After I divorced and left my husband just before Christmas in 2012, I was forced to face the unenvied position of an unhappy holiday season. That has prompted me to embark on a mission to help others through this difficult period. When I had to face Christmas alone after 22 years of marriage, I never thought it would affect me, as it did. I was struck with grief and loss of tradition. The last thing I wanted to do was deal with busy shopping centers, decorations, and Christmas parties. It nearly made me come undone.
I could never have imagined how I would end up crying under the Christmas tree just after my family and children finished exchanging gifts. I’d been the one to leave the unhappy relationship. This was how I was going to get my ‘Happiness’ back, but the reality was I had never felt so sad and lonely. No thought went into gift selection, the Christmas tree best described as ‘under the weather’, and the house in turmoil. I had a to-do list as long as my arm. Rather than trying to feel festive all I wanted to do was stay under the covers.
Good news was within a few months, I had changed my life around and was back in control. Four years later, I opened my business Divorce Angel and is now passionate about the seamless parting ways of married couples. I now love empowering clients with my 5 Steps to A Seamless Divorce Program.
So with all my experience I decided to share with you some of the tips I encourage others to use in coping with this season (to make it a joyful one) :
Start Planning Early – This applies to almost everything. If you know your budget is tight, make simple gestures like personally cook dinner, baking cookies or something yummy. Even spending time with the kids and your loved ones, doing something meaningful instead of trying to impress with expensive price tags. Speak with your ex and agree on how to share time with the kids. Rather than decide last minute. Be fair on how and where the kids spend their time, remember the ‘Christmas cheer’. If you are alone, ask a friend or family member if you attend their celebrations? Don’t always wait to be approached.
Change your approach and make new traditions – Don’t have the holiday blues, as I did and dwell on the things you are missing, look at this time as a new era. Get the kids involved in new and different ways. Maybe you want to bench watch some holiday movies, go caroling or spend time with your family and friends. Think positive. Give yourself the permission to enjoy life, the way you want it. Do something outside the box, that you have always wanted and couldn’t before.
Don’t drink your sorrows – Yes, what you consume has an impact on your mood and the stress levels. Be mindful with how you consume alcohol. Overconsumption of food or drinks can cause more stress on the body and increase negative emotions. Take time to look after yourself and maintain a healthy diet.
Keep it simple and smooth – It’s not a competition unless you make it one and kids are smart. It’s never the expensive things that make traditions and memories; it’s how you make a person feel. Avoid hostile interactions and split time between visits with your ex. Make sure to spend your time with those who matter more. Don’t put yourself in a position to make others happy. Do what feels right for you.
The inability to fully understand the emotions of Christmas and New Year left me with a time I would rather forget. Learn from my situation. It was one of the worst periods of my life and I only wish someone had explained these things to me before.
To get your future in shape with the help of Divorce Angel, go to www.tanyasomerton.com
About the author:
Tanya Somerton is the ‘Divorce Angel’, whose business is to facilitate a seamless and amicable divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’ Tanya provides a step by step process which limits cost and conflict that sees you achieving your most financially beneficial outcome possible, now and for the future.
Tanya is also the Director of TLC Investment Group, a finance and mortgage company. She helps her clients budget and plan, rather than wondering if you can keep the family home. If you need help and support in this area, contact firstname.lastname@example.org for help and advice.
She is also the author of ‘The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering independence through Divorce’. If you are looking to prevent any mistakes and save money this book is a must. Purchase your copy here