From all the possible mistakes we can make when we go through a divorce, there is one almost everyone does. And that is trying to make money out of their divorce. Most people have their heart in the right place; still, they make a wrong assessment of how much they’re entitled to from the division of their assets. The problem is that moved by greed or poor counselling, we can get into a war trying to get more than what we’re entitled to, and we might end up losing what we were going to get in the first place. In this episode, I would like to explain why I believe that money comes from happiness, not from divorce. 

Let’s get into it:

Timestamps

The importance of a divorce strategy [00:02:00]

What we deserve might be not what we think [00:03:00] 

Working hard for our money [00:05:00] 

When there is a difference between what each one earns [00:07:00] 

What do you wish for your partner? [00:09:00] 

The consequences of fighting for what is rightfully ours [00:11:00] 

Money comes to you [00:13:00] 

The doors happiness can open [00:15:30]

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to this week’s podcast. Before I start this week’s crucial topic, I wanted to thank all of the new listeners that we’ve got, that have subscribed. There’s seriously been a significant uptake in people listening to the podcast. And, research is saying that because of COVID, a lot of couples have struggled being locked at home together, you know, struggling financially. 

And when we’ve got pressure in our lives, if we can’t repair the fault lines in our relationship, they become so big that they become these gaping holes that we fall into. And sometimes we can’t fix the holes, and it’s time to move on.

So if you’re a new listener, welcome, I hope that you are getting some value out of these podcasts. And I recommend that you go back to some of the early podcasts and listen to the content in them. Because probably the first 20 podcasts outline the fundamentals of the things that you need to do to prepare yourself for divorce. Such as the legal paperwork work, the questions you should be asking, but primarily having a strategy, a divorce strategy, it is so important.

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And one of the things that I am a massive believer in, and it’s the core of my business is: it’s not up to your lawyer to get you a good outcome. This is really hard to understand for most people. If you can project manage your lawyer, or if you have an idea of what kind of outcome you want, can get an amicable outcome out of your divorce. 

So if you need my help and support, get onto my website www.tanyasomerton.com. You can book for a clarity call. I’d be more than happy to have a chat with you and see how we can help you. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world. I am here to help, and the structures of my five steps to a seamless divorce are the same in whatever country you are. 

Okay. Let’s get into today’s podcast, and it is such an important topic. The topic is money doesn’t come from divorce, it comes from happiness. So you might be saying, Tanya, what are you talking about? I deserve X amount from my relationship, and that money is going to come from my divorce. And I’m going to do whatever I can to get what I’m entitled to. Now here’s the difference. I’m not saying that you’re not entitled to a certain amount from your divorce, but what I am saying is if you try and get more than you really are entitled to things will go wrong.

It’s like this universal law that people just don’t understand. And I watch it so often people that want to fight, or they’ll ring me and say, no, I’m entitled to this, and he’s not allowing me to get it, or she’s not doing it. And when you get into that position, what happens is you are so busy concentrating on what you think you’re entitled to, that you lose the bigger picture.

And ultimately the reason that we’re no longer staying married to our partner is that there’s a lack of happiness. Either they’re not happy, or you’re not satisfied. So people go their own way. Still, what we’re trying to achieve all around is happiness. So what does this mean? I want you to fully comprehend what I’m about to tell you right now. You can work really, really hard for your money.

Let’s imagine hours for dollars. So you had a job. Let’s assume that you live in a country that is really hot and you are working on a road crew. So you are shovelling some mint or concrete on the road. Imagine the road is 40 degrees Celsius. 

40 degrees Celsius is very, very hot, extremely hot, and you are out there in the heat, shovelling concrete, or cement to make a road. That person in that role works damn hard for their money. Very, very hard for their money. And then you can have a person on the other hand that sits in an air-conditioned office, sits on a chair, works on a computer.

Now, when we compare the two. The person working on the road crew by far is doing so much harder than the person sitting in the air-conditioned office. Would we agree? So why is it that the person that’s sitting in the office in most cases would get paid more than the person working on the road crew?

So when we look at those two scenarios, can you see that working time for money has nothing to do with how hard you work? You could work so hard that you’ve got blisters on your fingers and your feet. You may pass out because you’re working in the heat. So working hard does not get you any more money.

And the same is true for when you’re going through a divorce. You don’t deserve money because you’re getting divorced and you don’t make money because you’ve got divorced. What you do is you make money from being happy, and when you’re happy, you make better decisions. You’re more creative, more opportunity comes to you and therefore, more financial freedom.

I think about some clients that I have right now, they’ve probably strived to fight for a fair share of the meritable pool, primarily because they feel they don’t earn as much as their partner. So, therefore, their partner can go out and continue to live a good standard of living. Now, this is true, men usually earn a higher income, and the woman is a lower income earner. And it’s because that’s how society is. You know, the women bring up the children in many cases. They, therefore, couldn’t have the career progression that the men have had.

So, therefore, the men have been able to be promoted, have been up-skilled and thus earn more money. And when we go through divorces, the women feel that they’re entitled to a more significant proportion of the pool. And legally they are, especially here in Australia. They are entitled to more because of what they give up to allow their partner to earn a better living.

But when I talk to people that want to take more than they are entitled to, because they think they deserve it, that’s when everything goes wrong. 

My friends, this is a tip, okay? If you think you’re entitled to more than you indeed are and you’re striving to make it happen at all costs. You pretty much need to start a war, and you’re sending legal letters back and forth. You’re doing everything you possibly can to try and be vindictive and make your partner, his or her life fall apart. You become a mirror of those actions. And there’s a saying, what I wish for my, for my partner, I want to doubly for myself. So think about it. If you wish them harm, you were getting that back twofold to yourself. But when people act fair and reasonable, and they make excellent decisions, opportunity arise.

So those clients that I was talking about coming back full loop a little while ago, they thought that they were entitled to a little bit more because they weren’t as higher-income earners as their partners. What I’ve witnessed is when they got their divorce, they were okay with their financial agreement.

Things have happened in their life that they didn’t expect. One client, for instance, she was working part-time. After we’d done a budget and worked out what was going to happen for her from a leading perspective, she got offered a full-time job with someone else. Someone that she’d previously worked for. Money just came into her life.

Another client felt the same way. Once she’d got rid of all the hatred and stress in her life, her boss noticed a change. Her boss realized that she had far more potential because she wasn’t dealing with all the stress and anguish of her home life. She got promoted. Money just came to her because she was happy. And I could go on and on with these stories. 

But this is what I’ve witnessed. If you fight for what you’re not entitled to, you will lose the money overall. And I have this unwritten law in my business that for every dollar we spend, we want to get a three to $5 return. So for instance, if we need to send a legal letter or we need to go down a particular path, what is the return we are going to get for every dollar we spend to go down that path? 

So if we’re going to spend $10,000, and please let me explain that we haven’t done this. We haven’t needed to do it because I stand for everything different to what is out there in society.

But let’s say we were to spend $10,000 going to court or pushing forward with some form of legal proceedings. We would want to get or know that there was a guaranteed 30 to $50,000, sitting in the pool that we are going to get back. 

And so many people, so many people will spend $10,000 just to get 10,000 or just to get $15,000 or just to get $20,000.

It doesn’t make sense to me because what they’re not weighing up is all of the associated costs. The overwhelm, the stress, the hatred, the detrimental effects that it has on the children. The impact it has on their job, their life, their happiness. Why would you do it? 

Why would you start something that you never, or you don’t know, you are going to get a specific outcome from? Why wouldn’t you negotiate and come to an agreement that allowed you to move on?

And when you’re happy opportunity comes to you. Money comes from happiness. When you’re happy, you might meet the love of your life, the new love of your life. They might teach you something, and that skill allows you to earn money somewhere else. 

We have a conscious, a soul, we have this thing inside our body or our bag of skin that we walk around in and that consciousness allows us to think. We are the thinker of our thoughts. And when we think clear because we’re happy, we come up with other alternatives. We might have great ideas that can bring us money and can be a vehicle to happiness. But when you’re living in the dredges, and you just want to fight and be vindictive and nasty, what you wish for someone else you get back. It’s an unwritten rule, I’ve watched it, I’ve witnessed it. I’ve seen clients who’ve come to me after spending a fortune, thinking that they were going to get an outcome and have money from their divorce. They not only have lost money, but they were so unhappy and regretful of their actions. But by then, it was too late, and they couldn’t take it back.

So don’t be one of those people. And when I tell you that money comes from happiness, just believe me. If there’s one thing you can believe, believe that. Money comes from happiness because when you’re happy, It’s like something is feeding you information—this opportunity, this heartfelt life that is so valuable that you would give anything for. You would wish it for everyone around you.

Money doesn’t come from divorce. Money comes from happiness. Okay. My darling friends. Thank you for listening. And just remember. Happiness is something you can strive for. You don’t need to be there right now, but it can be the goal that you’re seeking to achieve one step at a time. But just because everything might be dark today, there’s got to be a glimpse of gratitude or happiness.

You can find in whatever it is you’re dealing with. Right now. Look around, look up to the sun, see the birds chirping. You’ve heard me talk before about, I love the smell of freshly cut grass. Someone may have been kind to you in the shopping centre, or they’ll let you in, in while you were driving your car, something has happened that you can be grateful for.

And every day, just a little bit of gratitude would lead you to a lot of happiness. You’ve just got to start somewhere. Be grateful for the thought that you’re making changes in your life towards whatever happiness looks like for you in the long run. And you’ll get there. I promise you, you get there, but every marathon starts with a step, so let’s get going.

Okay. I’m off. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.

 

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