What if what makes us feel trapped are the things we are putting in our way. We may live according to someone else’s expectations and don’t realize that it is not what we need.  Is everything you have what you need? As we know, happiness comes from the inside. So what is the point of accumulating and be attached to objects? In this episode, I would like to show you how to declutter your life with a happy divorce. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

Happiness comes from inside [00:01:00]

Objects that mean something to us [00:03:00] 

Your lifestyle becomes a habit [00:05:00] 

Why and how I’ve decided to change my life [00:07:00]

Sometimes we can’t get out of bed [00:09:00] 

Getting out of my way [00:11:00] 

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to this week’s podcast. And this week I want to talk about decluttering your life with a happy divorce. Because let’s be honest, many things in your life right now, if you’ve separated or considering separating doesn’t work for you. You probably feel like you’re trapped. You probably also are wondering how did I find myself here? And what I want for you is to discover that you can declutter your life and you know what, there’s not a lot of things we needed in our life to be truly happy. But when we’re unhappy, we seem to collect items. I indeed collected things and possessions.

I talked about this a little bit last week. Possessions mean nothing; happiness comes from the inside. But when you discover that by decluttering your life, there can be destructive emotions. It can be any environment. It can be that they’re so much around you, that you feel these feelings of everything moving in on top of you.

READ MORE

And when you finally get through the worst of separation. And you get to that stage where you are thinking about your new life. It can be exciting. The thought of moving into a new house or the idea of your ex moving out and you making your home something just for you can also happen. I’m a little bit wary of that.

And you’ve probably heard me talk about that before. I always would prefer people to start afresh, but in some cases, especially with what we need to pay today to get into a property, sometimes it makes more sense if you can afford it and you can keep the upkeep to stay in the house. But if we get back to decluttering our life, I had a client the other day, so gorgeous, and she said she packed the house up to move.

And she can’t believe the amount of stuff that she had collected over the years. Like we all collect stuff. We’ve got the things that the kids did in prep or kinder. 

I remember one Christmas putting all of that stuff together and giving it to my kids as a Christmas present.

And they all looked at me and said, mum, you can’t give us this stuff. It means nothing to us, but it means something to you. So I don’t think the present went down as well as I thought it was going to go down. 

Anyway, it made us all laugh, going through the things that they’d done when they were younger.

We keep possessions, or we keep things that we have an emotional attachment to, but when we’re going through a relationship breakup. There’s so much, now that doesn’t have a value on it if that makes sense. Because before we were putting emotional value on, let’s say, for instance, a kid’s drawings, because we were a family, as the kids are getting older, they don’t see the value in that. 

And it was something that you saw the value in, but they don’t want it. So why keep it. 

Old furniture clothes, because when you’re going through this, it’s also a chance to reinvent yourself. One of my favourite male clients. I remember after he’d gone through the most challenging part of the separation, his sister took him out, and they bought all new clothes.

He went and got a hair cut. He reinvented his appearance as well. He got rid of all the old stuff that represented his, let’s say, daggy self. When you reinvent yourself, and you declutter your life as much as possible, if you think about it, you’re living with all of these restraints around you. Who should you be, how you’re supposed to act, what car you drive? What clothes do you wear?

You put up a lot of these criteria around how you live. And that becomes a habit. Every day you’re living in the environment that you think it’s what’s supposed to be. And then you clean out all of these things that had no value. We come here to this life alone, and we leave it alone.

I believe things have no value except for the one we give it. So if you’re not giving it a value, and it means you can declutter, it’s at that time, that freedom, absolute freedom occurs. Can you imagine not being tied down to things, or patterns, or habits that have always kept you trapped?

I mean, you’ve got this exciting ability to be whoever you want to be. And you don’t have to be what the previous chapters of your life said was important. 

If you want to change everything, you can. You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations for one more minute than you’ve needed. 

I was talking to my children the other day, and we got onto the subject of how I’ve changed, but their dad remained the same. And they’ve witnessed it. So if you can imagine, I mean, I’ve taken the time to do personal growth and evolution and to become better every day. Now I’m not saying the dad isn’t becoming better every day, but when I look at him, not too much in his life has changed.

And you know, let’s be honest for some people, they might be happy to be who they are. They might think that there’s nowhere to go. They might feel that they’re, they’ve capped. 

And that is probably why our relationship didn’t work because I was always looking for more and he was happy with what he had.

And some people might say that that’s selfish of me because I wanted more. 

But we only get one life, and I choose to make sure that every day I do a little bit more. I try a little bit harder. I push a little bit further. And if you don’t live with fear, anything is possible. 

Decluttering all of the crap that is laying around your house, getting rid of all the things that are useless and only having the items in your environment that are valuable, they make you feel special. They make you feel like you’re infallible. They give you a feeling of warmth and joy, and they make you feel incredible. That’s what decluttering can do.

When I talk to my clients, the thought of packing up their house is something that they don’t even want to face. But like we talked about last week. Are you someone that runs away from problems or towards problems? 

I’ll be open here with you. People that are struggling, they are at the worst of a life situation. So they’ve got every right to put their head underneath their blanket and not get up.

But if you get or tackle this straight on and you go, I have to get this done; there is such a prize at the end of it. You become independent. And we’ve spoken about this before. Independence is the greatest gift you can give yourself because if you need to live in a house that is full of stuff to bring you happiness, my friends, there’s something wrong with that.

If you were the sort of person that must have so much stuff around you, there’s something wrong with that. Because pure joy does not come from things, pure joy comes from inside, and it’s something that we have to work on every day. 

I get up, and I do my gratitude journal every day. I set my clock for 6:00 AM. I meditate for 20 minutes. And then for the next 20 minutes, I do my gratitude journal because that’s how I choose to start my day. Because if I start my day that way it just flows. You know, everything. The simplest thing will make me happy. Here in Victoria, we are in lockdown at the moment. We can’t go any further than five K’s from our house, and at night, we’re pretty much from there’s a curfew from 9:00 AM to 5:00 AM.

So we can’t go out anywhere. But when I’m at walking with my mask on, I make a point of waving at everyone. 

I say, hello, and people turn around and have to look at me, and I’ve had people say, it’s so lovely to hear someone going out of their way. Because I go out of my way, if I go out of my way to my date, I bet that’s a gift I can give to them because I feel so wonderful. 

And that’s what can happen to you too. Decluttering your life and getting rid of all of the things that add no value is one of the ways. And 100% hand on heart, everyone that has done this says the same. The quicker you can get rid of all of those things that are meaningless and don’t add any value to your house. The faster you will be free, the quicker you will be open to moving on. So why don’t you look around your home right now? See what’s there. And maybe even start in one room too big a job, maybe pick one place awake and stop with that room.

And little steps will get you a long way, but rather than running away from your problem, let’s tackle it head-on. And start a little bit at a time. Okay. My darlings, I hope you have a fantastic day, and I’ll talk to you next week. Bye. For now.

Recent Episodes

The Court Doesn’t Care

When we are dealing with divorces and the legal system, justice and fairness are not necessarily related. In some cases, especially those where abuse is...

read more

Follow Us

About  |  Terms  |  Contact