Today’s episode is about the decisions we make that have financial implications when going through a divorce. When we are experiencing extreme situations, the urgent does not allow time for the important. We may end up making decisions that seem the right thing to do, but if we look at the outcome of that decision in the long term it does not seem so right.  For example, it could be thinking of keeping an asset or a property which is probably the easiest thing to do, but not necessarily the best choice. What should we consider when deciding this?

If we think about divorce as a chance to press a restart button, maybe this new perspective would let us see new opportunities.

In this episode, we will have a closer look at the decisions we make and the financial outcomes of each one of them. 

So let’s get into it:

Timestamps:

My struggles when I was facing my divorce. [00:01:00]

It is about money-in or money-out? [00:02:00]

The story about the two ladies.[00:04:00]

“Everything will always be okay”.[00:09:00]

Divorce to a lawyer vs Divorce to us. [00:11:00]

The easy thing to do might not be the right thing right now. [00:13:00] 

Think of the longterm benefit of the decisions that you make today. [00:15:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

[00:00:00] Hello everyone, and welcome back to the divorce angel podcast. I’m so happy that you’re here with me today. It’s so exciting for me.

We were just having a look at the stats on the podcast and they are going out of sight. In the last month, our downloads have doubled.

So I just wanted to thank everyone that listens and shares and tells their friends about this podcast. It means a lot to me.

My job is to come out and tell people about not only my experience but the things I’ve learned to make your life better.

READ MORE

Because when I was going through this, there was nothing out there. I couldn’t find anything. 

I couldn’t find the help and the assistance that I needed. To be honest, that was another battle I felt like I had [00:01:00] to win.

If you’re listening to this podcast this week, I wanted to have a chat about financial implications. 

For everyone, money is so important. Everyone struggles in some way, shape, or form with money. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve got $1 million, or you’ve got $50,000.

Everyone wants more or thinks that they don’t have enough.

I’ve seen clients in my other business where they could earn a good income and other people might look at them and think, well, they’re doing so well. If only I earned that amount of money. 

Yet those individuals are struggling and primarily it’s not about what someone earns, [00:02:00] but it’s about what they spend the money on. 

It’s as simple as that. It’s got nothing to do with money-in, but it’s got everything to do with money-out. 

When people are going through a divorce, partly what we like to do is a strategy, that’s what I call a divorce roadmap. 

We work out what a client wants out of their life and what they’re trying to achieve.

Because let’s be honest, when you go through a separation or a divorce, it’s a chance to reset the clock, start a new chapter, do something different with your life. 

I remember when I was going through my divorce. I felt trapped and I felt that a lot of the decisions that we’d made as a couple didn’t align with my true values or what I wanted out of my life.

I was a pleaser and I always felt like I was there to make everyone else’s life better. I just went along [00:03:00] with it, even though at times I didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do.

But guess what? Years later that was just a story I was telling myself.

I have free will, I can do and say whatever I want to do and say, as long as I am not hurting other people or things around me.

I was just talking garbage to myself. I was telling myself that I had no right to make myself happy at the detriment of everyone else. 

Which as I’ve spoken about on this podcast is not true. 

If we are happy, then the people around us are happy and that’s what’s important.

When we’re going through a divorce, it’s a chance to clear all of those things that aren’t working. 

[00:04:00] Recently I’ve had two women in my office. They are not wealthy.

Both are our battlers. They both have children who have got special needs. Both have disabled children and both women are around the same age. Their houses are worth the same amount of money. 

I said to one of them, this is your chance to start something new and different. This is the chance where you can change the story or the pages in your book of life. This is the chance where you can do something completely different if you want to. 

Or you can continue doing what [00:05:00] you’ve been doing and hope that your life improves. 

The first woman we’ve done our divorce roadmap, we need to see if we can now get her finance to keep her house.

The second woman was in my office for two hours and stood up and turned around and said, wow, Tanya, you have changed my life.

How did I change her life? She had it in her to be whoever it is that she wants to be, but what I did was I planted a seed of possibility.

I planted a seed of what her life could look like if she didn’t live the life she leaves right now. And she’s a business owner and her overheads in our business, when I looked through her financials are pretty high.

And if she went to an accountant or a business coach or someone like that, they would say, come on, let’s go [00:06:00] through and let’s review these costs. Because once again, it’s all about the costs that go out, not about the money that comes in.

It’s about where we spend our money as it goes out. Within probably 24 hours of her leaving my office I get a phone call from her to say, right, I’m putting my house on the market.

24 hours earlier she wanted to work out a way that she could keep her house because she didn’t want her disabled daughter to feel uncomfortable, nor put additional stress on her daughter.

She realized that if she sold her house, she could move to a country area where her business would probably have a greater market. 

She would not have the overheads that she’s got, and all of a sudden she was free to do [00:07:00] what she wanted to do. 

This woman’s face in her eyes have completely changed.

You can see in her soul that there’s an excitement. There’s something in her now that’s come alive. 

She doesn’t need to do what she thought she had to do. The possibilities of what is available to her has just grown in the seven days since I first originally saw her.

With the first woman, we’re still going through find out if she afford the house. She is fighting like you would not believe to keep her property. 

There’s this thing that I’ve noticed. When we push against something that is not meant to happen, it causes us pain and anguish. 

I’m lucky enough that in most cases, I can see the outcome for someone before they can even sense it or see it.

[00:08:00] Now, the first woman, given her finances is probably going to have to sell her house at some stage. But at the moment she wants to do everything she possibly can to fight for keeping the house. 

Both women are telling themselves different stories as to why they must do what they do.

But when you go with the flow and you lit what is meant to happen, who knows what the outcome could be?

There was a saying that I heard today that I simply love: “There are no mistakes, there is just an outcome”

What happened if this decision of these women takes them to a place that they weren’t meant to be.

What would happen then? Well, they just changed the next decision and they go with the flow. 

[00:09:00] And a mentor of mine has this saying: “Everything will always be okay”.

I look back now and I think, how right is he? Even at the stage when I was going through my divorce, and I thought I would never get through it. Rocking back and forth literally on the floor thinking, what am I is next steps? How am I going to survive? How am I going to look after the children? What does my future look like? 

These thoughts just kept perpetuating over and over in my head and making me feel more and more like I couldn’t get through it.

When I look back, I was stronger than I thought I was. I was able to do more than I ever thought possible. I’ve achieved more since leaving my ex-husband than I did in all the years we were together.

It was like it was meant to be. It was like I was [00:10:00] meant to marry him and I was meant to go through what we went through.

And if you’ve heard previous podcasts, you would have heard me say the first 16 years of my marriage, we were really happy and I thought we were aligned, but there was an undercurrent that I could never put my finger on. 

Looking back now, I was meant to learn all those lessons. I was meant to go through all of that just so I could be the person I’m today.

Was I meant always to be helping people go through divorce? I don’t know that I. I hope so because it’s something that I’m aligned with and it’s something I get so much passion out of.

Seeing someone walk in and be completely unhappy and then walk out two hours later and think: Wow, I can do this. This is possible. Yes, I can see the steps and the strategy that I need to take to get to where I need to go. 

It’s not just [00:11:00] about a legal document, it’s not just about being divorced.

Divorce to a lawyer is a legal terminology. Divorce to you and I is a life-changing event. It’s something that we can’t turn the clock back and ever redo again. We have to accept it and move on from it. 

The emotional side and the financial side for you and I is so much different to just the legal term that a lawyer. 

For us, It’s harrowing. It can be the hardest thing that we ever have done.

But I can tell you right now, once it’s over and you look back, you think to yourself: How did I ever get through it? 

As we’re talking about financial [00:12:00] implications of a divorce, I want you to think about longterm gain, not the short term gain. 

So in both of these women, woman one and woman two, both of them are thinking differently. One of them is thinking longterm and one of them is thinking short term. 

The woman that wants to stay, as I see it, she’s thinking short term. She’s not seeing the bigger picture and what her future looks like.

The second woman knows that if she sells her house and moves to the country, then she tries to build a business, she’s going to have a solid foundation. And she’s excited about that and I’m excited for her.

And the problem comes years in the future when you begin to see the longterm consequences of your decisions and looking at the immediate. 

The easy thing to do might [00:13:00] not be the right thing right now. 

I have clients that go “I don’t think I can face it today. I don’t think I can face doing that right now. I think I need to leave that for a bit longer”.

Each of us has to weigh up why we do that. But also ask yourself, is that just a story that you were telling yourself or you say that you can’t do it and you’re not strong enough? Because if you can get through a marriage breakup, you are a very strong person.

A friend of mine once said about a friend of ours who was happily married, the two of us were divorced, she said, that person does not know what it’s like to struggle and battle and that’s what they’re going through. 

They are too scared to decide because they don’t want to lose what they’ve got. Both her and I, we’d been through some awful days and some dark [00:14:00] nights.

To us, it was, let’s just get on with it. Let’s just give this a chance. Who knows what might happen? Who knows what might come out of this decision or stepping on the other side of fear. 

That’s what’s happening to you right now. If you’re going through a relationship breakup or a separation, you’re gotta step over that line of fear because it’s past fear when the really exciting stuff happens. It’s when you push your boundaries of what you’re able to do, that your life gets exciting and new opportunities arise.

When you’re talking about financial decisions and implications, think of the longterm benefit of the decisions that you make today. 

Think about how are you investing in your future by the decision that you’re making right now. If it’s selling a house or if it’s keeping an asset or if it’s keeping an investment property or fighting over a business.

All of those things are extremely important, but you need to ask yourself, what is the longterm benefit of this?

I have another client at the moment, a male client who has a business. And the house has a lot of machinery. The question for him was, is it beneficial to keep this machinery or to sell some of it and pay down their debt and reevaluate and start again once this is all over. 

Now, I can’t answer that for him, but it’s a question that he can look at himself.

When you’re looking at it and what does it mean for the longterm benefits of his ability to earn income, and there’s even a bigger thing here, it’s not even a bad [00:16:00] income. It’s about happiness and leaving a long and fulfilled life. 

It’s not about money-in, it’s about money-out. And what does your money-out look like? Are you keeping a house or an asset that is costing you too much to run?

Are you better off getting rid of it and having less stress? 

Looking at a bigger picture of starting again or having other opportunities.

When you get rid of that debt, it’s amazing how these opportunities arise that you may never have seen coming your way. 

Ask yourself and be honest. Is the money-out going to put you in your life under unnecessary stress, that is just going to keep you in an unhappy place?

 

 

Recent Episodes

You Have The Power To Be Happy

Today's episode is about happiness. How to get to it and how to make happiness a state of mind. Sometimes everything looks about to collapse around us, and it...

read more

Follow Us

About  |  Terms  |  Contact