As we already know, divorce is much more than just going to a lawyer. After we get the priorities in order, we will find out that divorce is the process of elimination. The key is to have access to a system capable of organizing the steps we need to take. We’ve got to ask the right questions, and then the answers will eliminate the problems that we’ve got. But we’ve got to go through them one after the other until we get the outcome we need. 

In this episode, I explain a little bit more about the Divorce Angel’s pillars which I mentioned in last week’s episode. I explain on how we manage this step by step approach of eliminating the problems we face during the divorce process and gear up to successfully finishing the race.

Timestamps

The issue with the old-fashioned divorces [00:01:00]

Divorce is something that we want to do only once [00:03:00]

A party or a war. The choice is ours [00:04:30]

Being attached to an outcome doesn’t help [00:07:30]

The importance of planning [00:09:00]

The expert team [00:12:00]

Emotions during a divorce cost money [00:15:00]

It is essential to learn from people’s mistakes [00:18:00]

You need to ask the right questions [00:21:00]

Links

The action centre

https://divorceangel.vipmembervault.com/products/courses/view/1008391

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

Hey guys, welcome back to the divorce angel podcast. I hope you’ve had a great week. Today I wanted to talk about my business pillars because after talking about them last week, someone asked a few questions, trying to understand what the business pillars are.

And because I’ve been where you are and I know what it is. The exciting thing is I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I’ve also got some of the most amazing people that work with me. I am truly blessed, but not just that. Each client that we work with gives us more information, more metrics, more insight into what is going wrong in the divorce process. And I always like to say that the way 99.5% of people get divorced is the old-fashioned way. The way people get divorced is so wrong that someone needs to do something about it. 

And it’s, it’s my purpose. It’s my driver. My job is to get out there and explain to you what isn’t working, so you don’t make the mistake I’ve made. My goal is giving away as much information as I possibly can.

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If you’ve gone through my podcast, you would see that I give away a lot of information. Now, I get no benefit from this podcast other than the joy that I get from bringing it to you. But it costs me money. I have a team that needed to edit it. We have to upload it. We’ve got to pay for all of the privileges of me bringing this podcast to you. But I do it because the bigger goal for me is getting this message out there, getting it out to every single country out there to say, stop. What is happening is not okay. It’s not okay for people to be losing their houses, and getting into financial distress over the task of getting divorced.

Now, divorce does not need to be complicated. We make it difficult for many reasons. Those reasons are why we coach our clients to try and prevent them from doing what other people are doing. So what we’re trying to avoid is what the bad lawyers are trying to instigate.

They’re trying to instigate hatred. Bad lawyers are trying to instigate fighting because they know if they can get that to happen with a couple, “chin-chin”, they’re going to make a fortune, and we don’t want that. It is the same when you first learnt to ride a bike. You fell off, and you got back on, you did it again and again and again until you got the hang of it.

But divorce is something that we only ever want to do once. Sometimes we don’t want to do it at all, but if we’re in that unfortunate position that some would look upon and say, well, unfortunately, you’re getting divorced for me. I don’t look at it that way, but some people do. You’re not going to be doing it several times, and therefore, you’re not going to learn the lessons.

But because we’ve learnt the lessons, we’ve got the metrics, we’ve got the tools, we’ve seen the benefits, we’ve seen the outcomes, we know what works and what doesn’t. And because of that, there’s no doubt in my mind that we have the answers. And let me give you this metaphor, “when there are two people in a conversation, it’s just a conversation. When there are four people, four people is enough to have a party. Or four people is enough to start a war.”

And in most divorces, there could be you and your ex. Then you bring more people into that equation, and before you know it, you have a war. 

So just be very, very careful who you bring into that conversation with you. Because I believe you prefer to have a party than a war. If you’re not going to use my business, let me give you some insight into what we do so you can implement some of this into your life.

I’ve already spoken before about the five steps to a seamless divorce, but I’m just going to go through them again quickly. 

The five stages that we have, and we did use to have what was known as the victim stage, and it never really sat well with me to call this stage “victim” because it can be a lot of things. But I’ve changed that now to “worrier” because we do nothing but lay awake at night worrying about our futures. Our past consume us, and we lay awake worrying all the time, and the truth is the past is gone. 

The past is over. There’s nothing you can do about the past.

But it’s all-consuming. What did I do wrong? How did this happen, or, how did I find myself here? And that’s the first stage of our “Five steps to a seamless divorce.” The second part is “Overwhelm”. The “Overwhelm” stage is where we understand what needs to get done. And the preparation of trying to get to the next step is too much. Where do you start? What should you do? You’re so attached to a specific outcome that it leads you into a state of inaction. Our job is to get you out of that place and guide you to the result you want.

After the “Overwhelm” stage, we have “Acceptance”. 

At this stage, we start to get some momentum and get a good outcome for our clients. That’s where all of the planning comes into place. Our clients go out and put together a solid plan for their future. After they put together all of their disclosure, they know what they want. They’ve done their due diligence, they’ve got in their mind’s they can see what their future looks. They have a solid plan. After the “Acceptance” stage comes “Focus”. Here is where we were agile.

Before we spoke about the “Overwhelm” stage, and that’s where the clients find themselves attached to an outcome. They feel that if they don’t get it, it is a failure. But in some cases, we cannot get the result we want. It could be for many reasons.

For instance, it could be because you can’t afford to keep your house, and because you can’t afford to keep your home, you feel that like a punishment. The truth is it could be the best thing for you. And I hold my client’s hands as we go through this because this is what happens at the focus stage. The clients are so agile. In other words, they are prepared to go either way. It’s like a basketball game, you know? And they’re defending. They’re jumping back and forth. Or they’re attacking. They know it does not matter what outcome they get. It will be okay because they have a plan.

So because they planned, they will know if keeping the house is possible. We’ve done our due diligence and find out if they can or can’t keep the property. We find out about the serviceability for a loan, how do the prospects of the house look? Can their budget sustain/maintain the property?

All of those things. Once we’ve done that planning, then they know for sure if they can keep the house. 

Then they’re agile in how they take their next steps and what their future might look. It could be renting somewhere. It could be using the money they get out of their divorce to invest in a property.

It could be not buying a prop at all and putting that money into a managed fund or something else that is best for them. But they are agile in their thinking, and they’re open to opportunity, and that’s what focus brings you. And then, the last stage is the “Warrior” stage. Yes, I got through this! Because if you’ve been through a divorce, especially if you did it the old way, it’s like you went to war. You battled so much that you are a warrior. Yes, I’ve succeeded! 

This last stage is all about prosperity, and what does the future look? Everything that could have gone wrong is over and done and forgotten. Those are the five steps. 

If you do not address any of these steps and you miss one of them, it’s like a game of snakes and letters. I’ve seen it a thousand times. If you miss one of these stages, you will slide back and have to start all over again. And I have proof of this because I’ve had clients that have gone through all of this. They decided to do it themselves, and it has cost them a fortune. Then they’ve called me up and said, can I start working with you again? What’s happened is this: they haven’t addressed every part of these five steps. Don’t be that person. 

So you go from “Worrier” to “Overwhelm”, to “Acceptance”, to “Focus”, and finally to “Warrior”. 

Now let’s move into the business pillars. And this is what needs to happen for a successful divorce. You need to have the three of them because the outcome we all want is financial security.

We want the freedom to make the right decisions and freedom in our life, and we want to make sure that we’ve protected our families. So finances, freedom, and family. They are the three outcomes I suspect everyone listening would want from their divorce. Now, to get those outcomes, we need to have these three pillars that we’ve built our business around. The first pillar is an expert team.

The expert team must have these four parts in it. We need to have emotional support, and that can be anywhere from a counsellor, a psychologist, or a close friend. It can even be someone like myself, a divorce coach. Then you need the legal support. And of course, that comes back to having the proper lawyer, solicitor, or attorney to be able to provide you with the information that you need.

Then the next part of your team is the financial support, whether that be a mortgage broker, an accountant, a financial advisor. These pieces are critical to a successful outcome. And as I said last week, those three together are what I call life support because we need those people to help us to make the right decisions, and move our life forward. The next part is insight. This part is essential. The expert team that you are working with must have proven results. Those results are the ones that will help you get where you need to go and save you money. The next part in insight is making sure that you have a divorce strategy. And when we go back to the five steps to a seamless divorce, that’s where we’re talking about the preparation and the planning stage. 

Then there is knowledge. You want to make sure that you know that the steps that you are taking are the right ones for you. The next part of insight is time management because time is money and no more so than when you’re getting divorced. And the other thing with time management is the cost of opportunity. So if you sit there and you feel stuck in your decisions, or you’re not moving forward, or you think that this is all going to go away, an opportunity could be right in front of you right now, and you’re not taking it because you can’t. You can’t take them because you’re so involved in all of the thoughts of the negativity and what you need to get done.

Time management is both of those things. Not only time is money, but the opportunity that you could be losing because you’re not getting your stuff sorted out is also a cost. 

The next one is structured thinking. I want you to make sure that you have a structure around your thinking. Not emotional thinking.

Emotions in divorce are what costs money. We need to separate the two. Structured thinking is making sure that you are getting the outcome that you need, and you’ve thought through the process. 

How would you know what to ask if you don’t even know that the question exists? So when it comes to the outcomes that we want, finance, freedom, and family, we need to have both: expert team and insights to be able to get positive results. And then the last business pillar that we have is what I like to call “Life alignment”.

And this is something that is not happening in the divorce industry. Let me ask you this, have you accessed your intuition throughout this whole process? Because deep inside of you, something was telling you that either something wasn’t right or something needed to change. Did you listen to that?

People often say, when it’s all over, “if only I had listened to myself”.

If only I had listened to the signs that my body was giving me, whether that was an illness, sickness, feeling sick in the stomach, butterflies, whatever it was. Accessing that intuition is key to getting an excellent outcome. And then also once you’ve learned to listen to it, it helps you make the right decisions moving forward and for your future.

The other thing when we’re talking about this pillar under life alignment is “Community”. You want to make sure that you’ve got people around you. Then understand what you’re going through then aren’t trying to boycott your decisions or influence your decisions on their experiences, or what their interpretation of what’s happened is, because that can be very dangerous.

And if you’ve been listening long enough, you would hear me often talk about we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time. Be very mindful of the people that you are listening. And that’s why in our divorce community, everyone is at the same stage or they’ve learnt in helping others.

And it’s essential to make sure you learn from people’s mistakes and don’t do the same thing, but you also learn from what they did right. So then you can do it right. And then out of this becomes Peace, Power, and Prosperity because you get the order inside of you and the ability to know that what you’re doing is right for you. And Prosperity can be anything you want it to be. It can be wellness; it can be money; it can be whatever it is that ultimately is your goal. 

Let me recap. Expert team. Which is emotional support, legal support, financial support, and altogether we get life-support. Then we have insight: proven results, strategy, knowledge, time management, structured thinking and experience. 

The last one is life alignment: accessing intuition community. And we will get peace, power and prosperity, and then the future.

If you want a successful divorce, you cannot get the outcomes of freedom, family, and finances unless you have all three of these, so you can’t get an as successful financial outcome if you don’t have an expert team and life alignment. 

You have to have the insights, and you can’t get freedom if you don’t have the “Insights” and “Life alignment”. 

We spoke to experts from the legal fraternity, and the financial fellowship, and with people that went through a divorce, spending small fortunes, and then we ask them: What do you think was missing? So if you’re going through a divorce, these three pillars are vital for you to get the outcome that you want. 

Family finance security and freedom are crucial to all of us. That’s why we live, don’t we? We live to make sure that we’ve got the right choices, that we’ve supported our family, that we’ve got financial backing and.

Money used to be a dirty word. It’s not so much anymore, but we can’t help our family without money. We can’t have the freedom that we need in our life. So it shouldn’t be a dirty word. 

All of those together is our secret sauce. That’s what makes us so valuable. It’s not only going to a lawyer. If you turn up to a lawyer to ask the questions, the outcome will be terrible. They don’t care about the rest of this if anything.

If you’ve got all these things together in your secret sauce, it will save you a fortune. And it would cross them because the more money they can charge you, the more money they make. Divorce should not be expensive. Divorce is a process of elimination.

We’ve got to ask the right questions, and then the answers will eliminate the problems that we’ve got. But we’ve got to go through them one after the other until we get the outcome we need. 

I hope some of this has helped you. 

If you’d like us to give you a helping hand, that’s what we’re here to do. Go to my website and click into the action centre.

There are free resources there. Get involved in those. Go through them. Make sure that you are immersing yourself in that content because it will help you save a lot of money.

 

 

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