The 8 Lessons Learnt from Divorce to Limit Grief & Save Money
Not only in my business but from my own life experience, uncertainty can be what makes us feel FEAR the most. When your life starts down the road of relationship separation and ultimately divorce proceedings, there is no rule book.
This can increase our uncertainty and FEAR.
These are the reasons, I formulated my method which can be followed to prevent mistakes. Dealing with women every day who are emotional and unsure of what lays ahead I have put together a list of issues which may arise.
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Make sure you have a credit card in your name only and some rainy-day funds put aside. You don’t want your husband to cancel the card, if he is the primary account holder. If you are a stay at home mum with little of no income getting a credit card can be difficult.
Financial survival is one of the main reasons women stay in unhappy relationships. They have no way of surviving if they leave. This means prep work before you even consider flying the coup.
Don’t leave the family home, if possible. If you leave your home, it is very hard to get back in. This can make your life extremely difficult moving forward.
You may want to choose to keep the house or it can also be used as a negotiation tool for settlement. If for instance, the property needs to go on the market because your ex wants to move on and needs the funds, it will need to be kept clean and tidy for sale.
Your home is also in a lot of cases your greatest asset and getting the best price important for your future financial security. If you have children, they will want their belongings and the warmth of their bedroom as they deal with the changes occurring in their lives.
Don’t look back and never have second thoughts. As part of my research for my book ‘The Jelly Bean Jar’ it was incredible how many women talked about their decision and if it was the right one…. often having second thoughts.
I am a big believer in listening to your body and not your mind. The feelings in the pit of your stomach don’t lie. If something doesn’t feel right, it normally isn’t. Listen to your instinct as it is a survival guide.
Your children may hurt you without even knowing. They are also in flight or fight mode. Everything in their life has changed, and they are looking to protect their feelings and a secure future.
There is no doubt they will do the unexpected and say something you never thought possible. Just remember, they are not aware of the whole story and love both their parents.
If you are seen to be talking badly about your ex, they will see this as a betrayal. The kids still love their other parent and you are in away attacking him.
So take it from me….. don’t say anything except the positive. Being the bigger person will protect your relationship with your child or children, and they will love for it in the future.
When you think you have mentally reached the bottom, there will be further to go. At a certain point, you will say to yourself, ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ Believe me, you can, and you will.
You will find the strength needed but didn’t know you had. Then one day, will sit back and wonder how you survived.
If you think your ex would never do something, think again. I wish l had a dollar for every time I heard, ‘I never thought he could do that to me.’ When two people are emotional and listen to others, sometimes they do things that they later regret or you never thought possible.
But at the time it seems like the only way to hurt their ex-partner. Clear thinking just doesn’t come into the equation. They are hurting so they want their partner to hurt just as much, and this happens by taking the action you never thought possible. So always be prepared for the unexpected.
The cost of hiring a lawyer and knowing that if something doesn’t feel right, you can walk away and hire a new lawyer. Sometimes, the pressure and intimidation felt when dealing with a lawyer leaves us thinking we need to continue using their services. But that is untrue.
Like any service, a professional provides, if you think it costs too much or taking too long to settle, walk away.
Sometimes the right client goes to the wrong lawyer.
And not all lawyers are the same. This is one of my determining factors for success and why my business takes the time to know each clients needs and outcomes, so we can align the right lawyer with the right client.Before moving on, make sure you address all your baggage.
This is a mistake l see repeatedly. People moving on before expressing the reasons their last relationship failed. Relationships are hard work, and I often say falling in love is easy but staying in love is hard.
If you actually want to succeed and don’t want to make the same mistakes twice, make sure you have counselling and take a deep dive into your part of the relationship breakdown. Address the hurt and anger you feel otherwise it can eat you away.
And the last thing your new partner needs to hear, is you continually regurgitating what your ex did and what a terrible person he was. For a relationship to succeed it must start on level ground not on rocky soil.
About the author:
Tanya Somerton is the ‘Divorce Angel’, whose business is to facilitate a seamless and amicable divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’ Tanya provides a step by step process which limits cost and conflict that sees you achieving your most financially beneficial outcome possible, now and for the future.
Tanya is also the Director of TLC Investment Group, a finance and mortgage company. She helps her clients budget and plan, rather than wondering if you can keep the family home. If you need help and support in this area, contact firstname.lastname@example.org for help and advice.
She is also the author of ‘The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering independence through Divorce’. If you are looking to prevent any mistakes and save money this book is a must. Purchase your copy here