In today’s episode, we will discuss the Restore Me program’s third pillar: reclaim you. Despite thinking that our anguish, fear, uncertainty, or any negative feeling we are having is someone else’s responsibility, it is not. 

In this episode, I will demonstrate to you that you have the power to change any negative emotion. I will explain to you how to become bulletproof to any negativeness you receive from anyone. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

The false belief that we can’t change our fate [00:03:00] 

Our thoughts vibrate [00:06:00] 

We mirror what we feel [00:09:00] 

The stories we tell ourselves [00:12:00]

We don’t need to be that person that feels exhausted [00:15:00] 

The importance of changing the context of our lives [00:18:00]

Links

 

Restore Me – Waiting List

https://www.tanyasomerton.com/RMWaitList

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription

 

Hey there. And welcome back to the divorce angel podcast. My name’s Tanya Somerton; I am the divorce angel. My job is to help people seamlessly part ways. And it’s something that I’m really passionate about. If you are new to the podcast, it might be a great idea to go back and start listening from the start, where we go through the fundamentals of what it requires to have a successful divorce.

And we answer the questions early on to actually. Help you save money, put all of your paperwork requirements together, understand what needs to get done as effortless as possible. And last week, I actually said something that many people might find a little bit confronting, but this is the truth.

Divorce is easy, and that’s true.

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If you use my system, divorce is easy. Life is hard. Actually, the part that we go through and when we put together the processes and procedures is not that difficult, but what is complicated or what can make it difficult is our human emotions when things get out of hand.

We’re employing people that are causing us to get a little bit anxious or even become vindictive. And they’re the things that really make it harder. But if you do it in its simplest form, the format of getting divorced doesn’t have to be hard. 

So I wanted to talk today about reclaiming your life. Now, many people have this belief that I’ve made this move and the rest will just happen. It will be what it will be. And there’s nothing really I can do about it. I just need to accept it. You could feel exhausted, feel unsafe and have moments of anger. Now, these are the beliefs, what I’ve called, the struggling separated. And I know who the struggling separated are because I was one of them for some time.

I was so confused. I had no direction, and I was in this concrete mixer of lawyers, financial advisors, accountants, my own emotions, other people’s comments, my own self-belief or lack of belief. 

You’ve heard me talk about the difference between the content and the context of your life.

So the content of my life is the people who I work with, my friends and family. Everyone throwing everything into the concrete mixer, and it just being turned around and around. 

I was seriously struggling. I did not know what my direction look like and how to reclaim my future.

I first needed to let go of my past. And that was really difficult because I didn’t realize I had the power. And there is the truth. You can accept what has happened to you or what your future may be. Or you can try and deny it. You can be one of those people that never gets over it.

Who wants to be vindictive and nasty, whether they be a man-hater or a woman-hater, are the people that haven’t actually addressed their own issues. 

And it’s sad to say because it’s easy to do when you have the tools, but it’s also easy for me to say because I’ve been through it.

Now I live the way that I want to live because I’ve learned from the past mistakes. And I didn’t want to be one of those people that always talked negatively about my children’s father. I didn’t want to talk about all of the bad things that happened because it brings you down when you continually talk about those things, and I’d had enough of feeling like I was nothing invisible.

I was sick of feeling frightened, isolated, unorganized, exhausted, helpless. I was sick of feeling lost. So having been there myself makes perfect sense to think my world is turned upside down, and I just have to accept it. But here’s the thing we all have free will, and we all must have the ability to let go.

We just have to let go. If we hold onto the things that have kept us angry, unhappy, or sad, they are the emotions we have pumping through our blood. They’re the thoughts that we have going through our mind all of the time. And we’ve spoken about this before. But our thoughts have vibration. And when our thoughts have a vibration, we stay in that energy.

So when we continue to have these perpetual negative thoughts, that’s where we remain. And whilst it’s easy to say, some people need to go and see professionals for that very reason. You know, sometimes it can be it without a data chemical imbalance or a real deep depression. And if this is you, you must go and see your GP.

You must go and get help. 

It’s not just the sadness of what we’ve been or what we’re going through for many people. You need to believe that it’s possible. You must know that you deserve to be happy, but living in blame or anger is not the answer because you just reflect those emotions on the inside.

In other words, if you are angry at your partner, there is no doubt, and I want you to be honest, that you’re probably mad at yourself. And talking with a client this morning, she has a real lack of trust in her partner. When I spoke to her, I said we have evidence that he lies because he’s done quite a few tricky things, and she’s got proof of this deception, but I asked her, are you actually worried about the trust that you have for him? Or are you more concerned about the lack of confidence that you have for yourself? Because we mirror what we feel. So she feels like she can’t trust him. And she has evidence that she can’t trust him. But the real truth is she can’t trust herself. She’s lost trust in her own ability to now make decisions because she chose this person to be her husband.

She’s lived with him for many, many years. And if she trusted herself, She believed in herself, then she’s got to be second-guessing. Hang on a minute. Look at the situation that I’m in right now. It’s a mess. And I’m in this mess because of a choice that I made. So I really can’t trust my own choices and decisions anymore.

So once she got to that underlying thought or belief that she had. Then it was easy because all of a sudden, once she’d come to that realization, we can now work on that. But she was blaming him where she already knows who he is, and she’s got evidence of his, his mistrust, but she never realized that she was feeling that way, a better herself.

And this is the same. When we are talking about our partner. If you talk about your partner in a vindictive way, that is aggressive, that is angry in nearly every case. It is because you feel the same way about yourself. When you get to the stage where you can talk about your partner in a loving way or a way of forgiveness, you’ve started to do those things to yourself.

And that’s where the power is. So it’s time to look at all of your real stories. And when we talk about stories, it’s what you were brought up to believe. And in a lot of cases, we were told marriage is forever. And if we don’t succeed at marriage, we must be a failure, and life will never be the same after we’ve been divorced. Some people even think I’m too old to start again, and I’ve heard them all. They can go on and on, but most of the time, whatever our belief is, it’s usually a story that we’ve picked up either from our parents or some family member or something that we’ve heard elsewhere.

And it’s what we believe. But the truth of the matter is. It’s merely a story. And if we wanted to change that story, we could do it with a click of a finger if we wanted to change the story, but some of us don’t want to change it. Some of us want to believe it because then we can stay in that. Everyone feels sorry for us.

Or look at poor Joe or look at poor Mary, look at where they are. It’s unfortunate how their partner did what they did to them. And you can stay that way if you want to. But I was also in that position; people said to me, I can’t believe that you’ve just forgiven and got over it. It took me a little while, but it took me time to learn the skills.

It took me a while to get the tools to be able to do that. And now I’ve never looked back, and I use those same tools and skills every day of my life. What I accept to believe or what I assume to hurt or not to hurt me. That’s my choice. I get to choose what that is. And that is where the power is because right now, you have the option you can choose to let your ex-partner upset you, to make you angry, to make you feel worthless or whatever it is.

You have a choice, and that choice is yours. But so many people say, mom, my ex said this about me, which caused me to feel. Blah, blah blah. That blah, blah, blah, is that person’s choice to feel that way their ex has not made them feel that way. Yes. If said the words or they’ve done the actions, but if it doesn’t affect you, then that’s up to you.

That’s your choice. But when you believe in yourself, you become a conscientious seeker. You’re looking for the best in everyone. You’re looking for the best in yourself. You can shift your beliefs, but every day you are being who you want to be. Because when we want to reclaim ourselves, this is what has to happen.

Firstly, we need to believe that we are worthy of it. That’s the start of it. Then once we think that we deserve it, we start to believe that it is possible. And once it’s possible, We then put a plan to achieve that belief. And then we put action steps, little steps every day in place to execute the plan.

And then all we need to do. We just leave the plane with being the being who believes that we can do or have whatever it is that we want. We don’t need to be that person that feels exhausted. We don’t need to be the person that feels uncertain or angry. We then stop being the struggling separated, and we start to be what I call a life lover. The person that feels fulfilled is joyful, confident, and beaming from the inside out. 

It’s time to reclaim you because when you discover that it’s not your ex’s fault, that a lot of the time it was you, because when you decide that it was up to you and you take that responsibility, what happens is happiness is just around the corner.

The reason is, is because you understand it’s in your hands. No one else’s, it’s up to you—no one else. If someone says something to you, it’s up to you how you respond, and you start to feel bulletproof. You become that conscientious seeker, and you’re only, you’re looking for the love, not the hate, the happiness, not the sadness.

The hope, not the despair and reclaiming you, is no one’s responsibility but yours. 

So that’s why I put together the restore me program. If you’ve listened to the last two podcasts, you will have heard me talk about the importance of rewriting your stories. Why it’s so important to reconnect. And then today, we’re talking about reclaiming because it’s all of these three pillars that it takes to put your life back together.

So the Restore Me program is a five-week program that takes the struggling separated to become life lovers. It’s a comprehensive and transformational program in its simplicity. And I’m pretty that it works. I leave him brief this formula each and every day. And I can tell you, it is improbable that anyone can ever really get under my skin because I now know it’s up to me.

It’s my choice where there’s someone who can say something to upset me or not. I feel I’ve said it before. I feel Bulletproof because it’s my choice as to what, how, and when I respond to someone and what I say to them. And in my marriage, wow. I can’t even tell you the level of respect that both my husband and I have for each other because we have boundaries. I never had before, and I could have blamed my ex-husband for why I felt the way I did, but let’s be honest, I never fully let him understand, or I never really let him know what it was I wanted or how I wanted it. Because I didn’t know myself. And that’s why the numbers are so staggering with divorce. You do not want to be one of those people that makes the mistakes second or third time around. But if you don’t change your context next, which is your thoughts, your beliefs, your stories.

And if you just change your content, which is the person you’re married to, or the house you live in. You will only make the same mistakes over and over again. It’s so essential to change your context. And that’s what reclaim me is all about. So it’s going to start in a few weeks, and we’ve got a, um, a waiting list.

I’d love you to put your name down. So you’ll be one of the first to find out all of the details for when it goes live. And in our show notes, we will put a link to the waiting list. So you can get on there and find out as soon as we go live. The clients who have already been through the program have had massive shifts and each, and everyone has made just a big enough difference in their life to know that anything is possible when they implement the tools.

And I want that for you as well. So thank you for listening, and I really look forward to talking to you again very soon. Bye for now. 

 

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