Some years ago after my marriage break up and l was working at the airport, l realised it was time to start dating again, but l really didn’t want to go out to sleazy bars to meet the ‘man of my dreams’. For me, it wasn’t as easy as getting onto a dating website because l worked with some nasty individuals, who, if they had the chance would hurt me…and l am not kidding!
At the time the AFP had a risk assessment against me and my current situation, l had certain procedures l HAD to follow, in which to protect my safety. One of those conditions was NO social media because the individuals in question, could find out personal details and where l lived. As l was a single woman, l was always aware of my safety and those around me.
So what is a woman in my position to do??
I went to my AFP liaison officer and explained my situation, l felt ready to get back into the game. It turned out which he explained that the AFP had recently done some work on internet dating websites, the person who use them and the ones which were legit and how best to get a positive outcome. So at this time the data had just come back, to say EHarmony had the best conversion rates and algorithms to match people’s criteria and a safe and secure platform.
The thing that was very important to the police at the time, was how my profile was written and the limited information l published for my safety, so they helped me write it up.
Using the information, they had recently collected on successful matchups and how to make a profile stand out and improve what they called conversion rates l learnt the following tips:
- Make sure you talk about the things you want in a man that are achievable…let’s be honest our imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend is just that, he/she is not real.
- Don’t whinge or complain about previous relationships, in any form.
- Be truthful but don’t give too much away. As they say less is best! And make them want to contact you, to learn about the real you. Be alluring!
- If you know the sort of partner you are looking for and the hobbies he would like, make sure to use photographs which show you doing those things or showing a side of adventure, eg; exploring or trying new things, which men like. The photographs with you looking like a supermodel are those that other women will look at and admire but men who are looking for a lifelong partner, see something different. This is the biggest mistake we women make with internet dating. My male protectors told me, males are turned off by being fully made up, makes you look like hard work and that you are self-important. You don’t want to look like someone that takes all day to get ready and the BIGGEST thing, you want to look like someone they will want to take home to meet their mum’s. We used photographs of me at the Grand prix and another holding up the president’s cup, (which is a golfing tournament). Now to be honest, l liked both of these events but not as much as a man would. I thought l had much better photographs but l was told they would attract the sort of man l was after. What did these photos say about me? Well, they were strategically chosen, they didn’t give to much away about the real me, yet showed that I like different sports. Now as we women know, men love their sport! BOOM.
Now if you are attracting the wrong men, take a look at the photographs you are displaying. If you are only getting losers or one night stands, what do your photos say about you? Are you holding alcohol and looking like a party girl, ask your self would you take me home to mum?
- Always use positive words and don’t make your profile fluffy. Blokes don’t get it! What men say is what they mean, they don’t think like we do. Be direct in your writing.
- Make sure when you start communicating that you actually communicate. Don’t just reply with one word answers, give a paragraph back. It lets them know you are interested in them and always ask questions. This then requires a reply and keeps the conversation going and note that this part of the internet dating process is just as important. It also shows you the sort of person you are communicating with and if they are worth your time and effort.
Now maybe l was lucky because not only did l have two police officers help me write my profile and pick my photos, they had also just spent twelve weeks investigating the dark side of internet dating and what not to do. They knew the way for me to get a response. Also, with age and experience the knowledge of what l wanted in a partner and to a bigger extent, what l didn’t want, was just as important. The younger ones out there, will still be learning this but it helps and is half the battle.
So, as you can gather, l am not one who follows conformity, so EHarmony has you go through different levels of matching and checklists before you can actually email each other. l knew straight away that the man on the other end of the keyboard was for me, the way he wrote and the words he used resonated with the person I was. I also knew that the longer it took for me to talk to him one on one the more women he would be also talking to and l needed to get rid of the competition. I therefore jumped all the different levels of internet dating and after three nights of communicating the EHarmony way, I started emailing him directly.
For me, my experience with internet dating was wonderful and the man at the end of the keyboard after only 3 days of communicating became my husband. Some might say l was just lucky but l like to think that the strategies the AFP taught me, minimalised what l would have added to my profile and certainly writing my profile from a male perspective helped. I encourage you to consider what you are looking for in a partner and note it down. This helps when doing your profile and helps with picking your photo… as they say in the corporate world, know your audience.
I also used internet dating as an experience and it was the start of me really stepping outside of my comfort zone. Given way to NOW, how I live my life and the rewards l now see, really knowing what you want makes all the difference. The man of your dreams will not come knocking on your front door, you need to take the reins of your life and control your future. If you’re on the internet and things aren’t working look at it differently. Don’t be desperate because it shines through, make it like you are a needle in a haystack, which you are! If you have been considering joining, don’t hesitate, give it a try, what have you got to loose other than a night out and best case, marrying a wonderful man.
About the author:
Tanya Somerton is the ‘Divorce Angel’, whose business is to facilitate a seamless and amicable divorce and separation with the aid of her ‘Army of Angels.’ Tanya provides a step by step process which limits cost and conflict that sees you achieving your most financially beneficial outcome possible, now and for the future.
Tanya is also the Director of TLC Investment Group, a finance and mortgage company. She helps her clients budget and plan, rather than wondering if you can keep the family home. If you need help and support in this area, contact firstname.lastname@example.org for help and advice.
She is also the author of ‘The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering independence through Divorce’. If you are looking to prevent any mistakes and save money this book is a must. Purchase your copy here