Mostly linked with pain and affliction, tears have a negative reputation. Since we are little kids, almost every time we cried someone would shut it down, please, stop crying. As a result of that kind of reactions, we grow up tending to avoid shedding tears, in some cases hiding in the shadows to cry. Still, these beliefs couldn’t be further from the truth. Research shows that the act of crying has a positive impact on the human body; it can even release endorphins. In this episode, I’ll be glad to explain what I mean when I say that befriending your tears is a good thing. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

People in my life that never cried [00:01:00] 

What does it mean when people don’t cry? [00:04:00] 

Why should you embrace crying? [00:06:00] 

The feeling of someone having our back [00:08:00] 

The white flag in the middle of an argument [00:10:00] 

Some of the benefits of crying [00:12:00] 

Links

15-Minute Clarity Call

https://msgsndr.com/widget/booking?calendar=kcpWfO0ij7Aq2u4TzFEk

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

 

Transcription 

Hey there everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. I’m so excited to be here with you today, and I’m going to talk about something that well, it’s pretty close to my heart. I’m a big crier, actually, a huge crier. I will cry at anything that is on TV that will evoke some form of emotional response.

For me, for years, I’ve been embarrassed by my tears. I’ve tried to hide them. I’ve tried every single trick and tactic there is to prevent crying. From watching one of my children in a play at school, having a conversation with someone that’s had an excellent outcome, watching someone else cry makes me cry. The list goes on and on. 

The interesting thing is a lot of men in my life have never cried. I remember my father, to be honest, even when my mum and dad got divorced, I can’t remember seeing my dad cry. All I can remember was his anger. From what I witnessed, he was never sad.

He was only outraged by what had happened.

READ MORE

The only time I’ve seen my dad cry was because of his golden retriever, who became his best mate after my mum and dad’s marriage ended. He had this golden retriever, Jack, for probably 12 years. When Jack passed away, I remember meeting dad at the vet. The vet said that, unfortunately, Jack had to be put down and my dad sitting on the floor, holding his dog, crying his eyes out.

That is really one of the memories I have of him crying. When I think of my ex-husband, even when our children were born, I don’t think he ever cried. I don’t think he cried even when we broke up and we were negotiating and navigating our way through our separation. Like he was a very kind and gentle man, but I never saw him cry. Not even when I cried. He would look at me and not cry. 

Richard, my current husband, who I’ve spoken about on many occasions, and I know you guys all know that I love him to pieces. He’s a big, strong man, and he has a robust job. He’s been a member of the Australian forces, he’s a commercial diver.

He’s just a man’s man. I had witnessed my husband cry, and it is one of the sexiest things I have ever seen in a man. I love seeing him cry. And when I say that, I don’t mean I want him to be upset and cry, but when he does it, it shows me that he is human and I love, love, love, love, love, love that about him.

So I wanted to talk today about why it’s so crucial for us to be friends with our tears. Humans shed tears in response to feeling emotional. And it’s when we’re emotional that it tells us that we’re alive. If we’ve been dead inside for so long that we can’t even share a tear, it shows how hard some people have become.

And there’s been scientific research about crying and why some people cry and why some people don’t.

What does it mean when people don’t cry? Does that mean that they aren’t socially connected to other people? It doesn’t mean that they don’t feel things like other people do. With my eldest son, I learnt very early on once we were hanging upside down on the monkey bars when he was four years old. He was watching and following me, I was up there doing it, and he thought he could do it too. And he fell, and he put his arm on the ground. And as he put his arm on the floor, he’s radius and ulna both snapped in half, and he had a compound fracture. Now, this little boy was four years old, and we were quite a way from the park. I had to get his brother and sister into there praying, whilst trying to also navigate him home because we’d walk to the park so I could get him to the hospital. Now I was absolutely fearful. I could see he’s bones hanging out, but he never cried for a moment. And when we got to the hospital to the emergency department, the doctors had to give me something to calm me down because I was so worried about him. Still, he was just there, Oh, look at my arm. Years later, we’ve learned that he’s level of pain is so much higher. What he can take is so much higher than the average person. So he’s gotta be careful because sometimes he had perforated eardrums, and had just got on with it. Hasn’t even realized. Some would say a little bit superhuman, but it can be a problem in those instances.

But does he cry? Yes, he cries. He does it when he’s emotional, not when hurt. 

So what’s the point of these podcasts today? I want people to fully embrace the ability to cry because we’re not brought up this way. When you think about it, when we’re children, we are told, Oh, stop crying, don’t be ridiculous. And maybe that’s the story that we’ve been telling ourselves. 

Probably the story that I’ve been telling myself. I’ve tried every tip and technique when I’m watching a show. When I go, Oh, here it comes. And I get embarrassed. And all of a sudden I’ve got these tears running down the side of my face and I’m bright red.

And to be honest, I’m an ugly crier, but. I’ve tried the tongue on the roof of my mouth. I’ve tried thinking of other things. I wanted to do it all, but now I just embrace it. If I’m going to cry, I’m going to cry. And that’s what I love the most about people’s emotions. When they really allow themselves to move into the feeling, it has benefits.

There’s been quite a lot of research that when a person cries, there are a few different sorts of tears. For instance, if you’re crying because you’re emotional, it means that your body is relieving some form of stress. And scientists have found that those tears compared to the ones from chopping onions have a higher level of protein in them.

And this is amazing. If right now you’re sad or you’re overwhelmed, and you feel like crying all the time, just do it because the crying is what is going to help you get through it, you know? 

Tears trigger social bonding and human connection. And it could just be, that’s what you’re wanting.

You’re wanting someone to give you a hug. You’re wanting someone to tell you it’s gonna be okay. There’s support out there. We humans, you know, we live in packs. We like knowing that someone has our back. And sometimes what is physically or emotionally outside of our capabilities is what makes us feel overwhelmed, helpless, and vulnerable. And it’s those tears and releasing that stress hormone that can sometimes make us feel better.

So researchers have found the benefits of crying can sometimes outweigh. Those signs of weakness or what I spoke about at the start, my kids will tell you, Oh, she’s off again. They actually find it funny the things that I can cry at. I suppose I’ve become very good at it, but because I’m emotional, that’s why I’m good at my job too.

I like seeing people succeed. I love having a happy cry because someone has done something that I didn’t think they were capable of. But I’m also prepared to have a cry when I’m feeling a little bit sad, or something hasn’t gone right. Crying has a smoothing effect. It can help regulate your emotions and calm you down, and it can reduce your stress.

So when you hold it back, you’re actually keeping inside of you, things that your body wants to release. And when you get support from others, tears can also reduce aggression. 

When you’re having an argument with your ex, and it’s got too much. You think I’m not getting anywhere and all of a sudden, someone cries, whether it be you or them.

What happens is the tears, they’re like a white flag. Like, let’s just calm all this down. Let’s stop the aggression, let’s regroup. 

Tears can be good. Scientists have also found that crying can help relieve pain, whether that be emotional or physical. The chemicals in our tears, they can make you feel better. They have a physical and emotional effect on pain because they release endorphins. 

And those endorphins promote a sense of wellbeing. And how many times have you had a cry or you’ve heard someone that said, Oh my God, I’ve been really teary, but I felt so much better afterwards? That’s because the endorphins are being released and crying can help lift someone’s spirits, and it can make them feel better later.

It’s like a rebirthing, like getting that out of you and. Then you can pick yourself now that’s all gone. All that pressure is out of you, and now you can just regroup and get on with it. Crying and releasing tears, release the toxicity, those chemicals that are making you feel all of the destructive emotions, the hate, the anger, the aggression. You’re able to get rid of all that. And that, that’s a good thing. Isn’t it? I mean, ask yourself, is that a good thing? I think it is. 

Being able to cry also allows you to sleep because you get exhausted. So many people want to try and hide the real them. But if you need to just cry, you should.

I’ve got a mate at the moment who has come to his own. He used to pretend he was this big strong man. And now he’s finding that things are happening after he’s relationship breakdown. That the only way he can get through it is by releasing the pressure, and that’s the tears. And some guys might look at him and think, Oh, he’s just such a suck. But isn’t it a good thing if he can release that, get it all out of him, like wash it all away? And then waking up feels better. Everything looks brighter. That’s the ability to be friends with your tears. So you take out today’s, don’t hide them. If you need to cry, release them. There are chemicals in them, your body is doing it for a reason. Allow yourself to feel the useful chemicals from having a good, ugly, hot, painful cry. Just do it, embrace it. 

And don’t be surprised that if we do have a chat and you touch me emotionally, that you find, I go quiet on the phone. It’s normal because you’ve touched something in me and made me really, really be grateful that you’re in my life.

Okay. My darling friends, that’s it for this week. And I’ll talk to you next week. Bye. For now.

Recent Episodes

You Are A Gift In The Making

Sometimes people tell us things that can dig deep in our unconscious thoughts. Perhaps they are trying to help us, and still, the effect is the opposite; we...

read more

It’s Not Your Fault

After we go through a process of separation or divorce, it's common to spend a lot of time alone with our thoughts. Trying to find the answer to why it...

read more

Follow Us

About  |  Terms  |  Contact