Getting out of the comfort zone is scary. We can’t control what is happening, and we don’t know what to expect. However, to be afraid is as understandable as necessary if we want to create change in our lives. If we decide to stay in the security of our safe spot, the prize we will pay is too high. It is a cost that someone going through a divorce can’t afford to pay. That is why we need to embrace the fear of defying our limits and push our boundaries daily. Then one day, we will discover that waking up being scared is a powerful thing. 

Let’s get into it:

Timestamps

We usually speak in three different ways [00:01:00]

Communication and interpretation [00:03:00]

What is your biggest fear? [00:06:00]

Stepping out of the comfort zone [00:07:30]

Creating a ripple effect [00:09:00]

Escaping normality [00:12:00]

Links

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

Hey, my darling network. How are you all today? I hope everyone is well, especially in this current environment that we’re living. It’s essential to me, if you ever talk about something from a position of knowledge, it is necessary to understand what it is that someone’s going through.

And I’ve learned this from working in the environment that I do because there’s no doubt there are two sides of a story. And the truth fits typically somewhere in the middle. When we are telling someone something can shade, what we are actually thinking. What I mean by that is when we talk, we usually speak in three different ways. We speak in generalizations, deletions, or distortions.

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If you consider each of those, we’re not describing facts from the position of what happened. 

I’ve previously spoken about the story of this man, many years ago, that rode through the middle of town, wearing a hat.

Everyone on the right side of the road thought that he had a black hat on, and everyone on the left side swore that he was wearing a white hat. The problem was both sides were right because he had a multicoloured hat. But what it did is it caused a massive problem. The people of that town were saying, no, no, you’re wrong. That wasn’t what happened. He had a white hat on and then the people on the other side of the road saying, no, you are wrong. He had a black hat. This is what occurs when we talk about interpretations. 

Sometimes we see something that is true, but the person on the other side of the road can see something that is true as well. And both things are entirely different. 

When I was working at the airport I was in charge of parking infringement notices, please don’t hold this against me. I would have to go to the local magistrate’s court and have to enforce people paying outstanding fines. 

The airport came under the federal airport’s act. So we as an airport had no say on it, it was the job of the federal government to keep the airport secure and make sure the environment was protected. So, you know, people might park for 20 minutes. The airport authorities were worried that people were either touting or looking at what was going on around. Or that people were trying to get inside of Intel, whatever the case might be.

So a lot of people thought that they were being fined simply for staying longer than needed, but there was a bigger picture. And when I look at interpretations, I felt like I was doing well. 

I knew I was doing what I had to do. I had been informed of the dangers and possible threats that travellers weren’t aware of. If we are honest, we will see that people don’t care about what’s happening from a security perspective, everyone’s in their own little bubble. They worry about what’s going on for them, and what they’re interpreting the situation to be. So what happens is they just see that they are getting fined because of staying five minutes longer than they should have. People would say, “that’s not fair. My family member hasn’t come out” or “the plane’s been delayed. How is that my fault?”

And if I move this into someone going through a divorce, similar things are happening. Both sides of the situation have their own interpretations, their personal stories around why they feel the way they do.

They’ve got their own stories around how the other person is treating them. And then, they’ve got the environment that they live in, which is adding to the whole perplexing situation. 

The reason I want to talk about this is that I was interviewed last week on a show called fearless.

And the question was, what am I most afraid of? And I can tell you I’m happy to share and be vulnerable with you guys because you if I’m not vulnerable with you, you won’t be vulnerable with me. And that’s how we’re going to change the world. We need to be the people that stand up that make the right decisions.

And that we go out there and we share our love. And when you’re vulnerable with me, it means I can be vulnerable with you and the world will be a better place. 

He said to me, what am I most fearful of? And I said to him, I’m afraid of not living up to my full potential. And it’s true. I’ve got this fear of not trying harder to make the lives of those who are getting divorced easier. I want to do is simplify those lives because if we can simplify them, it won’t be perplexing, it won’t be complicated. And when things are simple, we can move through the steps a lot quicker and easier.

And when we do that it’s not too expensive and we can move on happily. 

So when I was being interviewed, he said, well, how do you know that you’re living up to your full potential? And this is where you guys might be able to relate. If when I wake up, I don’t feel sick in the stomach, like if I have butterflies or feeling like something is out of balance, I know that I will not have a good day. That might sound a little bit contradictory because here I am saying that I want to wake up with the feelings of being a little bit sick in the stomach, a bit worried. And maybe worry is not the right word, but the reason I want to wake up that way is that I know when I wake up that day, I am stepping outside of my comfort zone.

And when I step outside of my comfort zone, that’s when amazing stuff happens. So if I wake up and I feel okay, it’s just going to be another day. It means I’m going to be average that day, and I don’t want to be average. I want to help as many people as possible. And to do that, I must be living up to my full potential. I must be waking up sick, and I must be doing something every single day.

That is pushing me outside of my comfort zone. Cause otherwise it’s just going to be another average day, and I don’t want to have them anymore. I want to have a fantastic day, and I want you to have a fantastic day. 

So, if I’m pushed myself outside of my comfort zone, if I do something that doesn’t feel natural or normal to me, it means that I grow as a person. It means I can bring you along on that journey with me.

And when you come on that journey with me, it’s going to help you have a happier life because I’m leading by example. And I’m showing you that if I can do it, and I’m just Tanya Somerton, If I can do it, you can do it. And if you can do it, you can help someone else do it. And if you help someone else do it, they’ll also help someone else.

And your kids are happy because you’re happy. Can you see what’s happening? It’s having a ripple effect. It’s a stone in the ocean, and it’s just rippling through. 

So, if I don’t feel in my gut that something is going to push me out of my comfort zone, I know that I will not do something extraordinary that day.

And what I want you to understand that it’s right now, if you are scared, if you are fearful of what’s about to happen, think about what I just said. If you do nothing, if you continue to stay where you are, nothing’s going to change. And if nothing changes,

what are you prepared to pay for that? Because there has to be a reward. Are you getting the compensation of not doing anything? The reward is that you’re not having to address whatever pain it is that you’re feeling, that you don’t have to resolve your financial situation? That you don’t have to address the conflict? Those are all the things that many of us don’t want to have any confrontation about.

But the more significant issue is, if you don’t do something, you could be in the same situation for another year, another two years. And how much is that going to cost you? 

If you want to have an extraordinary life, if you’re going to be happy, you have to be fearful. It is okay to be afraid because that’s, what’s going to get you moving. It’s what’s going to get you thinking about what you need to do. It’s going to get you to where you need to go. And you will have heard me say before a marathon is one by one step at a time.

I am, without a doubt, fearful here every day. Every day, my friends. So don’t think that by ignoring the pain, it’s going to go away. What I want you to do is to appreciate the pain. I want you to wake up every morning and be excited about feeling uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that you don’t want to get out of bed, but you do it anyway because it’s then that you are going to do amazing things.

You are going to make decisions that you wouldn’t have done if you were waking up and feeling ordinary. Because when you’re feeling normal, you’re not going to do anything to change that feeling, that momentum. Our life is full of energy, and when we fear a little bit outside of our comfort zone, we’re pushing the boundaries. We’re pushing the glass ceiling, and once we break the glass ceiling, we get to where we need to go.

So if every morning waking up, we are fearful, and we love and enjoy that feeling. If we get used to it, can you imagine the world we would live in, the life that we would have, the changes that would be made? And that’s what I want from you. So that’s it for today.

I’m going to go to bed tonight, and I’m going to contemplate what is gonna scare the shit out of me when I wake up tomorrow. And I want you to do the same thing. Okay. My darling friends, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.

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