Knowing when to take off your wedding ring, can have different meanings to different people. Research has shown that there are no rules. Depending on how the relationship was going, how it ended, what had happened throughout the duration that you were together; all has a bearing on how you and when you will take off your wedding ring.

Some may take it off straight away while another may take months and months. How you come to terms with it will be in your own time. You need to do it when the time is right for you. In this podcast Tanya talks about the experiences she comes across and speaks of her own.

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Transcription

[00:00:00] Hey and welcome back to the Divorce Angel podcast. So this week I wanted to talk to you about something that’s quite personal and it’s something that a lot of people take a different amount of time to achieve and it’s when should I take off my wedding ring. Now to some people, this might sound ridiculous, like, “What a stupid question to even ask. You just take it off straight away.” For other people, it might take months and months to take off. For some people, they may never ever have actually even worn a wedding ring so it doesn’t mean anything for them. But the symbol of a ring can main different things to different people, and if you just think about the expense of a wedding ring or an engagement ring for a couple, that expense alone shows a commitment. So if you’ve struggled to pay for an engagement ring or a wedding ring, it could mean a lot more to you than [00:01:00] someone that has been given an expensive one and they can afford to buy it. I don’t really know because everyone’s experience has been quite different when I’ve tried to investigate this actual topic.

Then looking through a few websites trying to actually understand what does the symbol of a wedding ring mean, there are so many different explanations. I suppose the one that I continually see is that because a ring is round, it pretty much means that no matter what, it will survive because there’s no end to it. So you will always find a way of making things work and just the symbol or the shape of a circle will just symbolize like never-ending love is pretty much what they’re trying to explain.

The other thing about a ring though as well is that some people find it quite confiding. [00:02:00] What do I mean by that? In a lot of cases, not so much women, but you see that a lot of men don’t wear wedding rings. For instance, my husband doesn’t wear a wedding ring, but he’s reasons are quite relevant. He would lose it. He would get it damaged because of what he does for a job. So therefore, the point of wearing it, especially if you paid money for it, seems silly because he would just– It would fall of his finger and get lost so I could take it to mean one or two things. That actually that is what he means or, secondly that he doesn’t want people to know that he’s married and that second one, I truly don’t believe. But that is why some people don’t wear wedding rings. But most women always wear their rings and they do for many reasons. It can be a sign of a happy marriage. It can be a sign of affluence. It can be a sign [00:03:00] of that they are taken and that they don’t want anyone else to make a move on them. It could be a sense of security. It can be so many things.

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When I was investigating this, I did a lot of poles inside Facebook groups for separated people and just ask the questions of why and when did you take off your wedding ring. And the answers were just– Were vast. So some people already, when issues were starting to arise in their marriage, took it off even before they’d even separated. They just decided, “Look, I’m taking this off because if I take it off it shows my partner that they either need to lift their game or there’s nowhere else we can go with this and it’s pretty much over.” Other people said that once they’d had the conversation with their partner or their partner had said something to them, they took it off straight away because it symbolized that the relationship was over. Then other [00:04:00] people still wear them till today. They never took them off. And other people may have taken between one to three months to take them off. Across the board, everyone’s reasons for why they wear one and why they take it off are completely different.

In my own case, I remember I didn’t take my wedding ring off for probably three months after we’d separated. My reason was that we’d been together for 22 odd years and had three children. Until we had worked through everything else, I still wanted my children to think that we were a family. So for me, my wedding ring not only stood for me being married to their father, but it meant that we were all still a family. When I went to work, I didn’t want people to be asking me what was going on in my private life. “Why have you taken [00:05:00] off your wedding ring?” because I never did, like I wore it. Even when I was gardening or playing any sort of sport, swimming, did not matter. I had not taken that ring off since the day I’d married their father. So it just– I didn’t want to take it off.

The other thing for me was because I was dealing with something that was completely new to me, I wanted something to at least just a little bits stay the same, just one less thing for me to have to worry about at that particular moment in time. When I felt strong enough to then start to talk about that my marriage had failed and what was going on, and I felt like, “Okay. I’m now coming to terms with this. All on my own timeline, not on someone else’s.”  I then knew I was ready to take it off, but I did it for what felt good for me and you need to do the same thing. You [00:06:00] need to do what is right for you, not for anyone else, because I had other people say to me, “Are you going to change your name? You must be going to change your name back to your maiden name now.” Why would I do that? I was married to my ex-husband longer than I was the person I was born so that didn’t make sense. Plus, I was still the mother of my children so it– They’re the same sorts of things. You just have to do what’s right for you at that particular stage. It also comes back to how the marriage ended.

My research has also shown that, in a lot of cases, that if you didn’t think that it was going to come to an end and you were quite shocked by the ending of the relationship, that you still wear your wedding ring because you are probably living in hope that maybe things will get back together. So those people that were in that [00:07:00] category, in a lot of cases, continue to wear their wedding ring because they hoped that that symbol of what the wedding ring meant for them, that their partner might have a little bit of time away and come back and possibly they can work on things. So if there was any form of hope, they would continue to wear their ring. Other people just heard pretty much just decided, “No, this is over. From the moment I’ve had the conversation, this is the end of it.” and would take it off then.

So everyone’s experience, when it comes to this, was completely different. So I suppose the point I’m trying to get across here is that depending on how the relationship was going, how it ended, what had happened throughout the duration that you were together, all had bearings on how people and when people took off their wedding ring. In a lot of cases, the ring is a symbol of respect. The respect that you are with someone, that you were loyal to [00:08:00] someone, all of those sorts of things depending on what religion you’re from, as to what that ring means to you.

I think also– My research showed that according to tradition, the Romans believed that the wedding ring was worn on the left-hand ring finger, and the reason for that was because the vein on that finger was called The Vine of Love and it was said to be directly connected to the heart and that’s why we wore the ring on that finger. There’s a lot of history behind it as well.

But if you are newly separated and you’re still wearing your wedding ring and you’re wondering when you should take it off, I suppose the easiest way to answer that is when you are ready. You need to do it when the time is right for you. There could be many reasons why you haven’t taken it off. Like for me, it was a sense of security and it just meant I didn’t need to deal with people asking me questions when I wasn’t ready to answer them. But you [00:09:00] could also just do it in a phased approach. So start taking it off bit by bit until you’re used to not wearing it at all.

I remember when I took mine off. The indentation, and it’s still there till today, on my finger having worn a wedding ring for that long had pretty much deformed my wedding finger up the top because there had been no sunlight had got there. Like, I know it’s pretty gross, but the fat had dispersed differently so it was thinner up the top of my wedding ring finger and there was– Even when I took it off there was such a massive sign that I had been married. Like it was like I had been scarred by the relationship if that made any sense. When I did take it off, I then had to deal with that as well. Not having a wedding band on or an engagement ring can mean so many different things to so many different people. The honest truth is you just need to do what is right for you [00:10:00] and it will all work out no matter what. It’s not a big deal but a lot of people ask this question of me.

That’s it for this week. This has only really been a short podcast because, really, everyone’s opinion of this is different and you’ve just got to do what’s right for you and your work it out. I’m sure. It’s not a big deal in the end of the day. It’s only what feels right for you and the people in your life. So until next week. I’ll talk to you then. Bye for now.

 

 

 

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