Hello and welcome to the very first Divorce Angel podcast. I’m your host and divorce angel Tanya Somerton. This podcast has been such a long time in the making and I’m so excited to bring it to you.
As a child of divorce and then having been through a divorce myself after 22 years of marriage, I found the stigma around the subject fascinating. While also struggling to find out why there is this cloak of darkness around streamlining the process and looking for a better way. Lawyers think of divorce as a legal process, the rest of us see it as a life-changing and heartbreaking experience.
So being a user of the so-called system and finding the information very hard to get my hands on, I started investigating why and found a system that was cloaked in secrecy and confusion. This led me to find amazing business and people who also wanted to change the system and together we have formed a team of disruptors and what I like to call an ‘ Army of Angels’.
There are so many mistruths out there about divorce and I’d really like to spend some time investigating and trying to find out why people feel the way they do. Why we feel like failures when really we can turn our divorce experiences around and make it something that is really inspiring and life-changing. Let’s learn from others and make an inspiring life.
If you would like to find out more about my business please visit my website https://tanyasomerton.com/
For a copy of my book, The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce, get your copy here
Click here if you would like to join my Divorce Angel Facebook Group
Welcome to the Divorce Angel podcast and thank you for joining us. Get ready to uncover the strategies everyone can Implement to successful separation and divorce. This will save you valuable time money and emotions while learning the secrets to your happily ever after. Now our host my wife Tanya Somerton.
Hello and welcome to the very first divorce Angel podcast. I’m your host and divorce angel Tanya Somerton. This podcast is been such a long time in the making and I’m so excited to bring it to you.
I want to first thank my really good girlfriend Tracie Parisi who is in marketing and has said to me for quite a long time that I need to get my message out there and so many people need to understand that there’s a better way to get divorce. And there’s not too many people out there actually giving that free information away. And also, to my podcast mentor Ray Milidoni who helped me put all this together, he has been wonderful and if anyone needs any help in putting podcasts together, please just Google him.
He’s a guru in this area and he’s made this so easy for me. So, I’m very excited about providing these episodes to my audience week after week. We have such a lot of work to do in this area of divorce. It is from a whole lot of different areas, there’s a stigma about if you’ve been divorced that you’re a failure, you’re not very good at being in a partnership or being in a marriage.
There are so many mistruths out there that I’d really like to spend some time investigating and trying to find out why people feel the way they do when it’s not the truth. We’re not failures at all. If anything, we can turn our divorce experiences around and make them something that is really inspiring and life-changing and we can become better people because of what we’ve been through so don’t ever let anyone tell you just because you’ve been divorced you are a failure. If you do feel like that. That’s your own limiting beliefs issues that you yourself have and I know for me I am a child of divorced parents and I remember when my parents divorced, I was 16 and I sort of felt the stigma when I went to school and said to my girlfriend’s, my parents are divorcing.
I myself even from a child’s perspective felt like there was something wrong with us as a family unit. When really it was not the case. And when I look back at those experiences as a child now, I can see that it was the best thing that ever happened to us as a family. Well, this is from my perspective, I’m not talking on my brother’s behalf. But from my perspective because I would walk into the room when I was a child and I could just feel this tension in the room, and it was complete and utter unhappiness. So probably for three years of My Teenage life I spent in my bedroom because it just felt better to be in there than it was to be the area where my parents were together.
Now, they’d probably be really upset by that because they are both very good parents. For us as children, they thought at the time that’s what they needed to do until one of them was ready to make the move to change the circumstances that we all lived in.
So, I myself have three children three beautiful children.
I was married for 22 years to my ex-husband any together for 24-years. I never thought I would get divorced either. So, when we got together, I was 18 married at 21 and had three kids, by the time I was 25 and started a business. All within the first decade of our marriage that was full-on.
I loved him dearly and thought that we would have an amazing life travel through every experience together. But unfortunately, we grew apart, you know, we continued to when I look back at it now and sort of examine what went wrong there was a lot that sort of probably wasn’t perfect, but I always wanted to try and do better.
Not that he would probably like this, but I felt like he was like the handbrake. He was always, No. Let’s just slow down. Let’s think about this and do we really want to do this thing? We were just two completely different people.
You will hear more throughout these podcasts of my story and what I went through and at times, it wasn’t nice. I ended up having to leave my marriage, I was a stay at home mom for 16 years, so I didn’t have a job. I had to go out and get employed which was all full of growth for me.
If you think about it, I had to step outside of my comfort zone for probably a full two years after I left my ex-husband. I can honestly look back now and say that this was where most of my growth happened. That period of time I was very lucky to have firstly been married to him. But secondly to have also experienced the life that we had before and the life that I now have, and I feel that life is full of adventures and it can be really amazing. But life is all around equilibrium. We have our ups and we have our downs and if you know, there’s this stigma out there that we’ve got to be happy all of the time and it’s not true, you know, when someone feels a little bit depressed or things aren’t going well or they’re not happy in their relationship.
They’re made to feel like life is wrong. Life was not meant to be like this. We see it over social media. We’re all got to go to work. We’ve got to have these amazing jobs. We’ve got to have these happy relationships our kids have to all be perfect.
And we put so much pressure on ourselves to be something that we were really never meant to be that we always feel like we’re failing life. But it is all about equilibrium. I’m such a True Believer, we have to have our ups and downs. We have to have our sorrows to understand what happiness is all about. If everything is always happy how will we actually understand that we’re happy when it just becomes same day in day out. My divorce that I seriously and physically was rocking back in a corner crying with my hands across my legs. Just worrying and wondering how I would ever survive and what was it that I was meant to do with my life.
I’ve been able to turn all of that around and I now have an exceptional life remarried to an amazing man who I love dearly. I have this fantastic business where I have now found my purpose and I help people every day go through the Journey of divorce. And the reason I do that is because when I was going through it myself and I was trying to find all the answers, especially in this day and age.
Gee, we should be able to Google anything. We can get on our computer and find out any little bit of information from any area of the world. We have it at our fingertips. We are able to find out anything but why is it, when we need to find out ‘how to get through a divorce’ we can’t find any information?
The best way to do it. There’s nothing there. I searched,
the best way to get divorce,
the divorce process,
cheapest way to get divorced.
I searched everything l could think of. There was nothing and I thought this is just completely unfair. I was lucky enough to be referred to a wonderful lawyer. She had helped a neighbor of my mum’s. I was referred to her and I actually felt that I didn’t have too bad of an experience. At the same stage talking to girlfriends and colleagues in my corporate role. Everyone seemed to be telling me their stories of one hundred thousand-dollar divorces! And how it had cost them so much and how it had been prolonged, and I just felt it just doesn’t need to be like that. It just shouldn’t have to be there’s got to be a better way at this stage. I can honestly say that my ex-husband and I got pretty bitter, we weren’t in a good space at all. We were both very angry as my brother would say things had pretty much turn to custard.
And we just were not getting along, and I could see that it was going to cost us quite a lot of money and to be honest I was so angry as well. I was trying to make it difficult for him and I looking back, and it was such a stupid way to be reacting and, I now teach my clients that.
For every action there is a reaction and there’s ramifications for bad decisions. And we really need to sit there and consider them and when we’re going through a divorce, we need to look at it like it a business transaction and whilst that might sound completely ridiculous because there’s so many emotions involved. It is true. If you look at your divorce like a business, you will tackle it from a different place. So, if you look at your relationship from the factual perspective such as; Why am I making this decision? Why am I doing this? Then your outcome will be completely different. Hopefully by removing those emotions you won’t get so angry with each other.
It is a true science and our business has grown and grown and we’ve been helping more and more people and every time we help a new client, we learn something new that we put back into the business to teach and guide our next clients, so they don’t go through those same experiences.
But we are going to do some learnings, some teachings. We will be interviewing people that have gone through some of the darkest moments and they’ve been able to turn their lives around to have amazing new relationships and businesses and lives and life lessons from what they’ve been through.
So, I want to share all those ideas and lessons with you and let you know if there is a better way you can do it. How to talk with your lawyer or dealing with your financial advisor, to selling your house, whatever the case may be. If there’s something that I can do that will make your life that little bit easier and l have passed that wisdom on, than I’ve had a really good day and that is my purpose.
So, my obsession is helping clients chart a course through the complex process of divorce and starting a new life. And something that I just feel I must do. Last year I wrote my very first book called The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through divorce. And I get asked, ‘why did you call you book the jelly bean jar?’
Well when I was a little girl my mom explained to me that love is like a massive jar of colorful jelly beans. That’s how it feels, you know, it’s bright and beautiful and bouncy and there’s all these amazing vibrant colors. Now as a relationship goes on every time someone makes a mistake or does something wrong a jelly bean comes out of the jar. Now if you can imagine, if someone continues to make ongoing mistakes and removes the jellybeans and doesn’t replenish them love is lost. So, in other words if something goes wrong and your partner or you don’t say sorry or doesn’t make good the mistake that they’ve made or doesn’t at least highlight what went wrong then the jelly bean is not replenished. And then ultimately what will happen is there’s no jelly beans left and once is no jelly beans left the love is gone and there is nothing to fix it.
My new husband and I we’ve been together now for seven years. He’s a big Burly man. He often says things about our Jellybeans and he’s mates look at him like he’s just silly but we’re all about having jelly beans all over our house. I want an overflowing jelly bean jar. It’s all about doing more every day for each other and making sure that we look after each other and we really respect the love that we have because I don’t want to lose it. Like I’ve been through it once I’ve learned so many lessons from that. I would hate to be replaying those things repeatedly in my new relationship.
So, the latest stats especially here in Australia are quite alarming if you look at them; 40% of first-time marriages end, 70% of second time marriages and, 90% of third time marriages. Now those stats are simply alarming. I can’t do much about the forty percent because I can’t choose who you marry or whatever you do, but our clients that work with us, I can help with this 70% because if I can sit there and tell you and teach you the lessons of what went wrong and get you to actually highlight what part of the failure in the relationship you took it? It then means that when you go into your next relationship you look at things completely differently.
So, we’re ultimately trying to save those people from mistakes the second and the third time around and prevent them, if possible. And the other thing is, I just get so frustrated by the fact that people are using our court system to go and fight over nothing. And this is legitimate, one of our lawyers tells a story about how some clients wanted to fight over nuts and bolts of a cabinet that neither of them wanted but there was so much animosity and hate in the relationship that they were going to do anything just to hurt each.
And you know, the court system is not there for that sort of stuff the court system is there for children and abuse people in domestic violence situations? Like that’s what it’s there to do. It’s not for people who have had a relationship and things haven’t gone to plan. We need to take responsibility for that, and we need to fix it ourselves not the court. It’s not for other people to do for us. So, if we can make divorces and separations as amicable as possible and it all starts with the very first conversation and how we tackle that.
I am so excited about what we are going to bring to you and the group of amazing people that I have. My experts, Financial advisors, real estate agents, obviously a panel of lawyers all over Australia, we have stylists that help our clients clean out their wardrobes and get back into new careers. Whatever it is, that someone needs help and support in rebuilding their life that’s what I’m here to do. Because this is your chance to start over fresh and have an absolutely amazing life. You should not be looking at divorce as a failure, but just possibly the beginning of something amazing. The Building Blocks of life is your current and previous relationship and they are constructing the person you were always meant to be.
So, if you’d like to come along and join our Facebook group, we have the divorce Angel Facebook group that you can search and come along and join. I offer some trainings in there and tips and helpful discussion and not only that it’s a really good support network if you need other people to rely and that’s a great asset if you’d like to come and jump in there.
I also have an amazing website and on our home page, we’ve got three freebies you can download and have a look at. You can go to www.tanyasomerton.com, hop in there and have a look at some of our programs and our freebies.
I’d love for you to subscribe to this podcast and share it and comment.
I’m going to bring these to you every Thursday. So, if there’s something that you really like to know or have answered, please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will try and address whatever questions or queries that you have. I look forward to you again week after week. So, thank you.
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