This week I would like to share with you the story of a couple that made a tough decision during these rough times. The announcement of the pandemic hit in the middle of their divorce process, forcing them to figure out a different way to face the lockdown. Having their 7-year-old son in mind, they looked at the bigger picture before deciding how to deal with their divorce. Join me in today’s episode and listen to this inspiring story of different thinking during the lockdown.  

Let’s get into it

The story of “Jill” and “Robert” [00:01:30]

The procedure during lockdown that decided they fate [00:02:40]

A previous arrangement that helped in their decision [00:03:40] 

How are they dealing with the new scenario? [00:04:49]

Looking at the bigger picture [00:06:00]

Links

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

0:00  

Hey there, and welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m excited about what I’m going to share with you today. It comes from doing a divorce roadmap with a client. Last week I spoke here about the fact that we would see the best and the worst of people at this time, given what we’re going through as a society, not only here in Australia, but all over the world. But this week, I wanted to talk about a couple who have thought differently. They’ve thought about their child, and they’ve put him first. Let’s call her Jill, and let’s call him Robert. 

1:30  

Jill and Robert have been together or married for 10 years, and they’ve got a seven-year-old son. They separated four months ago. He moved out and he was renting in another property, but together, they are really good parents. And they care about their son.

They’ve been sharing him 50/50 and going about their day to day lives. She goes off to work and does what she needs to do. During the week picks him up from school and looks after him, like every good mother should do. The husband, Robert, would then be doing what he needed to do. They had joint goals and aspirations for how they wanted to bring their son up. When all of this has occurred with the Coronavirus, they’ve both been petrified. 

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Divorce is hard enough. We know that it is scary. We’re fearful. We’re worried about what the future looks like. But for them, the greater fear was, what happens if the government puts us into lockdown? What’s going to happen? 

2:44  

So over the last few weeks, there’s been some conflicting messages around parenting orders, and what does that mean if we go into lockdown. And the court has come out and said that, if you do have a parenting agreement, you should probably abide by it unless someone is infected, meaning the child and they have to be isolated. 

Or if your partner is ill, and therefore, the child has to stay with you, make sure that they don’t get sick because we’ve got to put their needs above everything else. 

These guys have thought, what happens if we lose our jobs? What happens if we go into lockdown? So they sat there and tried to mitigate those risks, and how they would plan for the future. What they decided to do was to move back in together into their family home. 

3:37  

So Robert got out of his lease in his rental property, and he would move back in together into their family home. From there, they did what is known as rules of engagement. They worked out a plan to live in the house together, yet staying separated. They would remain in their rooms, they would do their things, and they would still look after their son 50/50. 

He converted the garage into the main shed, she would have the lounge room, they both had their bedrooms, and they would share the kitchen, and they would go about their normal day to day activities with their son. 

They’ve been doing this now for just over two weeks. And I said to her, how are you guys going? How are you coping with this? And she said, well, whilst it’s been a little bit difficult, we have certainly put our needs aside, and we are happy with what we’ve done because it does look like this isn’t going away in the short term. This isn’t gonna be finished in two or three weeks, this could be six months. 

4:49  

So they’re proceeding with this divorce, and they’re getting all the paperwork together. Yet, they are living under the same roof with their son and doing what needs to be done. To continue to survive. If either one of them loses their job, they know that the other one in the short term will be able to help them out. And they also know that their son will be looked after and loved. 

I said to her, how’s your son coping with this? And she replied that he simply loves it. He’s got both parents under the same roof. Yeah, he gets to go back and forth if he wants. But just like they were doing with their 50/50 arrangement. If the father has the son on a Tuesday, he would organize activities within the house that he would do with the son. So whether that be a jigsaw puzzle, whether that be something that they’re doing out in the garage, it is his responsibility to look after the son during that time. Then what would happen when it was Jill’s turn? The same thing would occur. It would be her responsibility to find something to keep him amused or to teach him, or whether it’s homeschooling, it is her job to continue to do that on those days that were hers.  

5:56  

As you can see, this couple has thought differently. And whilst she said it hasn’t been easy, it’s still been able to work together because they’ve had a bigger picture. 

I don’t know what COVID-19 has done to you or your family. I don’t know if you’re in a similar situation. But I just wanted to share this quick story with you. So you could see what other couples are doing to get through this rough time together. Because let’s be honest, there’s a bigger picture here. And these guys have certainly looked at it, and they’ve weighed up the pros and cons, and they’ve been able to work together for what’s right for their son. 

This has been a quick podcast today. Hopefully, you may have taken a little bit out of it to help you deal with what you guys are going through right now. Okay, that’s it for me bye for now.

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