Divorce is such a taboo word, how can you succeed after divorce?
In my dealings, there are 5 things confident women do to succeed after divorce and l want to share them with you. These things are continually discussed in conversation when positive people talk about their previous relationship. They are now rebuilding their lives with energy and gusto to get on with their exciting futures. These women feel empowered and grateful.
Saying l was divorced made me feel and think, l was a second-class citizen. I felt people looked at me differently like l was a failure. Women saw me as a disappointment and men looked at me as if l was damaged and must be hard to live with. This may have been in my head, but for some time, this was how I felt. I look back now and realise these were my issues and no one else’s.
However, dealing with the stresses and conflict that goes hand in hand with ending a relationship, can produce erroneous thoughts. Lucky for me, this was at the height of my breakup and didn’t continue for long. How l showed up in the world has to do with no one else but me! And l needed to change my way of thinking and acting.
Talking to other successful people who have survived divorce there seemed to be five traits they all had in common:
Not all investments are the same
Let me introduce you to Michelle.
Michelle and her husband of 28 years have separated and have just settled on their financial agreement after dividing their investments. If you have read my book The Jelly Bean Jar, you would know l break divorces into three categories: A Your decision, B Partner’s decision, C Joint decision. Each of these categories has different connotations for the partners, involved, and that is why ‘no two divorces are the same.’ Depending on the class you fall into will depend on your emotional state. How long it takes to recover, and ultimately the team of professionals l engage to best deal with your circumstances. Ultimately this team with help to achieve your seamless outcome from your divorce journey.
Now getting back to Michelle, she falls into category B. Michelle had no idea, her husband was unhappy. She was ill prepared for the disaster her life was to become when he asked her for a divorce. The couple had worked hard all their life and had two adult children. Together they had acquired a property portfolio of four investment properties around Australia and owned their own home. They both have substantial superannuation and if they had stayed together retirement was only a few short years away. Feeling frantic about her future Michelle, found out some months later her husband had a new partner. The ex-husband remained in the family home, and she moved out and was renting a two bedroom unit. Her hopes, dreams and wishes for an enjoyable retirement out the window in four words….I want a divorce. Not to mention the reality of being alone and scared about what her future holds.
Keeping your head above water
Have you sat there, with this feeling of worry? How the F&#k will I survive?
Survive Separation with my top tips. Don’t know about you but l knew l needed to move on, it was time, nothing was going to change and if anything l felt like l had tossed the situation around in my mind for that long, it was exhausting. I was tired, and every day I became increasingly bitter at what my life had become. Was l doing the right thing? Could l fall back in love after everything had been said and done? Maybe l could live in this loveless marriage for the kids? Could I settle for a life which no longer fulfilled me? I continually came up with a reason why I had to stay, yet my stomach and soul told me something different. There was no way l could continue to ignore what l felt, it was affecting my health. (more…)
Did you know there is a science to a successful divorce?
Before even considering contacting a lawyer, it is important to understand which of the following categories your relationship breakdown falls into. The reason being is how you act and respond to your partner due to the hurt and emotions of the initial breakup and how it all played out. This history will impact on your behaviours and decisions. In my business, we look at each of these categories and consider the emotional needs of our clients. It is so important to treat every divorce differently as conflicting emotions are involved, and our client’s needs are unique to their situation. There is no cookie cutter formula when dealing with a divorce, and no two divorces are ever the same. That’s why it is so important to look at the merits of your circumstances in isolation and not think it possible to get the same outcome as a girlfriend or family member. Reason being you are not talking apples for apples. The costs involved from this point forth and the collateral damage caused all starts with how the breakup occurred.