It is funny what happens with bravery. We tend to think that there are only two possibilities, brave or coward. The truth is we can teach ourselves to be brave; we can make our bravery grow the same way we grow our muscles in the gym. It is possible to learn from every backlash we suffer in our lives and use that experience to feed our courage. In this episode, we talk about courage, and I will explain what I mean when I say that bravery comes in many forms.

Let’s get into it!

 

Timestamps

You are brave, even if you feel you’re not winning [00:01:00] 

Putting steps in place [00:03:00] 

The four types of courage [00:05:00] 

Moral courage and me [00:07:00] 

I’ll stand up for you [00:09:00] 

The body follows what the mind tells it [00:11:00] 

Why it’s vital to keep growing [00:13:00] 

Intellectual courage [00:15:00] 

You’ve got the courage [00:17:00]

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

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My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

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Divorce Roadmap Session:

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Transcription

Hey, everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. It’s so great to have you with me here again. Today, I thought I’d talk about something that I’ve noticed that so many people have. Still, they really aren’t aware or appreciate how much of this skill they actually have. And that skill is courage.

Now, let’s look at the definition of courage. Courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulties, dangers, pain, et cetera, without fear. And in other words, It’s bravery. And so many of you are so brave, yet, you don’t feel brave. You think the actual opposite of brave.

And what I want to do in this podcast today is outline how special you are. Even though you feel like you’re not winning, let’s call it the war you actually are. You’re getting further or becoming more aware of what’s going on in your surroundings. And that, my friend, is making you just that little bit braver every day.

You become braver because

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if you don’t find the courage to make your life better, the universe will come along somehow and slap them on the behind. And it actually makes things happen for you. I’m going to repeat that. If you don’t do something about what is going on in your life, the universe will come along, making something happen. In other words, it will force you to take action. And I noticed this in my own life. When I knew for sure, I knew in my core that something had to be done, you know, I ignored it because I was living in fear. It was easier for me to forget what was going on because I had this safety around me.

That something happened, and I had no choice but to activate it and deal with the people I do day in, day out in many of my different programs; I’ve noticed this. Happen, time and time again. So the people that simply think I’m just gonna leave it as it is. I’m better to be in pain than actually take steps to fix it.

Something will happen, and they have no choice. So I suppose let’s say this is a universal law. So if you knew for sure, this was a universal law. If you knew for sure that if you don’t put steps in place that something will come along and force you to do it, ask yourself, what is preventing you right now from moving forward? What’s stopping you from changing your environment? What’s stopping you from making your life better? Because we weren’t meant to just survive. We were told to thrive. We were put on this earth to make a difference, and I’m not talking about being a Martin Luther King or making a difference massively.

Everyone’s journey is different. What your difference might be, might be for your own community. It might be for your own family, your children, your business, or your job. It could be actually finding the happiness that you’ve strived for so long.

And just that ripple effect that you have on other people around you is the reason that you were put on this earth. 

And you will have before heard me talk about disintegration anxiety. It’s what keeps so many of us from moving forward. 

Disintegration anxiety is extreme anxiety that the personality of the person is falling to pieces. So you are stepping outside of your comfort zone, and one thing starts to improve. And then a few weeks later, you feel so uncomfortable. So anxious, so overwhelmed that it’s easier to go back to where you were before because you didn’t feel the feeling you’re feeling when you put those steps in place to better your life.

And today, talking about courage, I’ve got this little diagram here in front of me, and there are four different sorts of courage. 

And you maybe didn’t even realize these there’s moral courage. And what moral courage is standing up and acting when injustice occurs when someone is being mistreated. Moral courage is probably something that we often think about. This is what we read when we think of courage. We believe that, yes, this is what it means. It means standing up when you know something is incorrect. 

And for me, it pumps through every vein in my body. Fairness is what I live by. I want everyone to be treated fairly, and you might be very similar to that. You know, I don’t like to see people being mistreated. I don’t like it. I was telling my husband the other day, I can’t remember when. My children were younger, and we would go to church every Sunday. I don’t go to church anymore because I don’t believe in God as such anymore. Still, when the children were growing up, the family, we were Catholic, and my children, went to Catholic schools, and I wanted to bring them up that way. Now I’ve got nothing against religion anymore. It’s just in my evolution as a person, I’ve changed what I believe.

I’m not saying anything about any religion. I’m just letting you know because I need to be very vulnerable with you. After all, if I’m vulnerable with you, you will be vulnerable with me. But I no longer believe in religion. I’ve changed how I think. 

When the children were little and what would happen is every Sunday after church, we would go and get bread to go home and, you know, make rolls for lunch.

And everyone would be leaving the church at the same time, and everyone would be in the bakery. And I would also notice that some parents would send their little children to buy their roles rather than get a car park. Adults swarm on the counter, and the small children that had been there so much longer were ignored. Or just could not be safe, and we’re being bullied.

If I use this as an analogy in life, it happens all of the time. So the big people stand up in front of the bigger egos or the, you know, the. Let’s just call them the bigger people stand in front of the smaller people and sort of take on the limelight.

And what I noticed week after week was these smaller children just got pushed further and further back and could wait, you know, so much longer than everyone asked us to get their roles. 

So it became my job every Sunday morning when I would go in and get the rolls for my family. I would be saying to the people behind the counter, no, no, this little person was here before that man up there that’s pushed in, or this person was here.

And even though it’s not my role at that time, I felt like I had to stand up for the smaller people because they couldn’t be seen. And it’s just an analogy that I still use today. I must stand up. If I’ve got the strength to stand up for you because you don’t have it at the moment to do it for yourself, that’s what I’m here to do. And once again, it comes back to the thing. That pumps through my veins. It’s all about fairness. Moral courage, for me, is essential. We have another kind of courage, and it’s called disciplined courage. And disciplined courage is where we remain steady fast.

We become strategic, and we’re deliberate in the face of inevitable setbacks and failures for the greater good. And when I think of disciplined courage, I often think about people who have had illness or injury, or something has happened in their life. Yet, they know deep inside that this will not, I repeat, will not represent them and their future.

Just as an analogy, it could be someone that had an accident and become a quadriplegic. Or maybe has had an illness, let’s say they’ve developed cancer. And the doctors say to them, look, I’m sorry, but you know, we can’t help you. There’s nothing we can do for this, but they are so deliberate in everything that they do inside of them.

They are not accepting what they’re being told, and no matter what they have to go through, they know that the outcome they’ve been given is not the outcome for them. And so inside of their body, they will fight everything that they’ve been told. It doesn’t matter how sick they get.

It doesn’t matter what happens. They do not give up and keep going and keep going. And in so many cases, the mind will be the vehicle that delivers the body’s outcome. So if the reason says with discipline courage, no, this is not going to happen. I will make sure it doesn’t happen.

What you usually see is the body will follow what the mind is telling it to do. So that’s, that’s probably my little analogy on what we could say is disciplined courage.

Then there’s empathetic courage. And that’s acknowledging personal belief and intentionally moving away from them to vicariously experience the triumphs of others.

These could probably be related to what I was saying regarding how I was brought up as a Catholic. And then have changed my opinion or have changed my beliefs over time. You know, it’s tough to stand up in a society when you may have different views from other people. 

It could also be me standing up to make a difference when it comes to getting a divorce because I know there’s a better way. People just need to understand the skills and techniques and have the information to make a difference. I’m standing up against what I think could be done better.

I’m changing the beliefs of others. And trying to get them to intentionally move away from what they’ve been brought up to believe. Maybe what we’ve been taught to think or indoctrinated in as children may not be accurate. And that’s how we grow and evolve as human beings. It’s essential to continue growing.

And you will have heard me say before, if you go back to the very start of the podcast, we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. And if you’re the smartest person in the room, then you’re actually not living and learning. You’re even dying because if you’re getting the same conversation day in, day out, and you’re not expanding as a human.

Then you might as well just roll up in a ball because where’s your expansion coming from. It’s not coming from anywhere, and it’s time to always learn more and something. I’ve also learned the more we think we are smart, the less we know. In other words, the more questions we have answered. The more questions we have.

So if you think about it, people who think they are the smartest actually know the least. Because there’s so much more. The more we know, if you think about it, the more we learn. The more we know, the greater the questions become because we become so much more evolved as a human.

So those people that think they know it all are usually the people that know the least. They’re living in sort of a box; they’re living inside their own reality and don’t want to learn anymore. They don’t want to know that there’s more outside of what they think is their reality. And that becomes very frustrating. 

And then the last one is intellectual courage, and this is challenging old assumptions. Acting to make changes based on new learnings, understanding and insights, learning from experience, education, and research. And one of the most remarkable people I follow and amazes me how he does his business is Elon Musk.

You know, I look at this guy and think he’s been on the verge of bankruptcy. How many times now, yet he still does not give in. He knows for sure if he pushes the boundaries, he could go well and truly outside of this world. Yet, you know, people might think he’s made. He still just keeps going and going and going.

And I have a close friend who works for Tesla. So I get to see some of the inside workings of how this man thinks. 

Some of these conversations with my friend blow my mind with the boundaries that Elon Musk pushes to make the world a better place.

Some people might call him, you know, the mad scientist. Who knows what history will say about him. But he knows that the old way of doing things needs to change. And I would like to think that by no means am I anything like that. But that’s what I want to push when it comes to separation and divorce as well.

And that’s what I want you to do. Just because everyone else has done it one particular way, and society tells you, it doesn’t mean that it’s right for you. 

It’s time for you to show some courage. And actually, think differently. Now, as I said, at the very start of this podcast, you have got more courage in you than you actually even know. 

There are four different types that we’ve spoken about already in this podcast. Building on it bit by bit, just pushing the boundaries, trying to cause you that disintegration anxiety.

Once you get through it, it’s like a diet, or it’s like giving up something that you’re addicted to, whether that’d be chocolate or alcohol or drugs or smoking, you know what it’s like? Like you get to a certain point, and it’s getting so uncomfortable that you just go, Oh, my God, I’m just. Well, let’s use me as an example. I’m hand on heart have been known to be addicted to chocolate. I will say to myself, I must give up if I don’t have it, then I don’t go back to those old patterns and habits that I’ve had before. So I’ll get to a particular stage, and I’ll go, you know what?

I think I’m just going to have a little bit; I’ll be all right. And if I can just push through those feelings of just having it for one or two days, it completely disappears. And that’s the same thing when it comes to disintegration anxiety if you want to make a change in your life, but you don’t know how to go about it.

And it gets very uncomfortable with the decisions that you’re about to make. You’ve got the courage, you’ve got the courage. 

Even if it feels uncomfortable, and you might be changing something in your environment. Or something is forced upon you to change because you haven’t stepped up when maybe you should have, it’ll be all right.

I promise you, it will always be all right. Courage is something you have in you right now. Courage is something that you can build on. It can get more robust, like a muscle. Just keep going. And I promise you will get through this. And in the future, you’re going to look back, and that courage that you’re building right now will just get stronger and stronger, just like a weightlifter.

And you will be okay, I promise you. All right. 

I want you to think about this. Contemplate what we’ve spoken about today in terms of courage. 

We’ve got moral courage, disciplined courage, empathetic courage, and intellectual courage. You’ve got it in one of these forms.

If you’re at a breaking point right now and then work on the others and before you know it. Everything will be okay. All right, my darlings, I will talk to you again next week. Bye. For now.

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