What we often attract is not what we wish, but is a repercussion of where we put our energy and our focus on. When we think about it, it is reasonable that if we are struggling financially, our attention will go to the lack of resources. The thing is that according to the law of attraction, if we focus on what is missing, we will attract scarcity and repel abundance. The universe sends back what we send out to it; it’s as simple as that. If we send out gratitude, kindness, compassion and love, what kind of life do you think we will have?

Let’s get into it:



We are where we are supposed to be [00:01:30]

The difference between knowing and understanding [00:03:00]

Stopping negative thoughts for starters [00:04:30]

The law of attraction [00:07:30]

There is undoubtedly something to be grateful for [00:10:30]

We tend to ignore what we already have [00:13:30]

Creating consciousness of how lucky we are [00:16:30]

We should get what we are entitled to, not more [00:19:30]

Life can be scary sometimes [00:22:30]


My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce


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Hey, everyone, and welcome back to this week’s podcast. As I record this today, the people next door are demolishing their house. Literally, there’s been cranes, they’ve knocked down the whole front end of their home. So please, excuse me if you’re hearing banging and things like that. And because of the noise, I can’t work in my office. So I’m in my kitchen recording this podcast. However, on a positive side, I’m grateful that I still have the opportunity to do this for you guys and get it out there. Today, I wanted to talk about something that I had learnt since my divorce many years ago. And my evolution as what I would like to say, I’m just peeling off more and more layers of my life as I get older. I’m more open now to things that I don’t think I indeed saw they were in front of me. I did not see them or understand what I was witnessing, seeing, and feeling. Still, something I have learned is where you are right now is a reflection of you. It took me such a long time to truly understand what this meant. Think about it, where you are right now in your life, is a reflection of your decisions and choices. And, of course, many other things, like your environment, all of those opportunities, some may say. All of those circumstances have got you where you are right now. They have you feeling how you are right now, whether that be good or bad or sad or happy. These are all a reflection of where you are right now and a reflection of you so much.

My mentor has this saying: “you are where your attention is.”


What he means by that is that if you concentrate on the good or concentrate on the bad, you get more of those things back in your life. For instance, if you’re focused on lack or scarcity or hardship, you seem to bring more of that back into your life.

Whereas if you concentrate on gratitude, abundance or happiness, you will get more of that in your life. It’s taken me a long time, folks. It really has taken me a long time to fully understand what this means. Now I’ve talked before about the difference between knowing and understanding.

We can know something, and we’ve got knowledge of it, and we can understand it because we’ve read a book. You know, we may have heard about it, but the difference between the two is gigantic. For instance, you understand what it is to have a broken arm. You understand what it means to have a broken arm because maybe one of your kids has had a fractured arm. So you understand what a broken arm is, but you don’t fully know what a broken arm is unless you’ve experienced it. And I’ve never had one. So I don’t fully know what it’s like to have a broken arm. But when we’re living our lives, we know what gratitude and abundance and happiness actually are from experiencing it.

Now, this is where the shift happens, because right now, no matter where you are or what you’re dealing with, you’re probably feeling the complete opposite. Maybe you are struggling to find gratitude in your life right now because everything seems so wrong, but this is where you can change your life.

If you can master this skill of stopping those thoughts as you start to feel them and you change them, you can maybe begin or stop those negative feelings, spiralling out of control. We can do that by controlling the frequency, the vibration and the sound.

You might be saying, well, does not make any sense. Still, there’s proof that our thoughts change our feelings. And when we change our emotions, we turn our vibration and vibration is what actually we send out into the world. So ask yourself, has there ever been a time when you felt at the top of your game, you felt like nothing could go wrong? And imagine when you walked into a room, and you felt like everyone turned around and looked at you. And they might have been times, and I can recall one right now as I’m recording this. After I’d left my husband and I was at work, I think all of a sudden it just clicked this freedom that I hadn’t felt for a long time. And I’ve really started to realize the opportunities that I could have in my life. And I remember walking through a corridor and people would just sign to me with tenure. What’s happened to you? You look so different what’s happened. And I didn’t actually know what they were talking about. Now, many years later, when I look back, my frequency was so high because emotionally, I just felt so alive, so happy. I felt like I had broken through. I felt like I was on my right track. Everything just was right for me at that moment, and people were commenting on, Oh, you look different. I was still exactly the same person. You know, I hadn’t had a haircut. I hadn’t lost any weight, nothing like that. It happened. So what was it that people were noticing? Now with all the knowledge that I have and fully understanding this concept, it was my frequency and my vibration that they were sensing. I was sending that out to the world. Now, if we talk about the law of attraction, for instance, the law of attraction works in a very similar way.

The law of attraction is where you put your attention. So stop and ask yourself, are you actually repelling whatever it is that you want right now? Because if you concentrate on the lack and the scarcity, and how hard everything is; then, what you’re doing is you are repelling all those things that you want. Because you’re thinking about all the things that you don’t have, all the worries in your life. And then that frequency that you’re sending out around you is bringing more of that negativity back into your life.

So it’s like this perpetual loop. Think about it this way. Think about gravity or momentum. Imagine you were standing there, and all of a sudden you felt like you were going to fall over. Once you start to fall, the only way you can stop is either by putting your arm out to try and prevent you from touching the ground. Or maybe, someone catching you or being able to stop you from falling. So they’re halting that forward momentum. And that’s what I want you to start thinking about with what we’re talking about today. Your life is a reflection of you. And I want you to begin to think about if you were falling and someone was going to catch you, or you are going to put your arm out and to stop right there. 

You need to do the same thing with these thoughts you’re concentrating on. So if you’re thinking I can’t do this, everything’s going to be wrong. How am I going to survive? I’m not going to have enough money, whatever it is that you’ll be wiring about your vibration and frequency is so low.

What happens is you’re bringing more sadness, you’re bringing more unhappiness. You’re bringing all of those feelings back to you continually over and over again. So what you have to do is stop the momentum, stop that falling that we’ve been talking about and to do that, you’ve got to catch yourself. So the way around this is as you’re feeling these emotions, just say to yourself, stop, just stop. 

And I want you to go back and think about something that you should be grateful for. Everyone’s got something, no matter how small, to be thankful for. And to try and illustrate this point, I want to tell you about a very close family friend of mine right now.

So a few weeks ago, we went and stayed with her and her husband, and they are the most lovely people on earth. She’s one of the most caring women I have ever met in my life. And you will hear me say many times you are the sum of the five people you spend your time with. She’s without a doubt, one of those people that if I had to pick and choose, she would be in my five.

She’s just amazing. So why we were there, she was saying to me how, you know, I’m just having trouble eating. She said, it feels like I don’t know what it’s like to have my stomach stapled. I eat a little piece of toast, and I feel full. Anyway, to cut a long story short, she started to vomit. So her husband took her to the hospital. This happened on a Thursday, and by Friday, 24 hours after going to the hospital, she had a diagnosis that changed her life forever. She’s got cancer in so many places in her body that it is heartbreaking.

She’s got it in her stomach, in her lungs, in both ovaries and some other places as well. Can you imagine putting yourself in her position just for this moment, one day she thinks everything is okay. And the next day she gets this news. So overnight that her life will never be the same again. And who knows? I don’t wanna put it out there, but it does not sound good for her. And even she, you know, she’s using the word terminal. Now, what does this mean? One day she’s going to work. She’s looking after everyone else. She’s doing what she thinks she was here to do and, you know, striving for retirement and all the things, all the things that we believe we have to do every day.

But, overnight, her life changed. Now, when I said to her, are you in any pain? She said, no, I’ve got no discomfort whatsoever, still to today. Like this was, you know, this diagnosis was within the last seven or eight days. Um, even to today she’s got no pain, but the gratitude, this woman shows is next level. Amazing.

The gratitude she feels for having no pain. And every little thing that someone else now is doing for her is such a lovely gift that even though she’s, she’s fearful of what the future looks. She said there is nothing I can do about it. I just need to do what I’m instructed to do, try my best, but every day she finds some form of gratitude, some reason to get back up, some reason to keep going.

She’s in a place where I don’t even know, to be honest. I’ve thought about it and wondered whether do I have the strength to be the same as she’s. I’d hope that I would, but I don’t know until, or if I was ever put in that position. Sometimes we don’t fully understand that seeing the sun shining, or also having a roof over our head in the current environment that we are living in. With COVID just having a job is a significant accomplishment at the moment. However, you still hear people complaining about their jobs complaining that, Oh my God, my boss is doing this. They’ve cut my hours.

Stop, some people don’t even have a job like that. Hell! Some people do not have a job right now. Some people’s lives are entirely in disarray, and people still do not fully accept how happy they should be just by getting a pay packet. They always want to see the bad in it, or what’s not going right for them.

So you may or may not be asking yourself. So what should I do now? And it’s easy. It’s so easy that we miss it. It’s so easy that we’ve made life so complicated that we overthink everything. But if you’re lucky enough to be listening to these podcasts right now, that alone tells me that you’re a lucky person. Because you’re one of a small number of people. When you look at how many people are on earth, that can listen to this. Millions and millions of people that don’t even have it, that ability and gratitude the way this starts. And it doesn’t matter what you’re going through in your relationship.

There’s gotta be something positive because when I help you, I help myself. It’s all that the law of reciprocity when I help you, I help myself. And I’m so grateful to be able to simply just do this for you to share what it is that I’ve learned. One little bit of what I’ve learned could be a light bulb moment for you. And you go, actually, my relationship is terrible, or maybe it’s not bad. Perhaps it’s that. You’ve just had this awakening, and you know that there’s more and it’s actually not that your relationship is wrong. Maybe your relationship is meant to be what it is. And it’s just that.

You’re searching for more. You’ve gone to a new level of, let’s call it evolution, and you’re searching for something better in life. And, um, you know, I’m not saying that, whether you’ve been married for five years, 10 years, 15, 20, 30 years, wasn’t great. Maybe there’s just something else out there, and you’ve got to be grateful for whatever it is. It’s got you to where you are right now. Maybe you’ve got to be thankful for the money that you’ve got in the bank. I was talking to a lawyer yesterday, and he was telling me about. This stuff makes my blood boil, about a couple that he’s just finished a court case. He’s client was the husband, and the wife was after quite a lot, was really ridiculous, to be honest. And this is where it comes back to the law of reciprocity. Why the hell does someone think they deserve more than they really do? And then the lawyers get involved, and then the lawyers go, yeah, yeah, you are entitled to that.

So ridiculous. What this woman wanted, you know. She was happy to her husband not see her children, to accuse him of some of the things that none of us would ever say about anyone else. 

You can marry someone. You can have kids with them, then you can accuse some of just these deplorable things, just so you get the right control the children and to have more money.

But then once it went to court, it becomes evident of her lies. And the judge obviously said, not okay. She wanted him to pay her a thousand dollars a week, of spousal maintenance. She wanted him to have, visits with the children only when someone else is around, and she wanted 85% of the overall pool. Now she spent $150,000 on legal fees just to try and make those points.

But this is the killer. We’re talking about an asset pool. Now, this is only worth 190,000 alone. So she spent all of that money to make a point to try and hurt the other party. That’s what does not make any sense to me. Her life is a reflection now of her decisions; everything’s fallen apart for her.

I’m assuming that because yesterday, where she thought she was going to have got all the money. Full custody of the kids, get everything and get some, you know, massive spousal maintenance from a guy that can hardly even afford to leave is ridiculous. And the lawyers were enabling her to think that this is all possible.

Thinking of the law of reciprocity, and you are where your attention is, has caused her to feel like she’s a victim that everything’s gone wrong? I can’t believe this has happened to me. 

Just consider, just consider for one minute. If she looked at this entirely different and she thought to herself, all right, what’s fair and reasonable for both of us? Firstly, she wouldn’t have spent $150,000 on legal fees. So that means that would be in the family pool. It means that she hasn’t made all of these accusations have been proven not to be true. She and her ex-husband might have a relationship that they can talk about, you know, their children growing up and those sorts of things.

She probably does not feel the way she does right now because my interpretation of it would be that she would be feeling agitated, and who knows? She would be feeling pretty bad. I would suspect. And at the end of it, she’s got a far worse outcome than what she would have done. If she’d only just sat down and they took it from a place of gratitude.

I’m so grateful that I met you. I’m thankful that we’ve got these children. I’m grateful that we build this life, but now it’s time for us to go our own separate ways. And what would have happened would have been a completely different outcome? So what I want you to do right now, I want you to ask yourself.

If you are where your attention is right now, what are you concentrating on? And using the momentum in your life and using the law of attraction? Are you attracting back what you are worried about, and do you need to stop? You need to stop right now, stop your thought process and change it and just be grateful.

Just be grateful for the littlest thing, because who’s to say that maybe just like my friend, who one day, you know, went to work and the next day had this awful diagnosis. It could happen to any of us. We just need to live our best life right now. We just need to live our best life right now. And you might be saying, Tanya, it’s easy for you to say, you’ve been through it, and you’re out the other side. Still, I’m telling you because I’ve been there. I’m saying this because I’ve lived it. I’m telling you because I witness it every day with the things that the lawyers are telling me, not that my clients do any of these things, cause I would never allow it.

When I hear these stories, it breaks my heart to think of people suffering collateral damage from poor decisions, wrong thoughts, wrong feelings, and wrong vibrations. 

Go back to when you walked into a room, and people said, wow, what’s going on in your life, you look different. 

Go back to that feeling. How do you get that feeling back again? Because when you send that feeling out to the world, you send out those vibrations, more of that comes back to you. And when it comes back, your life is going to be buddy kick ass. And that’s what we want for you.

Anyway, I can tell right now that the people next door are about to have a massive bang. So I have the time to get off my house, but just please listen to this. Go over, listen to it again, try and get the message. Not only understand what I’m saying but know it, know it, leave it to breathe. Live by the law of reciprocity of life, just like I do. Okay. My darling friends, I’ll talk to you next week. Bye. For now.

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