Sometimes we feel cornered by our problems, and we cannot see a way out. Or maybe reality overwhelms us and every decision we make leads to a deeper and darker place. We know we need to change something, yet we don’t know what we need to do to create change in our lives.

In this episode, we unravel the most effective method to create change in our lives and take the first steps to a new life.

Let’s get into it:

Timestamps

You can never solve a problem at the level it was created. [00:01:00] 

There’s no point on sitting there and thinking that we don’t have all the answers. [00:02:40] 

When you decide to create change in your life, what is it that you want to change? [00:03:40] 

Our beliefs might be holding us back from creating change in our lives. [00:05:00] 

We need to unlearn who we are. [00:07:30]

Being grateful for our experiences. [00:09:00]

Being around the right people. [00:11:30]

Learn new things constantly. [00:13:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for joining me again at the divorce Angel podcast. I love doing these episodes. I love sharing my information with all of you guys. And I hope there’s something that you pick up from every episode. 

1:04  

Or even if just one person listens and it makes a difference to their day or how they make a decision, then it’s been worth the effort for me to put these together. Today I wanted to have a chat about a question that I got asked by a client, what do I need to do to create change in my life? And it’s a simple answer. The answer is you need to be a different person. Because this is the truth of the matter. To create change, you need to be a different person. You cannot do what you want. You can only do what you are. And you have to change the way you are to create change in your life. 

Getting straight into the nuts and bolts of this, Albert Einstein once said, you can never solve a problem at the level it was created. 

2:00  

In other words, you fridge to glass ceiling, the top of your skillset.

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If you want to create something different in your life, you have to become a different person. And to become a different person, you need to learn new things. Or you need to have someone that is guiding you, or you need to learn from a mentor, or just have someone who can lead you or teach you something that you do not know yet. Because you can’t ask a question if you don’t know there’s a problem. 

Hopefully, that makes sense. But think about it. How can you ask a question if you don’t know there’s a problem? 

2:43  

And my mentor says that we know nothing. We know absolutely nothing. Because the problem is the smarter you get, the more questions you have. 

There’s no point on sitting there and thinking or worrying that we don’t have all the answers, all we need to do is worry about, worry is not even the right word. We don’t need to worry about anything because everything will always be all right. But what we do need to do is concern ourselves with getting the information that we need, to become that person that we need to be. People can’t fix the issues that they are not aware they have. People do not look for solutions to problems they don’t even know that they have. 

3:43  

When you decide to create change in your life, what is it that you want to change? People can go out and highlight what they want, and they can have dreams and aspirations. But if your subconscious values won’t allow it, well, how do you think you’re going to become that person to create change in your life? And once again, you do what you are. Let’s talk about that. What does that mean? Just think back to when you were a child. And think back to how you grew up.

4:27  

Are you a Catholic? Are you a Muslim? Are you an atheist? How we brought up? What was it that happened in your household to make you believe what you believe? Do you vote for a certain political party because that’s what your parents told you so? Or here in Australia, it might be a certain football club. How many people support the same football club that their father, or their mother, or their grandparents supported? Even just imagine driving a car. 

5:03  

So many people have a different opinion on whether a Ford is better than a Holden, a Mercedes is better than a BMW. Apple is better than Microsoft. Everywhere we go in our life, we have got some sort of belief. And let’s be honest, is that belief true? No, you can’t tell me. Especially Apple, people talk about it all the time. They are so much more expensive than Microsoft but have a better computer, and a lot of people tend to say they’re not. But there are other things about Apple that make people want to buy their product. And that’s a belief that people have, it might be true, it might be false, but it’s a belief. To create change in your life, if you’ve got a belief about something, that might not be getting you where you need to go. It’s what’s holding you back. And to change beliefs can be very difficult. 

6:13  

So what I have learned recently, is to not have any beliefs. I ask myself all the time, is this true? 

Scientists say that we regenerate cells every day. And after about seven months, we’ve pretty much a new person. And I was thinking about this. And I was just contemplating how much if I thought about it, I have changed every seven months. If I think about how much I’ve grown and evolved over the years, it’s stunning.

I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to be more knowledgeable. I’m trying to give back. I’m trying to help. I’m trying to be a bit of a wife and mother and all of those things. And some days I’m sure I fail at it. 

7:04  

But every seven months, if I think about it, I’ve changed who I have been, trying to grow and evolve, and become better. So the question, how to create change in your life? You need to be a different person. 

What is it that’s not working for you? And you need to be honest with yourself whether it is habits, interpretations, or beliefs that are holding you back? Because this is your time to change your life. It’s time to start something new. And if I think about it, I never thought I would be the person I am today. Am I happy with that person? Yes, could I be better? Probably quite a lot. I still try hard every day, but change cannot happen overnight. And this is what I want to get across to you. You need to unlearn who you are. 

8:09  

I spoke about this last week when I talked about a client. In her relationship, she has been told that she’s not good enough, that she’s not smart enough. And because of that, she’s been indoctrinated to think those things. She needs to change who she is. And it can’t just happen overnight. She’s got to start to rebuild and start to learn new things and to unlearn things that have caused her to have habits. She’s got habits that she does over and over, and that has become part of her. Because that’s her nature now. She needs to stop all that. And she’s got to become someone new. And she’s got to be the person that she wants to be in the future. But to be that person, first, she has to highlight what’s not working in her life right now. And then she creates that change. So if she wants to be someone that has positive energy, she’s got to stop the negative talk. She’s got to stop saying things about he is this he is that, and take responsibility. Because when you blame other people for your situation, you get nowhere. And once I saw something truly amazing, where I witnessed a person who had been in a very, very violent relationship, and she explained how she was grateful for what happened to her, and I said dumbfounded, how could she be grateful for going through what she went through? She said, If she hadn’t gone through that experience, she would not be the person she is today. 

10:07  

And she said, being the person I am today has brought not only my joy, but I’ve been able to help a lot of other people in society. And that’s the key to it. The key is to create change in your life. You cannot have a different life by staying the person you are today. So if you’re not happy with who you are, and you want to create massive change in your life, you need to look at the people that are who you want to be and ask yourself, what is it that they are doing and what can you replicate? What can you do to introduce some of their habits into your life? And you may or may not have already realized this, but that’s how Five Steps To a Seamless Divorce came about. It was when people were not asking the correct questions. They were not putting the jigsaw puzzle pieces together, that was costing them money, costing them time, and causing them anguish. So I was getting them past that glass ceiling. I was getting them to break through and be the person that they needed to be. 

Yesterday, I was coaching a client on having a conversation with a lawyer, and I gave her the tips sit up straight: “Look them straight in the eye and make sure you’ve got a list of all the questions that you need to ask. 

11:40  

Make sure in whatever area that you are trying to excel in, that you have someone that can help you, someone that can take you through that glass ceiling.

If you think about it when you first got your driver’s license, how did you get into that car? You were nervous. The first time you didn’t know what to do, you needed someone to set you straight and tell you, from their experience and from what they knew, how to do it better. 

12:31  

Most of us, we can drive without even thinking about it, it’s just natural, as the subconscious mind takes over and we don’t have to think about it. And that’s what you need to do. When you want to create change in your life. You need to get through that glass ceiling and make sure that you are different, or becoming a different person because the person you are today, will not get you to where you need to go. 

If you don’t go and learn new things, and if you don’t read books on educating yourself, if you continue to do the things over and over again that you’re doing right now, you will stay the same person. 

If you’re okay with that, there’s nothing wrong with it. But answering the question from the client, what do I need to do to create change in my life? The answer is simple. You need to become a different person. 

Hopefully, this helped, and you’ve taken some nuggets away. I hope you have a great week, and I’ll talk to you next week.

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