Divorce: Why Men Find Women Sexy Who Can Manage a Budget

Divorce: Why Men Find Women Sexy Who Can Manage a Budget

budget

 

Why men find women sexy, who can manage a budget. Budgeting is not sexy at all. Some may even consider budgeting boring. We men and women are different beasts. Women are the nurturers and men the hunters and gathers. We have different interest. What women find enjoyable, some men think is dull and boring.  

Have you heard the gents complaining about waiting while their partner is trying on clothes, and why does it take so long? To the extent, that some shopping centres are thinking up ways to keep men entertained as they know it will bring in more women shoppers.

And what men prioritise, we women can find tedious and time-consuming? I know a man that had to organise his family holiday around a Tuesday night table tennis game because he had played 96 games in a row and wanted to get to ‘100’. They left for their holiday on a Wednesday morning and returned the following Tuesday morning, with enough time contingency for a delayed flight. Because l don’t want you to worry, he made his game and reached his 100th game.

 

At Divorce Angel, when talking to our clients, the different sexes seem to show a pattern.  Our research and findings have highlighted two areas men and women think differently about when going through a separation and divorce.  Women’s greatest struggles are related to the children, and we often hear comments like, ‘He is trying to take the children’. And for men, it is about money. I overheard a comment while having drinks the other night.  

There was a group of guys supporting their mate who was having relationship problems, with them saying ‘All she wants is your money’. These similar conversations occur throughout most relationship breakups. But if we look back at history, we were all brought up to believe women are the nurtures- being children and the men hunters and gather – being money.

 

So, why men find women sexy who can manage a budget? Simple, men worry about money. They go out and (hunt and gather) to get paid and don’t want to see it misused, they want every bit of value out of that hard earned dollar. Think back centuries ago when men would bring back the animal which would be used for everything from food, to clothing and blankets.

Today, their masculine brain still thinks the same. Whether they are in construction or IT, men still see going to work as a form of protection and security. It pays the bills, it feeds the family and keeps them warm.

Now, please don’t think l am sexist in any way, and l am far from a kept women. I am just explaining this in simple terms.

 

Bringing this conversation back into the 21st century, we women work as hard as men, some would say harder. Does this sound familiar, working full time and then coming home to look after a family?  A single woman in control of her finances is my hero! And it all starts with knowing your numbers. The power and control that comes from knowing your budget can make all the difference to how you live.

Being in control of a budget can make the difference between having a secure future or finding yourself in debt. Having money is empowering. Having money gives you choices. Having money gives you freedom. So if you think doing a budget is boring, a waste of time, and there’s no need to do it. I suggest you think again, because knowing at your fingertips your cash position, at any given time, allows you to think differently.

 

‘Having money is empowering. Having money gives you choices. Having money gives you freedom’.

 

Developing a money mindset allows you to think more about investments rather than instant gratifications. It becomes second nature and rather than spending money on THINGS that can give you regret straight after you’ve purchased them, you live within your means and don’t rack up unnecessary debt.

So I’m not going to tell you in this blog how to do a budget, because I’ve already done a blog before on that, click this link to access it. And there are so many ways to do a budget, check out Google or like me start with an excel spreadsheet.

But her is the thing; a budget can make all the difference.

Not only to how you spend money, but how you attract your next partner. That’s right! I am going to tell you the difference it made to me. Being in control of my money, and knowing how much I could spend and I couldn’t spend, was simply the most empowering decision I ever made. You know why….. it is all about control. Control of my money put control back into my life.

 

After 22 years of marriage, I found myself having to make my own decisions. Shitting myself and being excited at the same time. No longer having to get another opinion or consent as to where money was being spent. Being a single, newly separated or divorced women, it was my job to know and my responsibility to keep control of my budget.

There’s nothing worse than laying in bed at night wondering how you’re going to pay the next bill. Where the rent money is going to come from or how you are going to buy the shoes for the kids? All of those things keeping you up at night.

But when you have a budget, that is in control, and you have rainy day money put aside, I can’t tell you the strength a single woman or man gets from that knowledge. I may make this all sound easy; it is anything but. However, taking control of your money takes time and effort. And you had better start today!

 

So if you think budgets aren’t sexy, I’d suggest you think again.

The power of controlling your life and knowing you have financial security allows you to walk with your head held high. A swagger in your step and an air of self-assurance. Every man and women in the room will be attracted to your poise and self-confidence wondering why you move light on your feet. Then, when he learns you don’t want him for his money.

You don’t need him to carry your grocery bags or pay your bills, what is left. It all comes down to satisfaction, ladies. And if he isn’t satisfying your needs, then kick him to the kerb, because you are self-sufficient and in control.

Amen Sister.

 

About the author:

Tanya Somerton Tanya Somerton is the ‘Divorce Angel’, whose business is to facilitate a seamless and amicable divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’

Tanya provides a step by step process which limits cost and conflict that sees you achieving your most financially beneficial outcome possible, now and for the future.

Tanya is also the Director of TLC Investment Group, a finance and mortgage company. She helps her clients budget and plan, rather than wondering if you can keep the family home.

If you need help and support in this area, contact tanya@tlcinvestmentgroup.com.au for help and advice.

She is also the author of ‘The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering independence through Divorce’. If you are looking to prevent any mistakes and save money this book is a must. Purchase your copy here

Five Areas That Can Save You Money During a Divorce

Five Areas That Can Save You Money During a Divorce

save money

 

Like anything we do in life, information is key to success and l plan on giving you the keys to saving money at this critical time. In this blog, l will explain the five areas that can save you money during a divorce. Some are mistakes, and they can be easily preventable, and the others cost-saving measures.  Depending on your highest values, will depend on the direction you take to achieve the outcome you want.

When l went through my divorce l learnt a lot about highest values and how to align them with my new life. It meant rearranging mine to meet new expectations and putting money at the top of my list. I don’t mean before family, but money certainly changed from something l never really worried about, to something that kept me up at night. Money gives security and all l wanted was to feel safe and secure again.

To achieve this l needed a positive, yet fair and equitable outcome. l strive for this conclusion with my clients because l have come to see that SECURITY in all forms is what we need for a happy and healthy life.

My clients need to feel empowered, take back control and protecting their future. To come out of this emotional turmoil, and think with a clear and level head. When emotions rule your every thought, evidence-based decision making is critical. Now is the time to think differently and be smart and spending a fortune on getting divorced is not the answer. Wasting money because of your headspace can make other people wealthy.

I have compiled a list of the five areas I see that can save you money during this time.

 

#1. Divorce Folder

When my clients engage my services, we put together a divorce folder. It is a history of the relationship with every document the legal team and army of angels will need to support the best outcome possible. I have a checklist, which my clients go through and compile a comprehensive relationship record. The difference this can make to your overall legal costs is in the hundreds if not thousands, depending on how complex your relationship is and the assets and liabilities associated.

Recently one of my clients put together two folders. A copy for her legal team and one for herself. It meant that during any conversations they could refer to the same page as they spoke over the phone rather than meeting in person. She did an index at the start, outlining bank statements, taxes, child costs and income, etc. By working this way, there was never any misunderstandings, and it builds a team mentality which is so very important.

As part of your recording of the relationship also remember to start a diary and record conversations and events after your separation. When going through a divorce remembering dates can sometimes be a blur, but can be so important in negotiation. And like the great Richard Branson, he never leaves home without his diary and records what is said at all meetings. He has kept decades of diaries as he fells you never know when you might need to recall something important.

 

#2. Talking to the wrong people

Every day, I am available to help and support my clients emotionally. That’s my job, getting expert help and support makes the journey just a little easier to bare. However, when things are getting you down, and you just need to vent because of the hurt and anger don’t ring your lawyer. I see this happen regularly after an event or conversation, where the outcome has been upsetting, and the client wants the lawyer to send a letter. ( No NO NO!) That is not the answer.

But here is the thing, a lawyer is not a therapist. A lawyer is only worried about how they can represent you in a court of law and to do that; they need the facts. When talking to your lawyer about how you feel and what went wrong will only increase the lawyers billable hours and have you paying an enormous fee at the end.

When you see a lawyer, stick to the facts. Have a list of questions you want to have answered and move the conversation along. Preferable, work with a lawyer who offers a fee for service. And please see a counsellor, no matter how you think you are coping. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel. And learn the tools to help cope when you feel down and alone.

Otherwise, use a service like mine, if you need to talk about major hurdles or conversation and events that are causing issues, and you don’t wont to worry your friends and family, my clients call me. We workshop the issue and sort out the best course of action. All without bothering the lawyer or the client be charged.

 

#3. Having a financial plan

A lawyer is not a financial advisor, and l see this occurrence regularly. Clients don’t get the correct advice or do proper due diligence before arguing over assets. They think they can afford to keep a property more for the emotional need rather than the financial. Keeping the family home, only to be put under financial stress is not the answer. Understanding the process of transferring a title and then re-mortgaging a property is not a simple task and a lot of people don’t understand.

They think they can just have the house in the financial stages of the relationship breakup. There are other ways; you just need to be prepared to think outside the box and listen to the experts. In my case purchasing investment properties and having my loans serviced by my tenants made better financial sense than living in a property l could ill afford and was going to prevent me succeeding at my dreams and wishes. Make sure you understand how this all works before getting your lawyer to fight for a home you may not be able to keep.

 

#4. Choosing the right lawyer

To me, this is the biggest mistake, and cost l see. Recently l had a client hire my company after spending $56K, 18 months and her divorce were still not completed. The level of service, simply terrible. She had been following up and getting no response. Just because you pay an extravagant hourly rate for a professional who apparently is the best, doesn’t mean they are. The more you pay, the less customer service and contact you have with that individual. There is junior staff normally handing your file, and you will be charged for every phone call, email and photocopy. All are adding up.

My new client has lost 8 kilos just from the emotional stress and the lack of support she has felt from her previous lawyer. Not to mention the ongoing admin mistakes and poor advice she has received. My team have gone over her file and are committed to achieving a better outcome and in a timeframe of 4 weeks, depending on the other side. Don’t think the more money you spend, the better the outcome. It doesn’t work like that. The family court has a framework and just as long as you have a team who are active, prepare to fight for your best interest, no matter what you paid your outcome will be similar.

 

#5. Time is money

Just like any financial market, time is money. What does this mean? Let’s say you sell the family home and the equity sits in your lawyer’s trust account. While you continue to negotiate your financial agreement, you are losing out. That money is not growing as it is not an interest-bearing account.

The quicker you can agree with your ex, the sooner your money can start working for you again. Time lost because you are not in the property or share market. Interest still accumulating on credit cards and personal loans, which haven’t been paid out. And then the greatest of all, you personally! Not being able to move on prevents you thinking about promotions, starting a business, buying new assets, educating yourself in whatever takes your fancy. This can be the greatest cost both emotionally, physically and financially and thus, does not help you save money.

I have just completed a five video series on this topic, and you can watch it on my Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCySdgHmOO53cRYMqDW9THpQ. I hope these pointers can help you save money and give you some guidance in preventing mistakes others have made. If you would like to contact me, please do at tanya@tanyasomerton.com

About the author:

Tanya Somerton Tanya Somerton is the ‘Divorce Angel’, whose business is to facilitate a seamless and amicable divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’

Tanya provides a step by step process which limits cost and conflict that sees you achieving your most financially beneficial outcome possible, now and for the future.

Tanya is also the Director of TLC Investment Group, a finance and mortgage company. She helps her clients budget and plan, rather than wondering if you can keep the family home.

If you need help and support in this area, contact tanya@tlcinvestmentgroup.com.au for help and advice.

She is also the author of ‘The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering independence through Divorce’. If you are looking to prevent any mistakes and save money this book is a must. Purchase your copy here

Lessons From One in 3 Marriages Which are Affected by Divorce.

Divorce lessons from one in three Australian Marriages which are affected.

Divorce Lessons

Divorce lessons from one in three Australian Marriages which are affected.

 

 

Divorce and family breakdown cost the Australia economy Billions of dollars every year. With $14 Billion in 2014 up to $2 Billion from 2012. Over 40% of marriages in the UK will end in divorce, with one in three lives now affected by it. In the US, around 50% of marriages will be dissolved.

While l often ponder the reason for such high numbers of relationships failing, this is not for me to fix.

I indeed am hungry for data and evidence to support a better understanding of the problems. The root course of the topic but simplifying the dilemma only makes the issues more confusing. But years from now when l have helped 100’s of people through their divorce l will hopefully have a clearer picture. Where l can educate couples, who are getting married and help them deal with rough times throughout their relationship. It is healthy to have ups and downs and have the ability and emotional maturity to work through problems, if preventable.  So they can learn from the rest of us and avert the same mistakes, of those before them.

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The Dangers of Not Being Prepared, How It Can Cost You Money and Security

Preparation the key to success

Preparation the key to success

Like anything we do in life, preparation is the key.

When you decided to walk down the aisle, you spent weeks, if not months choosing the right gown. Hours of contemplation went into picking the venue, the flowers and food served to your guest. Where your guests will sit and who is on their table. Even the honeymoon was something you had dreamt of or researched for a considerable time. These points are all majorly important to a successful outcome. The planning executed to a tee helping make your wedding day such a memorable occasion. Limiting stress and the chances of anything untoward happening to ruin your special event. You did everything possible to prevent the dangers of anything going wrong.

Then came the kids. On confirmation of the two blue lines on the pregnancy stick, your thoughts went into a positive result. Giving up your favourite vices to grow a healthy human. The colour and decoration of the room. Bags packed, having chosen a boys and girls name in preparation for either sex. And most importantly, you picked the best doctor and hospital,  to bring your new precious bundle of joy into the world. You did everything possible to prevent the dangers of anything going wrong.

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5 Things Confident Women Do To Succeed After Divorce

5 Things Confident Women Do To Succeed After Divorce

Divorce is such a taboo word, how can you succeed after divorce?

In my dealings, there are 5 things confident women do to succeed after divorce and l want to share them with you. These things are continually discussed in conversation when positive people talk about their previous relationship. They are now rebuilding their lives with energy and gusto to get on with their exciting futures. These women feel empowered and grateful.

Saying l was divorced made me feel and think, l was a second-class citizen. I felt people looked at me differently like l was a failure. Women saw me as a disappointment and men looked at me as if l was damaged and must be hard to live with.  This may have been in my head, but for some time, this was how I felt. I look back now and realise these were my issues and no one else’s.

 However, dealing with the stresses and conflict that goes hand in hand with ending a relationship, can produce erroneous thoughts. Lucky for me, this was at the height of my breakup and didn’t continue for long. How l showed up in the world has to do with no one else but me! And l needed to change my way of thinking and acting.                                                                                                                                                

Talking to other successful people who have survived divorce there seemed to be five traits they all had in common:

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How to Maintain the Best Investments Out of Your Divorce to Secure Your Future

How to Maintain the Best Investments Out of Your Divorce to Secure Your Future

investments

Not all investments are the same

Let me introduce you to Michelle.

Michelle and her husband of 28 years have separated and have just settled on their financial agreement after dividing their investments. If you have read my book The Jelly Bean Jar, you would know l break divorces into three categories: A Your decision, B Partner’s decision, C Joint decision. Each of these categories has different connotations for the partners, involved, and that is why ‘no two divorces are the same.’ Depending on the class you fall into will depend on your emotional state. How long it takes to recover, and ultimately the team of professionals l engage to best deal with your circumstances. Ultimately this team with help to achieve your seamless outcome from your divorce journey.

Now getting back to Michelle, she falls into category B. Michelle had no idea, her husband was unhappy. She was ill prepared for the disaster her life was to become when he asked her for a divorce. The couple had worked hard all their life and had two adult children. Together they had acquired a property portfolio of four investment properties around Australia and owned their own home. They both have substantial superannuation and if they had stayed together retirement was only a few short years away. Feeling frantic about her future Michelle, found out some months later her husband had a new partner. The ex-husband remained in the family home, and she moved out and was renting a two bedroom unit. Her hopes, dreams and wishes for an enjoyable retirement out the window in four words….I want a divorce. Not to mention the reality of being alone and scared about what her future holds.

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