Who Are You Listening To

Choosing the right person for advice during our divorce could be the difference between having an amicable separation or living a nightmare. 

In this episode, we will talk about who we seek advice from when going through a divorce. We will talk about why we should avoid listening to people who are not in the place we want to go or those who never went through a similar situation in their lives. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

Why some people make the mistake of offering help even when they can’t help much [00:03:00] 

What should someone who wants to help do when asked for advice [00:06:00] 

Why contacting a professional can offer a whole different perspective [00:09:00] 

What is the agenda of those helping us? [00:11:00]

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast of the divorce angel podcast. Um, I’m sitting today at my desk recording this podcast. Usually not at the allotted time when I would typically do it because I feel this need to share a message. This is sort of very unlike me because I usually plan them.

But this message, I feel you need to hear. If you were going through a separation right now, I want you to look around and ask yourself who are actually helping you get through it. Who are the people that are actually helping you get through it? And do they have the correct agenda? Are they there for the right reasons?

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Now you might think to yourself. Yes, of course. Everyone that’s helping me right now is here for the right reasons. And they probably look like that, and maybe they really are helping you. But the reason I’m talking about this today is that I had a phone call this afternoon from someone that said, look, I’m helping a friend from school go through a divorce. And I’m just letting you know that this is what I’ve done. Can you, you know, make sure that that’s okay? So forth and so on. Now, you wouldn’t go to a plumber to give you brain surgery. You just wouldn’t do it. You’re not going to go to a builder and ask them how to bake a cake.

So why would you ask someone that has no idea about how to get divorced? Who has never, ever been through a divorce, what you should do and why you should do it? It doesn’t make sense. Think about it. It doesn’t make sense because the information that this person was given to their friend was utterly incorrect.

It actually would have got the friend that he’s going through the divorce. It would probably get them into a more difficult position. It would probably take longer. It would probably cost them more. And I got so frustrated because I thought. Okay, here it is. And you’re giving me a call to ask me what to tell your friend.

Why wouldn’t you just get your friend to call me and speak to an expert, talk to someone that actually knows what to do and how to make your friend’s life easier. And then I realized because actually, you know what, it wasn’t about the friend who was going through the separation. It’s about the person. It’s about the person wanting to be or wanting to feel needed, wanting to feel like they’re making a difference in their friend’s life.

And, you know, let’s, it could actually be that they do have the right, the right reasons. Or it could just be that there’s someone that needs to feel like they are doing something for someone else. Hopefully, this makes sense because it’s very frustrating for me to hear of people who have taken advice, especially from friends and family who have never, ever been in the situation you’re in right now.

You would not ask someone for advice if you did not want to be in the same position as that person. Let me repeat that. This is a lesson that I learned many years ago. You would not ask someone for advice if you did not want to be that person. So what would you ask for advice from someone that is not in the same position as you?

Let me explain when I was going through my divorce, and I wanted to find a way to become financially free. Why would I go and listen to someone who was struggling with money? Someone who had no idea what it was like to invest in property, mainly because if they’re not successful in property, they will tell me all the negative things, the things that went wrong.

And I can see the evidence from what they’re telling me that they didn’t have the appropriate skills or make the right decisions. Therefore, they’re not the people I want to listen to when it comes to property. I want to listen to the people that are succeeding. Stressful. The people who have made the right decisions, the people who have done the due diligence, different from everyone else because they’re the people who have the case to my success.

I want to be the sum of those people. And the more time I spend with the people who will lift me up and educate me and what I need to do, the quicker I’m going to get to the outcome that I want. So listening to someone that is not where I am is not where I need to go because maybe they’re already married.

Maybe they’ve never been married. Perhaps they’ve never, ever been in the situation that you’re in right now. Why would you listen to them? Well, why would you take advice from that person? Something I want you to think about because what. Is there a plan? Is there a plan to support you? Because if they’re there to keep you, they’re not going to tell you what to do.

They’re going to listen to you. They’re going to ask you, are you okay? You’re going to provide you with food and all that sort of stuff. They’re not going to get you advice because they don’t know the answers to the questions, and the problem is when you’re going through a separation. The more questions you ask, the more questions that are to be answered.

So make sure when you’re going through this stage. If you talk to the right people, you have the right people on your team, the people who will help you get through these quickly and with as little heartache and as little hurt as possible. We want to make this easy for you, not harder. So I’m sure you can hear my frustration in my voice during these podcasts because I hung up the phone, and I thought to myself, You’ve made this person’s life harder than it needs to be. I had no idea what to tell them. They had no idea about the steps. They didn’t know about the legal side, that he know what they needed to do financially. And I wondered to myself when I hung up, was this really about the friend?

Or was it about the person that I was talking to because why wouldn’t they have just put them on the phone to me to make it easier for them? Didn’t make sense. And I remember when I go back and think about my own divorce, it was people in my circle at the time. I no longer see those people, but at the time, they were in my circle of friends that were telling me what to do. They’re encouraging me.

And at the time, I thought they were encouraging me and being supportive. But I look back now and think, well, actually, if I didn’t take that advice, maybe I wouldn’t have made this decision. I wouldn’t have made this mistake. It may not have taken longer than it did. I may not know any of that to be accurate, but I know I could have done things better if those people weren’t telling me what I needed to do because, let’s be very honest right now at this stage of your life, where you are, you are very vulnerable.

You were very vulnerable, and someone must protect you. And if you’re not capable of protecting yourself, make sure the people around you, your confidence, the people you trust. Make sure that they are there for you and supporting you, not telling you what to do. No one should be telling you what to do unless they are an expert in this area.

They should be listening. They should be holding your hand. They should be caring for you. They should be coming even with you. If you need them to, to an appointment with a professional. But they should not be telling you, do this, do this, do that, do that. Because if they are, you need to ask yourself what is their agenda?

And the reason this is so important is that, in many cases, these people actually love and care for you. It is possibly so much that they think that the actions or support they’re giving you will make it happen quicker. The best advice anyone could give you would be to try and get this done as quickly as possible and be amicable.

If they’d telling you to start a war, if they’re telling you, don’t let them get away with that. You need to stand up for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with standing out yourself, but just be mindful of the consequences that happened. If you go to war, because Wars are expensive, was a very, very expensive.

And the truth of the matter is if you go back through history, no one wins from a wall. There are only losers on both sides. Even if someone puts their hand up and says that they won. And you don’t want to be in that position. You want to find a way to make it amicable because life’s too short of having regret life’s too short of having made a decision that you think twice about.

I’m telling you this because I’m on your side. And I want to just warn you. You might have no one at the moment in your life that is like this. Or you might have a few people around you, and this might just be a little wake-up call for you to think about what they’re telling you. And to really ask yourself, is this the best step for me?

Because it’s got to be about you, not about the person that you’re taking the advice from. It’s gotta be about you and what you want and how you feel and what support would best make your life easier?

So that’s it for this week, just a real quick one, but I felt the need to just voice these concerns because you must get the right support network and get the right advice. If you need some help from me, you know, where I am popping in my Facebook group at the Divorce Angel Facebook group, you can email me at tanya@tanyasomerton.com.au or tanya@divorceangel.com.au.

And I will do everything. And I mean, everything I can to try and make your life easier. And hit you in the right direction with all of my skills, my network of experts and my own experiences. That’s what makes me stand out from other people because I’ve been where you are. I’ve done what you were doing.

I know what it’s like, and it doesn’t matter what someone says. It’s a difficult time, but we can make it easier if you take the proper steps. All right. My friends that sit for this week, I hope you have a fantastic week, and I’ll talk to you again soon.

 

 

Recent Episodes

Who Are You Listening To

Choosing the right person for advice during our divorce could be the difference between having an amicable separation or living a nightmare. In this episode,...

read more

Learn To Like Yourself

It might happen that our ex-spouse did or said something that hurt us, and even after some time, we can't get over it. And we might even be in our right of...

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Walk Through Your Feelings

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Learn To Like Yourself

Learn To Like Yourself

It might happen that our ex-spouse did or said something that hurt us, and even after some time, we can’t get over it. And we might even be in our right of feeling wounded but, if we don’t let it go and learn to forgive, we’ll stay trapped in anger or resentment. The thing is, whatever we think or feel about others is a reflection of how we think of ourselves. That is why it is massively important to learn to like ourselves. 

In this episode, we will talk about the secret of becoming lovable again, letting go of what is hurting us, and learning to like ourselves. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

My experience living in a place of bitterness and anguish [00:03:00] 

What happens when we stop trusting ourselves [00:06:00] 

Why we shouldn’t worry about filling somebody else’s expectations about us [00:09:00]

The importance of controlling the negative narrative in our heads [00:10:00]

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Somerton. In today’s podcast, I wanted to talk to you about learning to like yourself. Because so many of you, and I know these for a fact, so many of you don’t like who you’ve become. You don’t like the way you’ve behaved. You don’t like the things that you’ve said. You may even be angry about the fact that you’ve said you’re going to do something and you haven’t done it. And then, all of a sudden, you start hating on yourself. You begin that monkey mind going around and around saying, do you know what. I can’t do this. I can’t believe I didn’t get this done.

All of the things

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that we are so busy living our lives and dealing with on top of that, going through a separation or a divorce just adds to the complexity. And it’s just too much. It’s gotta stop. It’s gotta stop. It’s not okay for you to be putting so much pressure on yourself, and you deserve to be loved.

Now, here’s the thing. You need to love yourself first before someone else will find you lovable. And it’s one of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned. And it’s something that I teach a lot of my clients in my Restore Me program. You must love yourself first. You must feel worthy. You must know that you are everything that you could ever be.

Now it’s okay for us to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but many of us aren’t forgiving. Here’s a little tip. Think about the situation you’re in right now. Are you forgiving of your partner? Are you forgiving of what he or she may have said or done? Are you forgiving for the situation you’re in and accepting of it, or are you angry and bitter? Then what I want you to do is I want you to look in the mirror, and I want you to look at yourself straight in the face and tell me that you do not feel those same feelings about yourself. Because he’s the trick, my friends, what we feel for someone else and what we project to other people, we think of ourselves.

And having lived there and being a little bitter through a period until I really got to know and understand this stuff that I talked to you about. I projected those same feelings that I had for my ex-husband onto myself. When I didn’t like him. I didn’t want me when I was angry at him. I was furious at myself.

I was angry for getting into the position I was in. I was mad for not standing up for me. I was mad at him, but really I was angry at me.

And when. I realized all of this, and I realized whatever I projected on the outside, I felt on the inside.

It gave me the answers to the problems. So for you right now, I want you really, I want you to look around at your life. And see where you are feeling negative emotions. Where is it that you really don’t like your life? You don’t like what’s going on. And then be honest with yourself, because if you’re not honest with yourself, no one else ever will be.

And the only person that really that’s getting harmed. You’re hurting yourself when you’re not being honest. Okay. So if there’s something not working in your life, it’s not someone else’s fault. It has never been. It’s actually your fault. It’s my fault. When things aren’t working in my life, it’s my fault.

When I feel like projecting whatever it is and I’m feeling internally on to others. That’s when I know I need to go and spend some time addressing whatever it is. It’s upsetting me when I’m frustrated. When I feel like I’m about to blow my top. Not that that happens very often, if at all, not anymore.

Anyway, but when I look back. It was because I was frustrated. It was because I didn’t know how to deal with what it was I was feeling. And let’s be honest. It’s easier to blame someone else than it is to blame ourselves. Or it’s easy just to blame ourselves one or the other, most of the time, the situation we get into.

It is because of things that we’ve done wrong, we’ve done incorrectly.

I’ve spoken about this before, but it also comes back to trusting when we find ourselves in situations where things haven’t worked out, and this may be you right now. We struggle to really trust our own opinions. We struggled to trust our own decision-making skills. And when we do that, we second guess everything.

And then we start saying, you know, we’re not good enough. We can’t do this. I’m not strong, strong enough. I’m too dumb. I don’t have enough money. I don’t have the education. I dunno; whatever your story is that you’re telling you, you need to learn to just get rid of it. It’s not helping you one beat.

So you need to, you need to learn to like yourself first to start with liking yourself. And then from liking yourself, you can fall in love and falling in love with you is the start of your new life. When you learn that you should come first. What happens then is every decision you make comes from a place of love because it doesn’t come from a place of you feel like you’re being taken for granted.

It’s not like you feel like you’re, you know, um, being disrespected, you do things because you want to do them, not because you have to do them. And then when you do something, because you. You like doing it; you do it better. You have a better outcome. You love your life more because it’s no longer a chore.

It’s now an adventure, and that’s what’s so important about learning to like yourself.

Good. Biggest question. You can ask yourself right now is. Are you the person you thought you would always be? Are you in the position that you thought you would be? And if you’re listening to this podcast right now, the answer to maybe one or both of those questions might be no. And that’s what’s so important to learn to like yourself again because sometimes the universe puts us in positions.

That we never expected. We never asked for them, sometimes we never even deserve them, but depending on how we look at them, it could be a gift. It could be a challenge that just teaches us new skills. It could be that next thing that takes us to the following prominent place that we were meant to be. And I’ve spoken about this before.

Sometimes we don’t like ourselves because we feel like we just haven’t met our expectations from other people. Or sometimes we don’t like ourselves because we feel like we haven’t succeeded. Like we thought we would, or we haven’t fulfilled our purpose. And the day that I realized that maybe my purpose was just simply to have my daughter and my daughter was going to be the next thing that changed the world.

Suddenly, all of that pressure I felt about not completing enough, not doing enough, simply dissipated and disappeared. And when it disappeared, So much more just happened because I let go of the tension, the tension and the pressure that I was feeling.

So this is a concise podcast today. But think about what I’ve said, think about learning to love yourself. Stop the negative narrative. That’s going around in your brain. That’s telling you you’re not good enough. You can’t do this and make it positive. Even if you can just hear it and say, stop it and don’t continue it because you wouldn’t talk to anyone else the way you speak to yourself.

So it’s not okay. And the consequences of this behaviour or to have this negative narrative that’s going around in your mind is that you will never be enough. You will never like yourself. And how sad would that be? Because each and every one of you is amazing. Each of you can change the world just a little bit, even if it’s only the people in your life, but you can make a difference, even if it’s just a slight difference, it could just be one person.

And like I spoke about with my daughter, it could be that just one person that’s going to make the difference in the world. It doesn’t need to be, you know, a massive sporting arena of people. It could be just a straightforward person that you have under your wing that you contact with, that you speak to all the time, and that person could be the person that’s going to make the difference to assets.

So don’t be angry with yourself. Learn to like yourself first, and then from enjoying yourself, you will fall in love again. All right. That’s it for me this week. I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye. For now.

Recent Episodes

Who Are You Listening To

Choosing the right person for advice during our divorce could be the difference between having an amicable separation or living a nightmare. In this episode,...

read more

Learn To Like Yourself

It might happen that our ex-spouse did or said something that hurt us, and even after some time, we can't get over it. And we might even be in our right of...

read more

Walk Through Your Feelings

When someone asks us how are we doing, we usually answer everything is okay, even when it is not. For whatever reason, we tend to hide our feelings, not...

read more
Walk Through Your Feelings

Walk Through Your Feelings

When someone asks us how are we doing, we usually answer everything is okay, even when it is not. For whatever reason, we tend to hide our feelings, not accepting them, denying them, in a way. 

In this episode, we will talk about the effects that practice can have on our lives and, most importantly, our future. I want to invite you to know the benefits of walking through your feelings. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

Not everyone gets through a divorce in the same way [00:03:00]  

Why we tend to hide our feelings from people [00:06:00]

What happens when we get stuck in what could’ve done different [00:09:00] 

My mother’s lesson about love and the jellybeans jar [00:12:00] 

The questions we need to ask ourselves [00:15:00] 

It’s okay to let go [00:18:00]

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Book: David R. Hawkins – Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Somerton. And I just wanted to welcome you here today. If you’ve been a long-term listener. Thank you. I really appreciate the time that you give up to spend with me. And I really do hope that. Some of the content that I’m talking about is making a difference to you.

If you’re new to the podcast, welcome; I’m so happy and grateful that you’ve decided to leave. If you’d really like to get some more information about the fundamentals of going through a divorce, I really suggest you go back to the start and work out what you need to put together. What’s important and how critical it is to have all of your ducks lined up, especially when it comes to the legal side. 

So making sure you have everything you need in order.

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And if you go back to the start of the podcast, there’s a lot of fundamental episodes back there that could really make a difference to you and save you a fortune in legal fees. And it could also just give you one or two tips that could make such a difference to how you act with your ex-partner. 

So, today I wanted to talk to you about walking through your feelings. Now let’s be honest. We all have feelings, and no one can tell us what is right and what is wrong. 

If what we’re feeling is the right feeling to have, or whether that’s just ridiculous. Because no one knows what each and every one of us is going through.

Like, let’s be honest. You can have two people going through the same divorce and acting in entirely different ways. You would think that, you know, they’ve both been married to each other for some time. 

So, therefore, they should be feeling roughly the same things, but they don’t, they simply don’t; there’s so much going on in our life, in our history, how we’ve been bought up the stories we tell ourselves such as such massive things, because of the levels.

It’s been a few months now, whatever the case may be, whatever someone is telling you, just listen to you, listen to what your intuition is telling you because that’s what’s most important. If you need to work through your feelings and take longer than you expected, then maybe it’s time to see someone about it.

But this is not something that you get over straight away. And like I talked about in last week’s episode about morning, you have to let yourself mourn. You are mourning the loss of something. Very, very important. It’s been something you’ve put your blood, sweat, and tears into. It’s something you’ve had these wishes and aspirations of, you know, fantastic outcome.

Maybe you thought you were going to be with your partner till the day you died. And even that alone is enough for you to feel the feelings. Now, emotions are important because you would not be human if you didn’t touch them. 

So feeling the feelings is good. As much as it might be painful. It’s also good because it tells you that you’re alive.

It tells you that you’re OK, but you’ve got to work through them. So the belief is, you know, we shouldn’t show people that we’re upset. We shouldn’t show people that we’re hurting when people. Or when someone says, are you OK? We go, yeah, of course, we are. Yeah, everything’s fine, no problem at all. When deep down, we’re not, maybe not even deep down, it could be very, very, you know, just below the surface.

And if anyone pokes hard enough, you’re likely to burst and. I’ve been there. I remember thinking that I had it all together. I remember thinking that I could bluff everyone, but then what I found was I had so many balls in the air. I was juggling so much. I felt so much pressure to be perfect, to be able to get on with it.

I didn’t want other people to worry about me, especially my family. And I was saying, no, no, this is all I care. I’ve got this under control, but then one little thing happened. And that was enough for me just to go into this intense depression because it takes a lot of energy to sit today, strong all of the time.

Yeah, it takes a lot to pertained because, for me, I’d pretended for so many years that I was happy in my marriage, even when I wasn’t. When it comes to the freedom of putting the steps in place to improve my life, rather than get more accessible, it got more challenging for some time, actually, a lot harder, you know. Still, looking back now, I had to deal with all of that to become the person I am today.

I had to deal with all of those emotions to understand what pain really was because it’s the feelings, the feelings that I was, I was giving meaning to. So I felt like I was lonely. I would then have this story about why I’m lonely because no one wants to be with me, or the reason I’m lonely is that I’m not good enough.

Or the reason that I’m lonely is no one can please me had all these things twisting around, going through my hate. And none of it was true, but at the moment, I was trying to put meaning to the feelings that I was having. You know, if, for instance, your partner may have left you, you might be putting stories to what you’re feeling about how you’re not good enough.

You might be thinking to yourself. I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. Um, certainly. Looking back could have tried harder, could have done more, could have been more. And my friends, that is, is simply your interpretation of what may have happened because having dealt with divorces now, for an extended time, I can honestly tell you sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes it has nothing whatsoever ever to do with you. Sometimes it’s just that the other person has changed. What they want in life is different. It could simply be that they no longer are the person that you married. And I witnessed this in my parents’ relationship.

My dad had been in a Naval accident when he was in the defence force, and the ship sank. And after 16 years of marriage, he got PTSD, like really, really bad due to my brother’s age, because someone in his cabin was the same age as what my brother was at the time. And my dad did not cope well at all.

And he really was in the wrong place now. The consequence of this was that my mom had to deal with it. And she couldn’t because my dad changed. And this is a really personal story that I’m sharing with you right now, just to make the point.

Sometimes things happen that are outside of your control. Sometimes it’s just not your fault that your relationship isn’t working anymore. Sometimes the other person has changed, whether it be for good, whether it be for bad and that the two of you together no longer work. Now, the beauty of that is if you stay longer than you should, you’re wasting ease.

But at the time, it feels so painful that you just can’t even. It’s been my fault. I’m not good enough. You know, I haven’t tried hard enough. I could have done more. Whatever it is that you’re, you might be telling yourself it’s not true. It’s not true. And if the other person is telling you those things, they’re also a fever because when someone really wants marriage to work, they try harder.

They do more; they put in a hundred per cent. I was actually telling my mom this today when we had our conversation. And I said to him, you know what, mum, I. I really get upset when I hear someone say, I’m not going to do X, Y, or Z because you know, my husband or wife won’t do X, Y, and Z, because if neither party is trying, of course, it’s not going to work.

And you’ve heard me say before in my marriage now, But talk about the jelly beans. And if you’ve never heard about the jelly beans before, I have a book called the jelly bean jar, and the reason it’s called the jelly Bain jar was that when I was a little girl, And my mom and dad separated. My mom explained to me that when you fall in love, you will give a jar of bright, beautiful jellybeans, and every time someone does something wrong at jelly, Ben gets removed.

Now, if you don’t do something to replace or to replenish the jelly bane, eventually, what happens over the lifetime of a relationship, whether that be short term or long term. Given how bad the other person is, or how many mistakes or things that they’re doing. And they’re not replenishing the jelly bean jar.

And it could be simple as lets, for instance, say, it’s your turn to put the bin out, and you don’t put the bean out, and someone’s got to get out of bed. You know, the other party’s contacted to get out of bed and take it out. And then you don’t apologize. Whatever it could be, something as is meaningless as that, but that’s enough for a jelly Bain to be removed.

So what I do in my marriage now, my husband and I know that this is what we do. We have jelly beans everywhere; I am ever doing whatever I can to make sure that I’m making his life easier. And 100% does he do that for me? Every day. I know that he’s doing something caring for me. He could be exhausted yet.

He still comes home, and we’ll cook dinner. And I said to him the other day, Hey honey, why do you come home and cook dinner? When you know, I can do it. And he goes because I know you like it. When I do it now, that’s just him putting more jelly beans in the jelly bean jar. And that’s what marriage is all about.

It could just be my simple way of explaining it, but it’s just that simple. When dealing with our feelings, if we don’t address them, we don’t get to the root cause of why we’re feeling it. Then it just stays, and it lingers. And then what we do is we take it into our next relationship. So not long ago, I spoke about a book called letting go, and I’ve talked to a few clients about letting go as well.

And we’ve gone through the little exercise, and I want to do that right now with you. So, if you’re feeling an emotion right now, if you’re feeling a feeling and you can’t actually name it, what I want you to do is to sit down in a quiet place. It could be in a chair, or it could be lying on your bed.

And I want you to feel the emotion you’re feeling like, where is it in your body? Is it in your head? In your heart, in your stomach, in your back, where is it that you were feeling this emotion, and when you close your eyes, and then you just feel it like you actually feel it. And then what I want you to do is while you’re feeling this emotion, ask yourself if you know what it is.

What is it that you’re feeling? Is it anger? Is it resentment? Is it longing? Is it love? Is it loneliness? Is it fear?

Is it being frightened, angry, feeling invisible, exhausted, miserable? What is the feeling that you are feeling, and then once you’re able to actually feel it in your body with your eyes closed, as you’re laying or sitting quietly, just feel it and accept it, accept it for what it is because it’s, it’s telling you something?

It’s telling you that it’s OK to feel the way you are, or it’s telling you that I get why you think the way you’re feeling. And then once you thought it and you’ve accepted it. OK. I want you to thank it for being there. I want you to say to the feeling, thank you. I appreciate that you are actually here.

Telling me that this is OK to feel a name. Just let it go. OK. Once you’ve accepted it and you love it for telling you that it’s OK. Just let it go. Because this is the difference. My friends, when you get up every day, and you feel something, and you feel it over and over and over again, and you do nothing about it, and you just ignore it, just look at the bed, smell. 

It keeps coming back time and time and time again. It’s trying to tell you something; it’s trying to warn you of something. It’s trying to prepare you for something. It’s trying to teach you a lesson. OK. So except it love it. Be grateful for it. And if you do this the right way, I promise you, it will never come back.

It will disappear. It will be gone. But you can’t deal with all of the feelings at once. So you can only do these one feeling at a time. So I talked to a D client of mine, Sharon, not long ago, and I was giving her this process. And I know she’s probably listening right now. A shout out to Sharon, and I was telling her about how I had a toothache.

And if you know my story, I have through stress at my previous job and grinding my tastes so much and having to have acupuncture in my jaw. I have split. Nearly all of my teeth and my dentist have done such a great job at rebuilding them all, but the stress has really taken its toll on my teeth. So not long ago, I felt a bit of a toothache coming on, and I thought, Oh geez, golly, gosh, another root canal coming up.

So, what I did is I went to bed that night, and I felt the pain. I didn’t take any medicine. I felt the pain, and I can tell you right now, the more I pictured it in my mouth, and I could pinpoint the tooth that footballs and more intense. There’s no doubt about it. The pain got more intense, but then what I did.

Is, I was grateful for my teeth. I was thankful for how they allowed me to eat food. You know, how they held my face together. How I do, even though they’re split, have sweet teeth. And so I was so grateful for everything, and I felt the love for my teeth in my soul. I felt it. And I was just going over and over for probably about 10 minutes.

All of the great things that my teeth have allowed me to do. The sued that they’ve enabled me to eat. And. I really did that. The pain got worse, but all of a sudden, the more I thought about all of the great things that my teeth had led me to do, the pain just disappeared, and I kid you not, it disappeared instantaneously, and it has never come back.

It’s gone because I’ve trialled this method in different parts of my life. And I can tell you, it works. So that’s what I want you to do. I want you to work through your feelings. I want you to accept them. Appreciate them; love them because they’re warning you. There, they’re protecting you. They’re telling you that it’s OK to feel the way you do and then be so grateful for them.

Be so happy for your body telling you that it’s OK to feel the way you do. Appreciate it. Appreciate what it’s telling you. And then just let it go. And don’t come back. It’ll be gone. And then you can move on. You can start to move on.

All right. My friends, that’s it for me this week. If you’d like to know more about that book that I was just talking about, and that process is called the letting go process. And it’s the pathway of surrender. It’s a great book; I have listened to it over and over and over again. And I use the technique regularly.

It’s something very unique, made a difference to my life and many people around me. And I hope it makes a difference. Sorry. I hope it makes a difference to yours as well. All right, that’s it for me. And I’ll talk to you again next week. Bye. For now.

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Who Are You Listening To

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Let Yourself Mourn

Let Yourself Mourn

Letting go when we are going throw a divorce is perhaps one of its most complex parts. And not only let go of assets and lifestyle but also people. It is a painful process, and it is entirely normal to feel sad, and it is perfectly understandable to mourn all our losses. But we need to be careful of not getting stuck in that mourning; we need to learn how to move from that place. 

In this episode, we will discuss the importance of giving ourselves time to mourn and a deadline to stop doing it. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps:

A few of my ex-husband’s stories [4:59]

How it was for me the internal growth process [6:09]

What are the things that hold us back [9:03]

The rewards we get and what they are valuable for us [11:08]

The incredible story of the women that acted as a connector between two families [14:38]

Links

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey, everyone, and welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Somerton. For those of you who don’t know me, I run a business called Divorce Angel, helping people who just can’t put the pieces of divorce together. Because I have been through it myself, especially at a specific time in my life, I thought that there was nothing more. I felt that I was getting too old. And this was all there was. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about today. 

Because when I recall how I felt when I got the courage to go, you know what it’s time to move on. I realized that there was so much that I had hoped and dreamt of that I was letting go.

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So I had to make a decision. Do I stay where I am? Or do I let go of all of those dreams and aspirations that we could have built together as a couple? Because, you know, if you work at it, I suppose there’s potential, right? 

There’s potential if you’re prepared to give up other things. So if I was prepared in my life to give up, let’s say, for instance, freedom, because I was longing for freedom, because I felt controlled a lot of the time. So freedom for me was something that was so incredibly important. So if I was prepared to give up freedom, and to be honest, I have spoken about this before, this void in my stomach of feeling lonely. 

I felt so lonely, even though I was in a house full of people. And I didn’t want to feel that void inside of me. And as years have gone on, I realized that possibly the hole wasn’t so much even my marriage, but it was the void in me as far as what I could give back to the world. And it was the void in not feeling my own potential in life. 

And you might relate to these. And you may not either, but what I wanted to talk to you about today is that it’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to mourn and to work through everything. Because we don’t actually know. We don’t know what our future might look like. And all of us sit there and hope for the best we work towards what could be better than what we’ve got today, right? So what happens is, when our marriage falls apart and we find ourselves separated, we think that we’re actually going three or four or five or 10 steps backwards in life. And that is also what we’re mourning. 

So we’re sitting, considering, how is it that I found myself here have worked so hard. I’ve built these assets, I’ve got some money in the bank, I’ve got superannuation, or whichever country you’re from, you know, whatever it is that you put aside for your retirement. 

You think, Wow, I’ve worked all of this time. And now. Now it’s got to be divided. And rather than spending it together on whatever it was that, that I thought our future would look like, I’ve now got a proportion or a portion of this amount. 

And I have to survive on this plus, whatever asset you’re getting out of your separation financially, and that can be so hard. And many of us, especially me, I was brought up a good Catholic girl, you know, for me, the belief was that you never get divorced. The idea for me was that I’d found my prince charming and had to remain married to him. 

Because I’ve said this before, my ex-husband, he’s a good guy. He made some mistakes. But Jesus is a good father. My kids are fortunate to have him, and I’m lucky that he is the father of my children. So it’s not like, Yeah, he didn’t bash me he didn’t do anything wrong. He just had his own history. And from his past, he had habits, and from those habits, he had beliefs, and from those beliefs, he had actions, and I then become a consequence of how he was bought up. 

And that’s what happens in so many of our lives, we meet someone, and they’re already trained in who they are. And we either accept them for who they are. Or if we can’t get it, we have no choice but to move on. And that’s pretty much what you know what happened to me. 

I believe that I should be staying married to this man for the rest of my life. So thinking now that all of a sudden, you know, the holidays, the assets, the business, whatever it was, all of those things at the time that that was so important, I realized now, they actually hold no value for me now. It’s come with a lot of evolution, especially for me a lot of evolution. The growth that I’ve had internally has made me realize that money is just money more, don’t get me wrong, money makes our lives easier. But there are also so many other things that are just as equally as important as money. And the other lesson that I’ve learned throughout this journey is that money seems to flow a lot easier when I am happy. But there are not so many financial issues as maybe there may have been in the past. I don’t know whether that’s just a consequence, but it’s certainly something that I’ve witnessed. So I suppose for me, this is the thing. Mourning the past can bring happiness to the future. 

And I don’t know where you are right now, in your own journey, whether you’re at the start, whether you’re in the middle, or whether you’re at the end. But being quite a few years down the track. Now, all I can do is share what I’ve witnessed and learned with you, and even my clients, what I’ve seen in them, especially once it’s all over with; it’s so hard, it really is. 

And you have every right to mourn, you have every right to feel like this isn’t fair, this shouldn’t have happened.

I can’t believe I found myself here. You have every right to feel that way. Because you are mourning everything that you thought your future may hold. But here’s the thing, there’s a reward as well when it gets to a particular stage that if you haven’t moved on, there’s a reward for you feeling the way you do. 

So I want you to ask yourself, what is the reward? I am getting for feeling the way I do. It’s probably a really, you know, maybe you’ve never been asked this question before. 

But it’s, it’s something to consider. I often ask myself this when I’m finding things are tough, when I feel like I’m in a position where I don’t really want to move forward. And even today, I still have those moments. But the way I get moving is by asking myself, Tanya, what is your reward for staying where you are right now. And there’s always one. So let me give you an example. Consider that you don’t want to ask someone for something. And you know that you have to, you know that you have to start a conversation or ask for something, but you’re so scared. And it could be a conflict, or it could be that you’re afraid of retaliation or the consequences. You lay awake at night, just wondering, you know, you have this conversation going through your head is how you’re going to tackle it. But every time you get the opportunity, you still don’t do it. And something is holding you back right there. 

The reason something is holding you back is that you’re getting a reward for staying where you are. So the reward might be that you simply don’t need to deal with the conflict. The reward might be That because things aren’t going well, your friends might be paying you a lot of attention or asking you how’s everything going, you might be getting, you know, people contacting you or friends or family and you’re, you know, without knowing it, subconsciously, you’re liking that, that’s possible. 

It could be simply that you just simply do not want to face the fact that whatever it is that you have to discuss with whoever it is will end either a relationship, it will end a bond, it will end something. Then you know that you’re going to have to mourn whatever that conversation is about. And that’s pretty tough. And it’s really tough. And I know, because I’ve been there, I’ve been in that same position. So having to do something that you don’t really want to do

means that you don’t have to deal with the consequence of that. And that’s why we get a reward. And it took me a long period to understand that that reward is very short-lived. And if we can understand why the reward is so valuable to us, we can actually make it up at the other end of the equation. Let me just go over that a bit more. So what I mean by that is right now, by not doing something that you need to do, it might be just because you don’t want to face the facts, or you don’t want to face the feelings because you know, you have to deal with them. And it’s so painful. And it hurts so much that you just think if I can just leave everything as it is, or, you know, continual long as things are right now, I don’t have to deal with all of the garbage that comes with this. None of this is easy. No one who has ever been through a separation or a divorce would ever say to you that it is easy.

But what I’ve witnessed is the pain can grow amazing things. Because as people, we don’t usually go through the pain that we go through when we’re going through a separation or a divorce. It’s not something that happens to us very often. Let’s hope it only happens to us once. But when it does happen, it teaches us things about ourselves that we never ever thought possible. Because I can tell you right now, you’re stronger than you ever knew. You were so strong that you really could do anything if you put your mind to it. But it’s just being able to connect your mind and your feelings and understand that you’re heading in the right direction. But to do that, you first need to mourn everything that you hoped for. 

You have to mourn your marriage; you have to mourn what you’re losing. And for many of us, It also morning, our in-laws are friends, because people need to pick sides. And as much as they say that they don’t, unfortunately, they do, and they will. And as much as you might be the best person, there is on the world in the world. Sometimes the other side puts pressure on whoever it is that that you think would be impartial. 

And they are forced to choose the side without really wanting to or without even really knowing it. So don’t get upset. If someone you thought would stay loyal to you changes their mind or does something, you didn’t expect. Because they’ve also found themselves in a position that they didn’t understand, and they didn’t know how to behave or what to do. 

I recently had this incredible story of one of my clients divorced now for three years. And his mother. Well, actually, let me go back a step. He has recently started dating a new woman. And this new woman is just so beautiful that she encompasses all his children of his ex-wife of his parents. And when they went around to pick up his children the other day, the new girlfriend got out, met the ex-wife, and had a good chat. 

When she went around to his mother and father’s house, she stated How lovely the ex-wife was. And she said I can see where the children are so beautiful. And you know, these guys together have done such a great job. Now, this woman is a connector; she’s going to be the glue. Because what she’s done is rather than going to his parent’s house and bagged the ex-wife, she’s built her up, she said, What a wonderful person she is. And what that shows is this person’s inner strength and ability, and self-worth, because she knows how valuable she is in this new relationship. 

So guess what? The mother in law who hadn’t spoken to the ex-wife in three years because she’d taken the side of her son, turned up at the ex daughter in law’s house, and went in and had a coffee. And she talked about everything that she’d lost. She spoke about how she’d mourned their friendship, how she mourned her, how she missed her. Now, who said the rules state that just because there’s a separation or a divorce, you can’t see the other side anymore. But everything takes time. You’ve heard the saying before time heals all wounds, and you know what it’s possibly true. So this girlfriend, this new girlfriend, has become the glue for this family. The kids love her. His parents love her. His ex-wife even talks kindly of her. And he’s only been going out with her for a brief period. But the difference she’s made is because she knows how valuable she is in herself. And because of that, she’s helping the men. She’s helping them heal. And that’s a new way. That’s the way you want to go. You want to get to that place. It might be too soon, just yet, but that’s where you want to get to. Because the consequences are. If you continue to stay in that morning state, you continue to be a victim. And when you’re a victim, new opportunities don’t arise. You can’t see the goodness in the world. The simplest thing becomes a big, big problem. People might call you a complainer that they can never make you happy. The day the consequences of remaining in the morning state. If you look at you, that’s why people who have morning were black because black is the colour of sorrow. And we don’t want to stay there. We want to be able to move on. We wish to colourful life. We want a life of giving. And to get their lack of justice explained about the girlfriend. She knows exactly who she is. She knows exactly what she wants. And she brings value to all the relationships and all of the people she touches in her life. And you know, if we could all be like that, the world would be a better place. So that’s my hope. That’s my hope for you. So it’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to mourn, but we just don’t want to stay there. All right, my darling friends. Thanks for listening. 

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Choosing the right person for advice during our divorce could be the difference between having an amicable separation or living a nightmare. In this episode,...

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It might happen that our ex-spouse did or said something that hurt us, and even after some time, we can't get over it. And we might even be in our right of...

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Letting Go

Letting Go

Wanting always more and working hard to get better is a worthy journey all of us should embark on. But sometimes, it can be a dangerous trip; we might get too attached to an outcome. Attachment can be tricky; it can cloud our judgement and make us get stuck. It can also happen with people; we might get too emotionally attached to someone, which is never the best option. 

In this episode, we will talk about how helpful it is to let go and ground the construction of our happiness in ourselves, not on a determined outcome or person. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

Making big decisions based on our happiness [00:03:00] 

All of us can find happiness [00:06:00] 

Attachment is what causes most of our problems [00:09:00] 

The expectations of what we think we should receive [00:12:00] 

Appreciating each moment of our lives [00:15:00]

Links

Book: David R. Hawkins – Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. It’s the Easter long weekend for wherever you are in the world right now, and whether you celebrate Easter or not, I just really want to wish you a precious time. And I hope no matter your circumstances or situation, you have spent some quality time with your family and the people who really love and care for you.

And for that reason, I wanted to give you a little bit of a pep talk today, if that’s okay. I wanted to talk about where you might find yourself in life right now because if you’re listening to the podcast, it’s because you’re struggling with a relationship or you’ve already separated. You’re just looking for all of the little breadcrumbs, and you follow the breadcrumbs to get to the outcome of whatever it is that you need to do to get to your happy place, whatever that is. That’s what we all want. Don’t we? We just want to be happy.

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If you’ve been listening long enough, you hear me talk about, you need to be the person you want to be to really have the life you want to have.

It’s the whole be, do have scenario. What we do in life is we do it the wrong way around. We always say, If we have this, then we can do that. Then we can be who we need to be. And it’s, it’s wrong. It’s flawed because the difference is when you be the person that has what you want in life, that means when you be that person by the identity and how you act and treat other people and even treat yourself. After all, this is what we want to talk about today.

When you treat yourself like you are that person you want to be, everything starts to fall into place because you make the decisions you’re driving from that end goal. Not from where you are right now, because let’s think about it. If you make a decision today when you feel unhappy or lonely or.

Depressed, whatever your situation might be, you’re going to make the decision of that person. Now, the decision of that person would not be the same decision that you would make. If you were the person, you wanted to be in life. So that person that you wanted to be. I was happy and had, you know, no issues, no problems.

What would that decision be? And I often think about these when I’m contemplating big things, and I’ll say to myself, Tanya, if you had everything you’ve wanted and where you want to end up in life, what would your decision pay right now? Especially when it’s around money because I might say to myself, I can’t really afford that purchase, or I can’t really afford that thing right now.

So probably I’m better off not to do it now. Here’s the problem we thinking like that once I have whatever it is that I want, whatever that may be, it’s either going to expedite, whatever it is.

I’m striving to get, or it might help with my identity, or it might help with how I feel. So if I want to feel a certain way by having a specific item or object.

It might make me feel like I have succeeded. If I decide from being that successful person, it would be entirely different for me making the decision from an unsuccessful person. And that’s why I’m making a decision from being who you want to be is so incredibly important because you may never be that person if you don’t.

When you decide from being that person, you’re in energy, your aura people gravitate to you. You seem to be happier. Everything is so different. Let me explain this a little more because let’s imagine where you may or may not be in life right now. So you could be, for instance, in an unhappy relationship. You could be feeling incredibly lonely and unloved.

You might be feeling like your world is in a mess. You could be looking for something. You think that something is missing in your life. So you’re looking for something, but you can’t really tell what it eats. And you say to yourself, I will know what it is when I find it. Now, what do all of these things have in common?

It doesn’t matter what part of life you’re in. Doesn’t matter which one of those may relate or may not relate to you. But it doesn’t matter which one we’re talking about. They all have one thing in common. And that thing that they have in common is you. Whatever one of those you are struggling with right now in your life, the one common denominator we all have is whatever one of these problems.

We all feel them ourselves. So it’s, it’s you and me. So whichever one of those you are dealing with right now, the common denominator we had is that we all feel these feelings ourselves. It doesn’t matter where we are in life. It doesn’t matter what way feeling right now.

We all can find happiness, but so many people don’t know how to find happiness.

So a client of mine recently, I helped him go through his divorce probably three years now. So he’s just finished a relationship; probably it’s been going for a year.

So he’s had a few months off, and recently he met someone new. And this morning he said to me after he’d been married for 20 odd years to his, his wife, So we, they got, as I said, separated, divorced three years ago, he’s just finished a, a one-year relationship and started a new relationship in the last few weeks.

And he said to me today, he said, Tanya, I don’t think I ever truly knew what love was. He said I don’t truly understand. What it’s like to be happy until now. And I asked him, what do you think has made such a difference? And he said, Oh, that’s easy. And I’ll be honest. I thought he was going to tell this new person he’s in the relationship with.

And he said it’s me. The reason that everything is falling into place is that I am now happy. He said I know what I want. Now I know how to adjust, appreciate the simple things in life. I know how to enjoy my time with my children. And he goes, I’ll sometimes just lookout, I look up into the sky, and I think to myself, even if this was just all there was. He said I would be happy right now. I’ve learned to appreciate the elementary things in life. And because of that, anything else that comes along, I’m not attached to it. Now, this is the key, my friends, and this is the key right here. Attachment is what causes so many problems, so many issues. Whether we’re attached to an outcome or to a person, whether we’re attached to a decision, it’s that attachment that causes us the problem.

Because if we’re attached to thinking that our life will be this way or that way, or that the person we married will provide us with this, or provide us with that. Or whether we have these expectations that we will be successful. Skews me, we will be successful in life, or we won’t be that’s where the issues lie.

It comes back to the attachment. So even though he’s now found this person. He said to me, he goes, you know, when you first meet someone, you know, that there’s something special. And I said yes. And he said, I know that this person is unique. I know that this person is different from anyone else I’ve had in my life because it feels so natural.

He goes, I don’t need to try and be anyone else; I can be myself. And he said as much as I already think I am falling in love with this person, I’m not attached to the outcome. I’m just enjoying each and every day. And because of that, no matter what happens with the relationship. He’s just enjoying right now.

He’s just growing and evolving as a person, as a human. And he’s enjoying each moment. Like he’s taking the time to savour the moment and sign. Many of us just don’t do this. So many of us just go through our life. We’re busy, busy all of the time. And we have signed much to do. We have so much that we think is expected of us.

And because of that, the pressure, the overwhelm of getting all of this done is what we’re attached to. So I want to recommend a book. I want to tell you about a book that is, without a doubt, the most extraordinary thing I think I’ve ever read. Every time I read it, it’s like I’m reading a whole new book and the book is called Letting Go.

And it’s by a man called Dr David Hawkins. And. David goes through the book in-depth on subjects. And this client of mine has also read this book now quite a few times. In the book letting go, he said it became evident to me the attachment I had taught—everything in my life. I was attached to who I should have been as a father.

I was attached to the outcome I should have had as a business owner. I was attached to what I thought, the average family or the right sort of family. And as we all know, there’s no such thing as just an average family every day anymore. We’re all so different. Whether, you know, we’re just a single mother with a child, whether we’re two fathers and some children, two mothers with some children, whether we’re a mother or father, grandparents, you know, aunties and uncles, all living in a house.

It doesn’t matter just as long as we are with the people we love, but this is the thing. When we let go of expectations of what we think we should be achieving, what we think is normal, what we think is expected, and appreciate the little things that happen every day. And he said that really what our life is all about.

Isn’t that really what we should be doing. We should be sitting down and just savouring each moment.

We should be so grateful for spending time, even just a little bit, a little bit of time that we might be able to get from someone that we genuinely love, whether that be our children, whether it be a parent, whether it be someone in our life.

And the reason that I love this book letting go so much is that it’s certainly how I’ve been living my life. I had all of these expectations of what a marriage should be in my current marriage in my first marriage. I have no expectations but what I do is I just let every day be. Every day is just what it, whatever it needs to be.

But I sit down, and I appreciate each moment. I take the time to say to the conversation, and even if he’s off doing something that he loves, I am so grateful that he’s having a good time. Well, previous to this, I would have probably been jealous that my ex-husband was off doing something for himself. So as we grow through adult life, expectations of ourselves become different, but letting go or not being attached to an outcome is brilliant.

And this also happens when we’re going through a separation or a divorce. If you are attached to an outcome, you expect what you think you should get. What you’re entitled to, what you think is fair. That’s when things can start to really unravel back and begin to get out of control.

Because you’ve got these expectations, your ex-partner has the exact expectations, and that’s when we start to find that things just don’t go well. In the book, he talks about a couple going through a divorce, and he talks about how the husband wanted something from the wife. And she knew that he wanted it and she wasn’t going to give it to him.

And then one night, even though he really wanted it, he thought to himself, what difference is it going to make? I’m just going to let it go. I’ve got no expectations either way. If I get it, I’ll be happy. And if I don’t get it. Oh, well, I’ll still be satisfied. It’s not going to change my life. And what happened was the moment he let go of the expectations.

What happened was he got a message from his ex-wife to say, I’m actually going to pack this up and send it to you. And it’s uncanny because we’ve tested this. It’s uncanny how this happens in life. It’s uncanny when you let go of whatever it is that you’re holding onto things, just start to flow things.

That’s what’s so important. So if there’s anything you can take away from this podcast today, even if this isn’t making sense. Or you’re not in any of these situations right now, just listen to this one piece of advice that I’m giving to you. In any area of your life right now, whether it be that you want a promotion, whether it be that you want something from your marriage, whether it be that you want something from your partner that you’re not getting, whether it be that you’ve met someone new and it’s just not working like your youth, I thought it should just sit with it.

Ask yourself. What is the feeling that you were feeling about the situation? Why do you think the way you do? What is the expectation that you have once she can pinpoint what that feeling is? Allow it to be. Just allow it, feel it, and then just let it go. Let it go. That if you get the promotion, you’re happy.

And if you don’t, you’ll still be happy. Let it go. That is, your ex-husband or your ex-wife is not treating you. How they, you know, he should be traded. It’s let it go because there’s nothing you can do about someone else. Or you can do worry about yourself. And that’s okay. We want to be the best people we can in our lives.

The world needs each and every one of us to step up and do more. And if we all let go, if we all just did the best we possibly could, the world would be just such a fantastic place. And we’re all doing our little bit. We’re all just doing our little bit. And I know if you’re listening to this, you’re trying to be the best person you can be.

You’re looking for the answers to have the best life you possibly can, but go and get a copy of David’s book. It’s an excellent, fantastic book. It’s called Letting Go. It’s, without a doubt, probably the best book I’ve ever read when it comes to this subject.

All right. Well, that’s it for me this week. I hope you have a fantastic week. Send me an email. Let me know what you think after you’ve read the letting go book. Let me know if you’ve got any value out of it because I’d love to hear. And if there’s anything we can do to help you get onto my website, www.tanyasomerton.com, because we’re here to help.

We’re here to make your life a little bit easier. All right, then, my darling friends, I’ll talk to you next week. Bye. For now.

 

 

 

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Why Is This So Painful

Why Is This So Painful

One of the things I see many clients struggle with and something I’ve struggled with myself during my divorce is the fear of losing status. The car we drive, the school our kids attend, our lifestyle, in general, might be unsustainable by our own means after the divorce. The fear of losing all that might make us prolong a relationship that is already over, causing us extreme pain. 

In this episode, we will talk about why taking that decision is so painful and what we can expect once we decide to shape our future.

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

Losing status never looks good at the beginning [00:03:00] 

A little story about how my status “changed” right now [00:06:00] 

What an old car can show us about ourselves [00:09:00] 

The void of keeping our status regardless of our unhappiness [00:12:00] 

All of us have a choice to make [00:15:00] 

Links

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m really excited to be here with you today. And I hope that your week has been at least a little bit fruitful. At least you’re heading in the right directions, whatever that might be, even though you might be struggling or you might be feeling a little bit overwhelmed at the moment.

Because it’s easy to think that we’re not getting anywhere when we’re overwhelmed. But the exciting thing is when you’re overwhelmed, it means that you’ve got so much to do. And in your mind, you’re putting things together to head in the right direction, to get to where you really want to get to.

That’s important because I want to talk about why is this so painful?

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And when I’m talking to people on the phone when we have clarity calls, it breaks my heart sometimes because some people are in so much pain. I’m so empathic that sometimes I literally feel their pain, and I know what they’re going through because I can feel it legitimately.

So one client last week, I could tell that she had dreadful butterflies. She was so nervous and scared because, for some reason, just through her voice, I could feel her pain. And I said to her, tell me, is this how you’re feeling right now? And she said, yes, now I can do that on many occasions. 

And the reason is I’ve been through it all; literally, I’ve been through so much, but I don’t dwell on it. 

I don’t for one minute think that it was terrible. I use it all as the stepping stones to move me to where I need to go, and I don’t fit it. You know, you would never, ever hear me say that my life has been challenging or anything like that. I use each of the adversities that I’ve been through to help me; let me know then I can always get through whatever is thrown my way, but if we go back to why is this so painful? I want to talk today about status. 

The status could be related to identity a little bit, and we’ve done a little bit of work around identity on the podcast. So, you know, especially in my Restore Me program, we talk a lot about identity.

Identity is essential when we’re trying to get to where we need to be. So to be who you want to be, you have to act that way. And so identity is very, very important in terms of getting the life that you want. But when we talk about status, I want to talk about status. Pre break up or during your breakup, or even you might even be after your breakup right now.

And status is something, you know, obviously, we all have a status. We’ve, we’ve seen it before we look around the suburbs. We, you know, the world is broken into different categories, different status of people. But the thing is, when you’re making a decision. What happens is you’re thinking to yourself, or you’re considering, is this decision going to increase my status or decrease it?

The exciting thing with marketing is this is something that they often contemplate. When marketers are considering a new product or service, they’re going to look at. How that product or service is going to improve someone’s status. And as we all know, the marketing industry, it’s a juggernaut they spend means and millions of dollars working on, um, people’s mindsets, psychology, how, how they’re thinking, subconscious beliefs, all of those sorts of things.

They bring them together into a formula to be able to get us to buy things. But the same is true for every decision that we make. But right now, when I’m talking about status, I’m not referring to how others see you. I’m referring to how you see yourself. Almost every decision you have made in your life evolves around status, whether you know it or not; what school did you go to?

What school did you kids go to? Who did you marry, who did you break up with? Where do you live? What car do you drive? What career do you make? 

All of those things revolve around status. The questions we ask ourselves because they tied to our identity. All of these things are bound to level. Almost every decision you’ve made has been made because of the subconscious question you’ve asked yourself. And that question is, if this thing I’m considering doing, is it going to increase my status or decrease it? So just as a bit of story here, I drive a Mercedes. And I’ve had my car for a few years now. And you could say that it’s the status of me recently.

My husband had an incident where his car blew up, and because of the used car market and the actual new car market here in Australia at the moment, we can’t get the new car that we’ve just ordered for anywhere between five to eight weeks. So my husband doesn’t have a car, so he’s driving my car to work.

Now he’s a thing. He works on a construction site. So when he drives up to work or the guys on the site, by the habit, go about driving his Mercedes to work well, then they asked, wow, that’s an excellent car for someone like you to drive because he used to have a massive four-wheel drive. 

Every little bit of fruit you could expect that someone like he would have now, conversely, because he’s driving my car, I’m driving a car that a friend has lent us. Now, this friend has lent us a, I think it’s about a 23-year-old car that he paid $500 for now. Does the cargo? Yes, it does. But then, when I don’t drive down the street, and I get in and out of the car, all of a sudden, my status has changed because I’m no longer getting out of my Mercedes.

I’m now getting out of this old Ford that, you know, looks like it’s had a bit of a rough life, but at the end of the day, it gets me where I need to go. My husband can still go to work until we wait for the new car. But that right there comes back to our status and our identity for him turning up to work.

He feels uncomfortable driving the car because it doesn’t relate to the status or the identity of who he is. And then the same for me. Now you might be saying, well, why isn’t he driving the old Ford? Well, that’s the problem. I only drive very short kilometres. If I work from home, he has to go nearly two hours every day to and from work.

So he needs to have a reliable car, but these today were very interested because I was working through, you know, noticing what people were looking at and knowing what, this is the thing. That’s when I realized no, one’s actually even looking at the car I’m driving. No one even cares about what I’m going because it’s not a bad thing.

It’s me who sit in the car, that’s driving along, and it’s stinted sides, and it’s got, you know, one ring missing and whatever the case might be. But at the end of the day, it’s feeling a need. I’m so grateful that our friend lent it to us because it just makes their life so much easier, but it reminded me just how status is so important to each and every one of us.

When we decide when making that decision on how it affects us, will it, will it increase our status or not? So when we’re going through or what you might be going through right now, before you make a decision either to leave your relationship, you’re going to work through it in your mind. How is it going to change my status?

Because what we’re looking for, when we’re talking about status, we’re asking ourselves, will this increase our intelligence? Will it give us any form of power in our life? Will it increase our wealth? Will we look better? So what will our physical appearance look like? The style that we have, because we all have a class, but most of all, when it comes to people who have gone through a separation and a divorce, comes back to happiness.

How will this decision improve or make my life worse? If I make this decision that might decrease your status, cause a balancing act in your mind. You’ve probably banged it. It’s like this tug of war. Should I leave my bed? If I’m late, then I don’t have the financial means that I have right now, but if I stay, I’m gonna stay unhappy.

So do you go or do you stay. And that is where the whole thing about status will come in. So many people will last so much longer than they need to simply because of the financial means. Ultimately, when the pain of unhappiness gets too much, they’re prepared to give up the financial means because happiness is so much more valuable to them.

They get to a point where the decision is. I just can’t do this. I would prefer to have no money and be happy than to stay and be unhappy. Now that’s a massive decision, you know, having this tug of war in your mind, going back and forth and research says that this can go on for anywhere between two to five years before things get so bad that someone actually makes a decision.

The tug of war, whether it be the happiness or the financial means, just continually wins. Every time you go through the questions you’re asking yourself, everything leads back to either happiness or the financial means. So with the future looking brighter, will it be for a short period and you so good, the future gain in status eventually.

And that’s where most of us get to. So in my case, I had the financial means for some time. But I just had this void in my gut, and I knew I couldn’t live with it anymore. Like the void, he was so painful, physically hurt from it, even though I could see anything and there was nothing there, it was just this energy, this emotion that made me feel so empty, even though I was in a house full of people.

That I made the decision. I was prepared to give up the happiness status’s financial status, and I knew it would only be for a short period. I knew that he found was happy. Then other things in my life would come together. I would have more opportunity. I would make different people. Who knows.

Anyway, I’m evidence. I look back now, and I have proof that my decision was the right one for me. And no one can ever make your decision for you, but I’m letting you know right now if the status is something you’re concerned about. And I was one of them. I put my hand up now and say that I drove the house I lived in, my status and the car.

And all of that had to do with me prolonging and staying in my relationship longer than I probably should have. And one day, when I finally did build the life that I really wanted to, that’s when I brought my calm because I knew that I’d made it; I did it myself. I got my car as the prize. So my Mercedes was the price that I’ve given myself.

After I left my relationship, every built my life. I did my business. I need my kids. Well, they’re all happy and off my hand. So I’ve got some extra money. So I don’t want you to think that I’m saying to you, Oh, look at Tanya. She drives this car. I’m telling you because it’s possible. I’m telling you because you can do it too.

I’m telling you that just because right now, your status is one thing or might be another thing. And you’re too scared to do something because you’re worried that your status might change. You can always get to where you need to go. Just another way you can make a decision and the status, what Eva that is to you.

It could just be a little bit different for a short period. You had the mains; you have the ability. All of us do it’s in each, and every one of this, each of us has a choice to make. We can pretend like we can’t do anything. Still, if you pretend that you can’t do anything, the only person holding you back from whatever it is that you were here to do is you. You are giving your power of why you would giving your control to someone or something else.

Inside you, they are the ability to be and do whatever it is that you want. And you might say, Tanya. It’s not possible. I can’t do whatever I want. And imagine if he couldn’t do everything, but at least you could do half of it. Is that better than whatever these that you are dealing with right now?

Each of you listening has a different issue has other problem, but we all need to get to wherever it is that we need to go. And it’s not impossible. Oh, I’ve loved the phrase. It says impossible means I’m possible. And that’s, that’s just if you’re possible. You can do whatever you want to do.

You just have to change your status for that short period. When you change your identity and start being who it is, you need to bait. So if that’s a happy person, just being a happy person becomes your status and everything starts to fall into place. That’s when life gets exciting. That’s when life gets good.

So that seems to me this week, I hope, it’s just a little bit of a pep talk, but I just want you to understand, just let me driving, driving forward at the moment, just for a short period. It’s not if I just have to do it long enough, and when I get whatever it is, I’ll get at the end of that short period.

I’m gonna appreciate getting it back. When my car comes back, I’m getting enjoy it so much. I’ve gone from driving something ancient and claggy doesn’t pick up not a nice car to drive. When I get back in my car, I’m just going to appreciate every minute of it.

And you’ll be the same when you get the launch that you want. You’re going to hopping the driver’s seat, and you’re going to be so grateful. You’re going to be thankful for everything you’ve gone through to get to where you’re going. Cause that road, that freedom, when you get behind the steering wheel, and you go where you need to go, wow.

It’ll be fantastic. Your life will be unique. Okay. My friends, that’s it for me this week, and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye. For now.

 

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Unveiling The Things That Are Holding You Back

Unveiling The Things That Are Holding You Back

When we think about the story of our divorce, we need to understand that in most cases is much more than what we believe, think, or feel that happened and ended our marriage. Those stories could be a prison and what holds us back and won’t let us move forward. 

And some stories might be sayings from our parents or siblings when we were growing up, and we carry them around as truths without questioning them. In today’s episode, we will talk about how our stories can hold us back and keep us as hostages. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

The effect of happiness in our lives [00:03:00]

Some of the stories I carried for years about money [00:06:00] 

What going through the emotions of our divorce can do to us [00:09:00] 

You can start your new life tomorrow [00:12:00]

Links 

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Somerton. And I’m actually the Divorce Angel.

I have a business that helps people work their way through divorce, but not only that, what I found when I was going through my divorce was that there was no emotional support.

There was no one standing by it, other than my family and friends, who were doing the best to help me. 

But the problem was they really didn’t know what I was going through because it wasn’t in real-time. What I do with my clients is going through it with them in real-time. I’m dealing with this situation day in, day out.

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And to be honest, it’s my Dharma. It’s the reason that I’m here every day I get up, and I’m so grateful for the beautiful people that I work with, but not just that. With the help and support and the little bit of information that I think that I’m giving them, they can make such a massive deal for their life.

Today I want us to talk about unveiling the real things that are holding you hostage. So if you’ve been listening long enough to my podcast, you would know that early on, the very start of my podcast said, going back to number one, we talk about the actual fundamentals of getting divorced. 

So the lawyer had a structure, all of your information, and everyone else, you need to get through this difficult time.

But as the podcasts have moved on, I’ve got more into the emotional side because, let’s be honest, what’s money. 

What is money? Money is necessary because it helps us buy things. But you have to ask yourself, at the end of the day, would you prefer to be really, really rich or to be happy?

It’s interesting because I’ve done research on this, and there are so many rich people out there that seem to be unhappy. And what I’ve realized is when you’re happy, there’s no value you can put on that. So you can actually put a value on the dollar. Can’t you? Whichever country you’re from, the dollar has a value.

But how do as an individual, do you put a value on your happiness? Because doing the spiritual work also that I really love to do, I’ve come across some delighted people and, as a side effect of being incredibly happy, have become quite wealthy. 

And they haven’t come, or they haven’t become wealthy because of hard work. To be honest, the wealth has come from ease. It’s been easy for them to get rich as a side effect of their happiness. So I wanted to talk today about unveiling the real things, holding you hostage. Because it’s essential and it’s something really close to my heart because I want each and every person I want you, I want everyone around you.

I want you to have a ripple effect on the people in your life. 

So if I can give you a little bit of information that will make you happy. Then you have a ripple effect on your children, on the people you work with, on your friends, your colleagues, everyone. 

And that’s what’s so unique about us as human beings because we are conscious humans.

We have an effect on everyone around us. So it’s so important when we’re happy. We make other people happy. So. I may have talked about this before, but I just want to go over it again. If we could imagine that everything in our life forms a boundary around us. So I am talking about how we’ve grown up in this school.

We went to the church, possibly that we attended our family, the football team. Even, you know, the government, whether it be, um, you know, who, who that, who your parents vote for? All of those things, what they start to do is they form this box around us. They become our beliefs, they become our stories, they become our identity.

And it’s also what keeps us trapped. The information is. Sometimes, you know, I know with my kids, they. Their identity is, Oh, well, we’d Barrack for this football club, or this is the area that we live in, or this was a school we went to when I listened to them, I’m thinking, Oh my goodness, I never ever realized the boundaries I were putting.

I was putting around my children. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing as a mother. I thought I was sending them to the right school. I would be taking them to football training or basketball training, or netball training. And all of those things I thought was teaching my children how to be outstanding adults.

I was teaching them how to be team player. And here’s the thing. Our parents think that we are doing the right thing. We believe we are helping our children become adults, that they need to be no different from what your parents did for you. But now, when I look at not only my life, but I look at my children’s lives.

I can see that their opinions and beliefs and the stories they tell indirectly tell the stories they tell because, lets be honest, they don’t know that they’re telling a story. And maybe you don’t see that you describe an account because I know that I never realized that I was telling a story for a long time.

So we’re not talking about a Disney fairytale here. I’m talking about things that we learned as children. So for me, if I can give you an idea of some of the stories that I knew was my dad often said, well, money just doesn’t grow on trays, Tanya. You can’t just have that. You’ve got to work hard for what you have.

I even learned from watching my mother and father who divorced and did haven’t well, I can really only, um, you know, recall them having an unhappy marriage. When I think of what their marriage was like when I was growing up, it was depressing. I remember I can even feel that tension when I would walk into a room, and the two of them were in the room.

Now today, my parents are good friends. They talk on the phone, they’ve got grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and there’s no animosity between them that there’s certainly no love either. There’s a friendship there and respect because they’ve brought children into the world. But there’s certainly no love, but the good thing for me now, looking back on all of those uses, I don’t feel the hate when they’re in the room together.

I actually feel like they’ve got over all of that, and there’s just respect that they have. And so I try to also do that with my children. So when I’m in a room with their father, I make sure that I go out of my way to actually be nice to him. And to be honest, I’ve really got over it all. I, um, uh, well, that’s not true.

Let’s just stop there. I want to be honest with you guys because that’s what this is about. Let’s say, let’s say I’m 90% over everything. I think that’s a fair call. There’s probably 10%, even now 10 years on that. When I see him, he might say something, and I might feel some sort of triggering emotion because I recall what it was like when I was married to him.

It doesn’t mean. That I need to live in that space anymore because I don’t have those triggering emotions at all because my new marriage is far from the same as what my old one was. But the point that I’m trying to get across to you right now is when you go through the emotions of your divorce, you’re going to have a story.

You’re going to have a story about whether it was all your ex’s fault. Where that died in, try hard enough with marriage is just tricky with that. You know, you failed because that could be something you’re telling yourself, but we all have a story about our situation. So really, I want you to think about this.

I want you to be honest with yourself. What is the story that you are telling yourself and the people around you about what happened? Because we all have one. The key here is inside this box that we live in, where we have these beliefs, and we have these stories and these identities that we’ve grown up with. Inside this box is where we live. But the key to a successful divorce is being able to look outside of the box. The instructions for a successful life are the outside of the box that you live in right now. Wow. 

You are sitting down. And there’s just a cardboard box and imagine it in your head right now. You’re sitting down; there’s just this cardboard box.

You can feel the roof, you can feel the floor, your legs are squeezed up against your chest. And that box is the walls that you were leaving. That’s how you make all of your decisions, how you make all your choices. It’s what you say to other people. It’s what you even tell your children. That box is your life.

It’s everything you believe. And this is the hardest part. The hardest part is that the books eat while it’s keeping you trapped. The box is only cardboard. But it’s like this imaginary force field. That’s keeping you where you are right now. 

If I was to say to you right now, your new life starts tomorrow, and it would be so easy, you would have no fear.

The most amazing, the growth, the money, whatever you want, the happiness, the new love, whatever you want in your life is on the outside of the box you live in. What would you do? Would you remain where you are right now? And then the question I have is.

If you aren’t prepared to stay where you are right now inside this cardboard box, that’s quite cramped. It’s keeping you prisoner, as such. It’s holding you hostage. How much is that costing you? Is it costing you years of your life? Is it costing you happiness? Is it costing you freedom? Is it actually costing you money because is it costing you money?

Because you’re not out there doing what you’re meant to do in the world because he’s the thing the world needs us. The world needs all of us to be our full potential. So are you doing everything that you could possibly do right now, or are you stuck inside this box? And that’s the question that I have for you right now.

Are you stuck inside this box now? I can’t get you out of the box only. You can get yourself out of there, but I can tell you right now that if you are hostage in your life, the only person that’s keeping you hostage is you, your stories, your beliefs. What you think is real, but freedom is on the outside.

So what, my friends, are you going to do about it?

I really want you to think about all of this right now. It’s pretty hard to comprehend. Hopefully, it’s made little triggered something in your brain to make you think about what I’m saying. Cause it’s essential. And I want you to succeed more than anything else in the world. I want you to have the ripple effect you were born to have, but that starts with you.

Okay. Well, that’s it for this week. It’s been a little bit deep, but hopefully, it’s giving you something to think about. And I’ll talk to you next week. Bye. For now.

 

 

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It’s Ok To Be Scared

It’s Ok To Be Scared

In many situations, fear can keep us alive or give us the strength necessary to overcome specific challenges. It is an instinctive reaction that kept alive our ancestors for generations. But what happens when we get stuck in fear? What is the result of being incapable of reacting because of fear? 

Sometimes we are so scared that we can’t do any of the things we are supposed to do. We get trapped in inaction, which can be both costly and dangerous. 

In this episode, I want to talk about fear and being scared. Being afraid is not a problem; we must be aware of what we do with that fear. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

What I’ve achieved so far and how it can help you [00:03:00] 

We are responsible for our own happiness [00:06:00] 

An example of how things can be different in our lives [00:09:00] 

The things we carry from one relationship to the next [00:12:00] 

Why we should have a strategy of our next steps [00:14:00]

Links 

 

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. I wanted to talk today about something that I think many of us have felt, or you might even be feeling right now. In the last few days, I’ve had quite a few clarity calls with clients about what needs to happen and the steps they need to take.

And there’s something that runs through each and every one of us. Whether we’ve already been through the divorce or whether we’re in the process of doing it now, or even just contemplating it, and that’s fear, we’re all fearful, and it’s okay. So I want to tell you it’s okay to be scared. Because what happens when we’re afraid?

It means that we think through things,

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contemplate our decisions, and do that for an excellent reason. We want to make sure what we’re doing is the right thing to do. When we think about something so much, the problem here becomes that we’re so fearful, we get stuck in inaction. And that’s a dangerous place to be because I’ve also chatted with people, and to be honest, I was there probably myself for some time. And that’s where you go over and over and over again in your head. I call the monkey mind to continually go over it, thinking about all the consequences and what will happen. And when we do that, We become paralyzed by the fear.

And when we’re paralyzed, what happens is we just stay where we are. I often ask those people I’m talking to when I have clarity calls is what the cost of your inaction is? And I want you to think about that. What is the price of doing nothing? If you do nothing, where would you be into three, five years from now?

If nothing changes, how much has that costume and that they’re my friends is what you should really be fearful of, fearful of not changing, afraid of knowing inside of yourself that something’s just not right. Let you know you have to do something about your situation, but you’re so fearful of the consequences that you simply don’t react.

And I’ve been working on a presentation today, and it came back to me, the life that I lived after I’ve left my first marriage. And. I can tell you right now, I’m so proud of what I was able to achieve. I mean, years ago, I wouldn’t have said that, but this is the truth. You know, when I left my marriage, I’d been a stay-at-home mom for 16 years, with three children.

So I hadn’t been in the workforce for many years, and everything just changes and evolves so quickly. And in our world, especially today, I still found somewhere disability to the side of myself. You can stay in this big house with a tennis court in the pool. You can stay as what your friends called you, the hallmark family.

And that becomes part of the problem because I was pretending all the time. I felt like I was just living someone else’s life. I was pretending that I was happy when I was so, so sad. And I had to make the decision. Do I actually continue where I am? Or what is this costing me? Many people think about what it’s costing them if they leave, but what’s it going to cost you if you stay.

And I go back to the start where I said, it’s okay to be scared. That’s okay. Because that’s your body telling you that you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone, you’re doing something, I mean that you didn’t expect to do, or you probably weren’t even prepared to do. And that’s why service such as mine is invaluable because there’s nothing to be scared of.

Because if I’ve got the answers and I can tell you where to go and what to do, and how to put the plan in place, all you’ve got to do is just follow the breadcrumbs that I put out.

Because if you don’t, the cost of staying is not only years of your life, but it’s years of happiness. Especially if you’re not happy, if you’re not satisfied, it’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy, but yourself. And it took me a hell of a long time to actually even learn that it took me such a long time to think it wasn’t my ex-husband’s fault.

It’s not my now husband’s issue either. It’s not his job to make me happy. I’m the person that makes me happy. I’m the person that feels fulfilled. I’m the person that can understand what I should do. And when I should do it, that’s no one else’s choice. And how far I’ve come. Some days I sit back, and I look up in the sky and think, wow, the simplest things bring me such joy.

The simplest things that I probably took for granted before, because the pine of the hurt of staying in the unhappiness, what it did is it deemed out everything else around me because the loneliness inside was what continues to churn around and around it. And some of you might have been there.

Some of you may be there right now. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? That pain of I’ve got to do something, but I just don’t want to do it. I know it’s going to be uncomfortable. I know it’s not going to be easy, but also rationally in my head. I know that I have to do something because things just can’t stay as they are if I don’t.

So it’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to be frightened, but it’s what you do with that. And it’s how you use that energy. That really is the critical thing because I can tell you right now, just as much as you are scared or frightened, so is your partner. He or she is feeling exactly the same way. Maybe even worse. And it’s not a competition. It’s not a race to say who feels the worst or who can say, you know, the most awful things. It’s actually a competition to work together to try and get through this as effortlessly as possible. And make sure that you’re on the science team because when you can come up with a scenario that is a win-win for both parties, and you’re there for each other, it means that you’re out actually celebrating the life that you had rather than sitting back and looking at all of this went wrong.

This wasn’t really what I expected. When you end the relationship, and you’re arguing or being hateful towards each other, or you’re even angry at your partner, the most amazing thing is in that position, your partner has no idea whatsoever those feelings that you’re feeling. So the only person that’s actually getting upset by those emotions is you. So let me just tell you a story about something that happened to me on the weekend. And this is how far I’ve come.

I suppose this is a reminiscing podcast today. My first husband was extremely controlling. So for the 22 years that we were married, I’d only ever spent two nights away from him. Wherever I went, he would go with me, and if we ever went on holidays, we all went together. It was, you know, I’d never really had a girl’s white candle, anything like that until I’d left the relationship.

And that obviously, as you can see, was part of the problem. I felt trapped a lot of the time. Now, my new beautiful husband, Richard, he’s the complete opposite. And this is where we have to be very careful what we wish for. So I wanted a person who loves me, and I met a boss. I wanted a person who would trust me.

We’d never second. Guess what I was doing and gave me freedom. That’s who I found when I married Richard. He’s all of those things. So this weekend, he was away to efficient competition and all I was going out on Saturday night with some girlfriends, and I was talking to him on the phone, and I hung up, and I thought to myself, he didn’t even ask me where I was going, and I took it as he didn’t care.

But then you’ve heard me before. If you’ve been listening to the podcast long enough, I always suggest we go through the seven reasons. So in my head, I went through all of the reasons possibly he didn’t care, or he didn’t ask the question. And, and by the end of it, by the time I got out with the girls, I was fine.

I’d sort of got over whatever it was. It was annoying me at that time. That’s how far I’ve come. 10 years ago, that would have been something that probably would’ve annoyed me, but I’ve learnt the skills, and I teach the skills to get through that emotional baggage now. So it’s not up to him. How I feel after he does something that’s up to me. Then the next day, I was talking to him when he was driving home. And I said, Hey, babe, you didn’t even ask me where I went last night. And he said to me, but I didn’t need to ask you because I trust you. I know that you’re going to be okay. Um, I know that if you need to tell me something you’re going to say to me, here’s the thing I wished for that person.

I wished for that man to be my husband, and that’s who he is. But then when it doesn’t suit me, I wanna, you know, drill him about why aren’t you inquiring as to where I’m going or what I’m up to. And this is the problem that we have when we move into a new relationship. I mean, I teach this stuff, but I’m still dealing with it day after day.

Just like you guys are, this is something that we have to continue to work and evolve on, but it’s, it’s that beauty of the awareness because before I didn’t have the understanding, and now I do, so I stopped myself. I asked myself seven reasons why, and by just doing that simple exercise, it changes.

Everything that I think I deflect my own emotions. I get rid of my old habits. I get rid of the meaning that I was giving because I gave it some sense that he didn’t care about me when the actual opposite is so true. He really does care so much about me, but he trusts me so much that he doesn’t need to ask one a month too.

And so when we’re talking about fear, I’m here to tell you that once you move through whatever it is that you’re dealing with right now when you set your intention is nothing decided, everything you wish for can not come true because it’s certainly happened to me. I wanted a husband that wasn’t controlling, and that’s what I’ve got. So don’t be fearful. Get excited. Because the future can be anything you wanted to be, but the cost of inaction, the cost of leading in fear means you’re just going to stay where you are. And what is that going to cost you in the long run? Because that they’re, my friends, is what should be helping you step forward. What should be helping you get moving, get a strategy together, understand what you need to do because all of the information is out there?

You just have to go searching for it. And like I said to one client today, this promise I can make. Each and every one of you will be okay. It just depends on what time means for you. We all have a different interpretation, just like me. If I think being okay is living in that big house with the tennis court and the pool, if that was what my okay, my benchmark, I certainly don’t leave that life to die. 

I’m in a completely different way. I’m okay in ways that are far more important to me. And you can be like that too. So if you got to know more about how I can help you, why don’t you book a clarity call?

You can get onto www.tanyasomerton.com and booking a clarity call. I’d love to have a chat with you and just help you understand you do not need to be scared; there’s help available. And when the knowledge of knowing that it’s just a bread crumb after a breadcrumb, after a bread crumb, and eventually you get to work there, that’s all that matters. And I promise you you’ll be okay.

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How To Be Bulletproof

How To Be Bulletproof

Whether we are in the process of divorce or starting with our separation, communication is a crucial element that can influence the outcome we will get. That is why when we communicate with our ex or soon to be ex, especially in documented channels like text messages, emails, or letters, we need to stick to the facts and let our emotions aside.  

In this episode, I will discuss the importance of being mindful about what and how we communicate and how this ability can make you bulletproof.

Lets’ get into it:

 

Timestamps

The roles we play when getting into a relationship [00:03:00] 

A letter to the ex-partner that could’ve started a war [00:06:00] 

Keeping the communication sharp and short [00:09:00]

When the content is more prominent, there is more room for misinterpretation [00:11:00]

Links

 

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

 

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

 

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Divorce Angel Podcast. For those of you who might be new to the podcast, my name’s Tanya Somerton, and I run a business called Divorce Angel. And my hope and wish for everyone going through a divorce are that it is as easy as humanly possible. And when I say humanly possible, I say that because we humans make things far more complicated than they really need to be. But we do it without understanding why. 

We should understand that what we’re doing right now is making our life so much harder. And the reason I bring this up today because I’ve had quite a few meetings with people that run successful businesses over the last few weeks.

We talked about

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what we teach our children and how we, as adults, struggle with our lives’ most emotional times. And it’s natural, isn’t it? Like, we’re just not taught how to handle our emotions. And if you think about it, as we’re going through school, we’re not taught the finer details of budgeting unless you’re doing an accounting degree or some higher learning about financial advising or something like that.

But let’s be honest, as kids aren’t taught how to budget, and then they go out into the big world and take out loans or get credit cards. And many of us might’ve done the same thing because I can talk from experience that early on in my life, I was a spender instead of a saver, or an investor would be how I would turn myself now. But the kids today struggle with all of that stuff. 

Then, as we go through our relationships or get into serious relationships, one party or another will take over being the budgeter or paying the bills in many cases. And we’ll also have someone in the relationship. 

And the reason I’m saying this is not to underestimate anyone’s skills in a relationship. It’s just sometimes how our behaviours, our traits, our beliefs, as stories, have got us to get into, let’s call it, the marriage dance. Like we marry someone, and before we know it, we take over these specific roles. Whether that be, and I’m not being sexist by any means. Still, you know, maybe the man takes over all of the gardening tools and the woman takes over the cleaning, not that that happens as it did 40 years ago, but I’m just using that as a metaphor to try and get you to understand what I’m trying to say.

So, we go into a relationship, and we move into these roles that we take on. Once we separate, it becomes tough for people who have never really looked after the accounts before or have never really instigated discussions. Because communication is such a big thing when we are in a relationship and in many cases, not being able to properly communicate can sometimes be the pitfalls of why we can’t fix our issues. Still, we then get out of the relationship, and we’re having to use all of our skills to communicate with someone.

That has heard us or who has said they no longer want to be married to us, or it may be us that sign. We no longer wish to be married to them, and communicating through that can be very difficult. So I wanted to explain to you today one of the critical things when dealing with your ex around specific points. I bring this to your attention because of a conversation I’ve had today with one of my clients. She’s already been to mediation and done all of the hard work for the children. There’s a perceived agreement in place on how the children will be looked after moving forward. Now it’s not written up in any parenting orders as yet. It’s just mediation. So it’s only a discussion with a mediator’s help to get to an outcome. Which is satisfactory at this particular time for the children.

So anyway, the father no longer wants to abide by what happened at mediation, no less than maybe it was about a month ago. So it wasn’t really that long ago. And it was under his instigation that she went to the mediation because we were just going to sort it out. And when we did the consent orders. For those of you who don’t know here in Australia, consent orders get written up to go into the family court to get stamped by the registrar or a judge to say, yes, all of these sit been written in these orders actually complies with the family law act. And it’s fair and reasonable for both parties.

So we were just gonna, you know, write them up and go shape with the ex-husband and his lawyer, but he wanted to go to mediation. So she went off to mediation, and she was quite willing to work at something suitable for both parties. 

Now, yesterday, when he had his conversation with the kids, he decided to say that he wanted to change a lot that had already been discussed.

Now, the kids aren’t aware of what’s going on behind the scenes. Obviously, the mother was distraught that he’d gone over and above what they’d agreed and wanted to organize some things with the kids that probably wasn’t suitable. So she was heartbroken. She was petrified, and she was terrified.

She said I thought we’d had some things in place that would protect the kids. And she wrote an email to go back to the husband, and she sent it through to me this morning and said, Tanya, could you just have a look over this and see what you think? Now, the reason I’m telling you this now is that we’re talking about communication, and we’re talking about finances.

When we are communicating with our ex, it’s effortless to see it as a way of putting all of the points that we want to get across into one email or one lot of correspondence. So in her email, it was written very, very well. She’d outline the facts from the mediation and what they’d agreed on and just said to him, you know, you’re stepping outside of what’s been agreed.

Not to mention, she then editing some other things that emotionally felt good for her. She was trying to get some of her stress and anxiety off-air chests. And she was trying to stand up for herself from behind the keyboard of a computer. And we all sometimes need to feel that we’ve got the strength to stand up for ourselves. Don’t we? So. I read it and thought to myself, it’s an excellent email. It really is. But by sending it through, by pressing send what she would’ve done, she would have started an argument because there was a lot of emotion in it. So when you’re communicating with your ex-partner or. If you’re not even at that stage just yet, this is just something to be really mindful of.

Don’t get into the emotional feelings. Part of it, stick to the facts, and the shorter and sharper the correspondence can be. It looks like you really just want to get to the points, and you’re not interested in getting to the dirty part of it. Because if she sends his email through, he’s going to interpret it or read it in a way that could backfire on her, which could mean he might say, no, I’ve had enough of this.

I don’t like how she’s written the email. I think I’m going to take this further, and I’m going to ask my lawyer to take her to court so I can have more access to the kids. Now we don’t want that, but that’s what happens when dealing with such an emotional time. People’s emotions are heightened, aren’t they? Now he agreed to these terms at the mediation. And obviously, something in the last few weeks has happened that’s changed his mind. Now we don’t know whether he may have had a fight because he has a new girlfriend. We don’t know whether he’s had a fight with his girlfriend. We don’t know whether he’s had a bad day at work or what’s happened in. He thought he may have been driving home and had an accident.

We don’t know. Or it could just merely be that he wants to take it out on his ex-wife that, you know, he’s not seeing his children like he thought he would. There’s so much more behind this. He’s not seeing them often, but you know, just trust me when I say there’s a reason for it.

So, we have a client that wants to communicate with their husband to protect her children. And she’s done it very, very well. So the key here is just to make sure in any correspondence, firstly, you stick to the facts. Don’t get into all of the emotions; don’t get into calling him or her names, don’t get into anything other than the high-level facts. And the shorter and sharper you can keep the correspondence, the better, because the more words in anything, the more that can be interpreted the wrong way.

So it’s like anything we do in this divorce area; it’s just easier to make sure we stick to the facts, and less is best. So writing war and peace is not going to get you anywhere, or at all; it is going to do is highlight critical points that maybe you never thought were an issue, and they will be brought to the surface because however, you say something can be interpreted entirely different by someone else?

So hopefully, that’s made sense. This is only a really quick short podcast today, but I thought we all needed to talk about and correspond with our ex-partners because it’s our responsibility to make sure that we hold our head high. We, we still 100% protect the children and defend ourselves.

But we do it respectfully, not only to us but also to us, but if you’ve got, um, you know, uh, emotions and. You’re really dealing with some issues. It’s better to talk to a professional about it and put it into an email because you could start a war, and no one wants that because you often hear me say for every action, there is a reaction.

And we don’t want that reaction to be something that’s going to cost you so much money when all it could have been was to just cut all of the emotion out of the correspondence. Keep it short and sharp and to the point and as much evidence as possible. And that that’s the key to really getting through this time of your life.

All right. That’s it for this week. And I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye. For now.

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Reclaim You is Your Responsibility and No One Else

Reclaim You is Your Responsibility and No One Else

In today’s episode, we will discuss the Restore Me program’s third pillar: reclaim you. Despite thinking that our anguish, fear, uncertainty, or any negative feeling we are having is someone else’s responsibility, it is not. 

In this episode, I will demonstrate to you that you have the power to change any negative emotion. I will explain to you how to become bulletproof to any negativeness you receive from anyone. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

The false belief that we can’t change our fate [00:03:00] 

Our thoughts vibrate [00:06:00] 

We mirror what we feel [00:09:00] 

The stories we tell ourselves [00:12:00]

We don’t need to be that person that feels exhausted [00:15:00] 

The importance of changing the context of our lives [00:18:00]

Links

 

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

 

Hey there. And welcome back to the divorce angel podcast. My name’s Tanya Somerton; I am the divorce angel. My job is to help people seamlessly part ways. And it’s something that I’m really passionate about. If you are new to the podcast, it might be a great idea to go back and start listening from the start, where we go through the fundamentals of what it requires to have a successful divorce.

And we answer the questions early on to actually. Help you save money, put all of your paperwork requirements together, understand what needs to get done as effortless as possible. And last week, I actually said something that many people might find a little bit confronting, but this is the truth.

Divorce is easy, and that’s true.

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If you use my system, divorce is easy. Life is hard. Actually, the part that we go through and when we put together the processes and procedures is not that difficult, but what is complicated or what can make it difficult is our human emotions when things get out of hand.

We’re employing people that are causing us to get a little bit anxious or even become vindictive. And they’re the things that really make it harder. But if you do it in its simplest form, the format of getting divorced doesn’t have to be hard. 

So I wanted to talk today about reclaiming your life. Now, many people have this belief that I’ve made this move and the rest will just happen. It will be what it will be. And there’s nothing really I can do about it. I just need to accept it. You could feel exhausted, feel unsafe and have moments of anger. Now, these are the beliefs, what I’ve called, the struggling separated. And I know who the struggling separated are because I was one of them for some time.

I was so confused. I had no direction, and I was in this concrete mixer of lawyers, financial advisors, accountants, my own emotions, other people’s comments, my own self-belief or lack of belief. 

You’ve heard me talk about the difference between the content and the context of your life.

So the content of my life is the people who I work with, my friends and family. Everyone throwing everything into the concrete mixer, and it just being turned around and around. 

I was seriously struggling. I did not know what my direction look like and how to reclaim my future.

I first needed to let go of my past. And that was really difficult because I didn’t realize I had the power. And there is the truth. You can accept what has happened to you or what your future may be. Or you can try and deny it. You can be one of those people that never gets over it.

Who wants to be vindictive and nasty, whether they be a man-hater or a woman-hater, are the people that haven’t actually addressed their own issues. 

And it’s sad to say because it’s easy to do when you have the tools, but it’s also easy for me to say because I’ve been through it.

Now I live the way that I want to live because I’ve learned from the past mistakes. And I didn’t want to be one of those people that always talked negatively about my children’s father. I didn’t want to talk about all of the bad things that happened because it brings you down when you continually talk about those things, and I’d had enough of feeling like I was nothing invisible.

I was sick of feeling frightened, isolated, unorganized, exhausted, helpless. I was sick of feeling lost. So having been there myself makes perfect sense to think my world is turned upside down, and I just have to accept it. But here’s the thing we all have free will, and we all must have the ability to let go.

We just have to let go. If we hold onto the things that have kept us angry, unhappy, or sad, they are the emotions we have pumping through our blood. They’re the thoughts that we have going through our mind all of the time. And we’ve spoken about this before. But our thoughts have vibration. And when our thoughts have a vibration, we stay in that energy.

So when we continue to have these perpetual negative thoughts, that’s where we remain. And whilst it’s easy to say, some people need to go and see professionals for that very reason. You know, sometimes it can be it without a data chemical imbalance or a real deep depression. And if this is you, you must go and see your GP.

You must go and get help. 

It’s not just the sadness of what we’ve been or what we’re going through for many people. You need to believe that it’s possible. You must know that you deserve to be happy, but living in blame or anger is not the answer because you just reflect those emotions on the inside.

In other words, if you are angry at your partner, there is no doubt, and I want you to be honest, that you’re probably mad at yourself. And talking with a client this morning, she has a real lack of trust in her partner. When I spoke to her, I said we have evidence that he lies because he’s done quite a few tricky things, and she’s got proof of this deception, but I asked her, are you actually worried about the trust that you have for him? Or are you more concerned about the lack of confidence that you have for yourself? Because we mirror what we feel. So she feels like she can’t trust him. And she has evidence that she can’t trust him. But the real truth is she can’t trust herself. She’s lost trust in her own ability to now make decisions because she chose this person to be her husband.

She’s lived with him for many, many years. And if she trusted herself, She believed in herself, then she’s got to be second-guessing. Hang on a minute. Look at the situation that I’m in right now. It’s a mess. And I’m in this mess because of a choice that I made. So I really can’t trust my own choices and decisions anymore.

So once she got to that underlying thought or belief that she had. Then it was easy because all of a sudden, once she’d come to that realization, we can now work on that. But she was blaming him where she already knows who he is, and she’s got evidence of his, his mistrust, but she never realized that she was feeling that way, a better herself.

And this is the same. When we are talking about our partner. If you talk about your partner in a vindictive way, that is aggressive, that is angry in nearly every case. It is because you feel the same way about yourself. When you get to the stage where you can talk about your partner in a loving way or a way of forgiveness, you’ve started to do those things to yourself.

And that’s where the power is. So it’s time to look at all of your real stories. And when we talk about stories, it’s what you were brought up to believe. And in a lot of cases, we were told marriage is forever. And if we don’t succeed at marriage, we must be a failure, and life will never be the same after we’ve been divorced. Some people even think I’m too old to start again, and I’ve heard them all. They can go on and on, but most of the time, whatever our belief is, it’s usually a story that we’ve picked up either from our parents or some family member or something that we’ve heard elsewhere.

And it’s what we believe. But the truth of the matter is. It’s merely a story. And if we wanted to change that story, we could do it with a click of a finger if we wanted to change the story, but some of us don’t want to change it. Some of us want to believe it because then we can stay in that. Everyone feels sorry for us.

Or look at poor Joe or look at poor Mary, look at where they are. It’s unfortunate how their partner did what they did to them. And you can stay that way if you want to. But I was also in that position; people said to me, I can’t believe that you’ve just forgiven and got over it. It took me a little while, but it took me time to learn the skills.

It took me a while to get the tools to be able to do that. And now I’ve never looked back, and I use those same tools and skills every day of my life. What I accept to believe or what I assume to hurt or not to hurt me. That’s my choice. I get to choose what that is. And that is where the power is because right now, you have the option you can choose to let your ex-partner upset you, to make you angry, to make you feel worthless or whatever it is.

You have a choice, and that choice is yours. But so many people say, mom, my ex said this about me, which caused me to feel. Blah, blah blah. That blah, blah, blah, is that person’s choice to feel that way their ex has not made them feel that way. Yes. If said the words or they’ve done the actions, but if it doesn’t affect you, then that’s up to you.

That’s your choice. But when you believe in yourself, you become a conscientious seeker. You’re looking for the best in everyone. You’re looking for the best in yourself. You can shift your beliefs, but every day you are being who you want to be. Because when we want to reclaim ourselves, this is what has to happen.

Firstly, we need to believe that we are worthy of it. That’s the start of it. Then once we think that we deserve it, we start to believe that it is possible. And once it’s possible, We then put a plan to achieve that belief. And then we put action steps, little steps every day in place to execute the plan.

And then all we need to do. We just leave the plane with being the being who believes that we can do or have whatever it is that we want. We don’t need to be that person that feels exhausted. We don’t need to be the person that feels uncertain or angry. We then stop being the struggling separated, and we start to be what I call a life lover. The person that feels fulfilled is joyful, confident, and beaming from the inside out. 

It’s time to reclaim you because when you discover that it’s not your ex’s fault, that a lot of the time it was you, because when you decide that it was up to you and you take that responsibility, what happens is happiness is just around the corner.

The reason is, is because you understand it’s in your hands. No one else’s, it’s up to you—no one else. If someone says something to you, it’s up to you how you respond, and you start to feel bulletproof. You become that conscientious seeker, and you’re only, you’re looking for the love, not the hate, the happiness, not the sadness.

The hope, not the despair and reclaiming you, is no one’s responsibility but yours. 

So that’s why I put together the restore me program. If you’ve listened to the last two podcasts, you will have heard me talk about the importance of rewriting your stories. Why it’s so important to reconnect. And then today, we’re talking about reclaiming because it’s all of these three pillars that it takes to put your life back together.

So the Restore Me program is a five-week program that takes the struggling separated to become life lovers. It’s a comprehensive and transformational program in its simplicity. And I’m pretty that it works. I leave him brief this formula each and every day. And I can tell you, it is improbable that anyone can ever really get under my skin because I now know it’s up to me.

It’s my choice where there’s someone who can say something to upset me or not. I feel I’ve said it before. I feel Bulletproof because it’s my choice as to what, how, and when I respond to someone and what I say to them. And in my marriage, wow. I can’t even tell you the level of respect that both my husband and I have for each other because we have boundaries. I never had before, and I could have blamed my ex-husband for why I felt the way I did, but let’s be honest, I never fully let him understand, or I never really let him know what it was I wanted or how I wanted it. Because I didn’t know myself. And that’s why the numbers are so staggering with divorce. You do not want to be one of those people that makes the mistakes second or third time around. But if you don’t change your context next, which is your thoughts, your beliefs, your stories.

And if you just change your content, which is the person you’re married to, or the house you live in. You will only make the same mistakes over and over again. It’s so essential to change your context. And that’s what reclaim me is all about. So it’s going to start in a few weeks, and we’ve got a, um, a waiting list.

I’d love you to put your name down. So you’ll be one of the first to find out all of the details for when it goes live. And in our show notes, we will put a link to the waiting list. So you can get on there and find out as soon as we go live. The clients who have already been through the program have had massive shifts and each, and everyone has made just a big enough difference in their life to know that anything is possible when they implement the tools.

And I want that for you as well. So thank you for listening, and I really look forward to talking to you again very soon. Bye for now. 

 

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