It might happen that our ex-spouse did or said something that hurt us, and even after some time, we can’t get over it. And we might even be in our right of feeling wounded but, if we don’t let it go and learn to forgive, we’ll stay trapped in anger or resentment. The thing is, whatever we think or feel about others is a reflection of how we think of ourselves. That is why it is massively important to learn to like ourselves. 

In this episode, we will talk about the secret of becoming lovable again, letting go of what is hurting us, and learning to like ourselves. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

My experience living in a place of bitterness and anguish [00:03:00] 

What happens when we stop trusting ourselves [00:06:00] 

Why we shouldn’t worry about filling somebody else’s expectations about us [00:09:00]

The importance of controlling the negative narrative in our heads [00:10:00]

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

Hey everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m your host, Tanya Somerton. In today’s podcast, I wanted to talk to you about learning to like yourself. Because so many of you, and I know these for a fact, so many of you don’t like who you’ve become. You don’t like the way you’ve behaved. You don’t like the things that you’ve said. You may even be angry about the fact that you’ve said you’re going to do something and you haven’t done it. And then, all of a sudden, you start hating on yourself. You begin that monkey mind going around and around saying, do you know what. I can’t do this. I can’t believe I didn’t get this done.

All of the things

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that we are so busy living our lives and dealing with on top of that, going through a separation or a divorce just adds to the complexity. And it’s just too much. It’s gotta stop. It’s gotta stop. It’s not okay for you to be putting so much pressure on yourself, and you deserve to be loved.

Now, here’s the thing. You need to love yourself first before someone else will find you lovable. And it’s one of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned. And it’s something that I teach a lot of my clients in my Restore Me program. You must love yourself first. You must feel worthy. You must know that you are everything that you could ever be.

Now it’s okay for us to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but many of us aren’t forgiving. Here’s a little tip. Think about the situation you’re in right now. Are you forgiving of your partner? Are you forgiving of what he or she may have said or done? Are you forgiving for the situation you’re in and accepting of it, or are you angry and bitter? Then what I want you to do is I want you to look in the mirror, and I want you to look at yourself straight in the face and tell me that you do not feel those same feelings about yourself. Because he’s the trick, my friends, what we feel for someone else and what we project to other people, we think of ourselves.

And having lived there and being a little bitter through a period until I really got to know and understand this stuff that I talked to you about. I projected those same feelings that I had for my ex-husband onto myself. When I didn’t like him. I didn’t want me when I was angry at him. I was furious at myself.

I was angry for getting into the position I was in. I was mad for not standing up for me. I was mad at him, but really I was angry at me.

And when. I realized all of this, and I realized whatever I projected on the outside, I felt on the inside.

It gave me the answers to the problems. So for you right now, I want you really, I want you to look around at your life. And see where you are feeling negative emotions. Where is it that you really don’t like your life? You don’t like what’s going on. And then be honest with yourself, because if you’re not honest with yourself, no one else ever will be.

And the only person that really that’s getting harmed. You’re hurting yourself when you’re not being honest. Okay. So if there’s something not working in your life, it’s not someone else’s fault. It has never been. It’s actually your fault. It’s my fault. When things aren’t working in my life, it’s my fault.

When I feel like projecting whatever it is and I’m feeling internally on to others. That’s when I know I need to go and spend some time addressing whatever it is. It’s upsetting me when I’m frustrated. When I feel like I’m about to blow my top. Not that that happens very often, if at all, not anymore.

Anyway, but when I look back. It was because I was frustrated. It was because I didn’t know how to deal with what it was I was feeling. And let’s be honest. It’s easier to blame someone else than it is to blame ourselves. Or it’s easy just to blame ourselves one or the other, most of the time, the situation we get into.

It is because of things that we’ve done wrong, we’ve done incorrectly.

I’ve spoken about this before, but it also comes back to trusting when we find ourselves in situations where things haven’t worked out, and this may be you right now. We struggle to really trust our own opinions. We struggled to trust our own decision-making skills. And when we do that, we second guess everything.

And then we start saying, you know, we’re not good enough. We can’t do this. I’m not strong, strong enough. I’m too dumb. I don’t have enough money. I don’t have the education. I dunno; whatever your story is that you’re telling you, you need to learn to just get rid of it. It’s not helping you one beat.

So you need to, you need to learn to like yourself first to start with liking yourself. And then from liking yourself, you can fall in love and falling in love with you is the start of your new life. When you learn that you should come first. What happens then is every decision you make comes from a place of love because it doesn’t come from a place of you feel like you’re being taken for granted.

It’s not like you feel like you’re, you know, um, being disrespected, you do things because you want to do them, not because you have to do them. And then when you do something, because you. You like doing it; you do it better. You have a better outcome. You love your life more because it’s no longer a chore.

It’s now an adventure, and that’s what’s so important about learning to like yourself.

Good. Biggest question. You can ask yourself right now is. Are you the person you thought you would always be? Are you in the position that you thought you would be? And if you’re listening to this podcast right now, the answer to maybe one or both of those questions might be no. And that’s what’s so important to learn to like yourself again because sometimes the universe puts us in positions.

That we never expected. We never asked for them, sometimes we never even deserve them, but depending on how we look at them, it could be a gift. It could be a challenge that just teaches us new skills. It could be that next thing that takes us to the following prominent place that we were meant to be. And I’ve spoken about this before.

Sometimes we don’t like ourselves because we feel like we just haven’t met our expectations from other people. Or sometimes we don’t like ourselves because we feel like we haven’t succeeded. Like we thought we would, or we haven’t fulfilled our purpose. And the day that I realized that maybe my purpose was just simply to have my daughter and my daughter was going to be the next thing that changed the world.

Suddenly, all of that pressure I felt about not completing enough, not doing enough, simply dissipated and disappeared. And when it disappeared, So much more just happened because I let go of the tension, the tension and the pressure that I was feeling.

So this is a concise podcast today. But think about what I’ve said, think about learning to love yourself. Stop the negative narrative. That’s going around in your brain. That’s telling you you’re not good enough. You can’t do this and make it positive. Even if you can just hear it and say, stop it and don’t continue it because you wouldn’t talk to anyone else the way you speak to yourself.

So it’s not okay. And the consequences of this behaviour or to have this negative narrative that’s going around in your mind is that you will never be enough. You will never like yourself. And how sad would that be? Because each and every one of you is amazing. Each of you can change the world just a little bit, even if it’s only the people in your life, but you can make a difference, even if it’s just a slight difference, it could just be one person.

And like I spoke about with my daughter, it could be that just one person that’s going to make the difference in the world. It doesn’t need to be, you know, a massive sporting arena of people. It could be just a straightforward person that you have under your wing that you contact with, that you speak to all the time, and that person could be the person that’s going to make the difference to assets.

So don’t be angry with yourself. Learn to like yourself first, and then from enjoying yourself, you will fall in love again. All right. That’s it for me this week. I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye. For now.

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