to take the steps and move through the pain and try to go over it then you will see a person that you will be really proud of.

Tanya: That’s amazing and I’m sure you’ve got some of those stories to tell of some great women that– Because you helped me as well too, don’t you?

Melissa: Yeah. Most of our subscribers are women, but we do have a good number of men and actually it’s interesting. Almost, at least the stats here in the US, almost the same number of women report of cheating as men do here. I think that the women just are [00:12:00] more prone to reach out for this type of help.

Tanya: Well, this has been an amazing podcast. I love what you do and I am sure we are going to do some more stuff together in the future because I think we’re very aligned in how we’re trying to help people get through this awful period in their lives. Tell me where people can find you. 

Melissa: Yeah, we are online at aftertheaffair.co. You can also find us on social media After the Affair on Facebook and Instagram and YouTube actually. You can find us everywhere.

Tanya: Yep, you’re all over the place. And as I said, I’ve been stalking you lately and you put out some really, really good information, and some thought-provoking memes and stuff on Instagram. Which had great. Well, thank you so much for your time today and [00:13:00] everything that you do to help people that are going through an affair. I think your price is $8.98 a session. Is that right? Like it’s so cheap.

Melissa: I know. I think some people are like, “Are you sure this is right?” Yeah, it’s just 35 US dollars a month. So we just do two monthly charges. So yeah, that was the goal. I wanted to be less than ten dollars a session and I was told it couldn’t be done so I did it anyway.

Tanya: Yeah, that’s awesome. Well, you have certainly turned something traumatic and terrible into a purpose and I am very happy to, not only, have you on the podcast, but hopefully for us to do some more in the future. So thank you so much for giving up your Saturday night in America, and it’s Sunday morning here in Australia. But thank you so much for giving up your Saturday night to talk to me and I will put in the show notes all of [00:14:00] your social media handles and how people can find you. Thanks so much for everything you do.

Melissa: Yes. Thank you to you too. I love the work that you do and your passion to help women navigate through this really hard time. So thanks so much for having me.

Tanya: Thanks, Mel. So listeners, thank you once again for your time. This is the divorce Angel podcast, and I will talk to you again next week. Bye for now.

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