Sometimes people tell us things that can dig deep in our unconscious thoughts. Perhaps they are trying to help us, and still, the effect is the opposite; we start doubting ourselves, we start second-guessing every decision. And every difficult moment we sort out in our separation process has several effects on us; they make us grow, they teach us, and they transform us. That’s why it is vital we trust ourselves at all times. 

Today’s episode is about being aware of the content and the context of our past and future relationships to understand what’s the best path into our evolution. After all the hard work you’ll go through, you’ll find out that you are a gift in the making. 

Let’s get into it:

 

Timestamps

Looking a little bit deeper at what you see in the mirror [00:02:00] 

Short recap about context and content [00:04:00] 

When you lose self-confidence [00:06:00] 

Living in autopilot [00:08:00] 

Behaving in the way we want to be treated [00:10:00] 

Learning about ourselves [00:12:00]

The evolution of YOU [00:14:00] 

People that stood up and their results [00:16:00]

Links

Listen to my previous episode:

Episode #95 – It’s Not Your Fault

15-Minute Clarity Call

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

Join my Free Facebook Group here

Divorce Roadmap Session

 

Transcription

Hey, everyone. And welcome back to this week’s podcast. Wow. We’re really close to our hundredth episode, and I’m really, I’m so blessed. I really am so blessed this week. I just completed a five-week program with some of my clients, helping them understand how to change what has not worked in their life?

What do I mean by that? What I mean is sometimes we have things right in front of us that we cannot even see. 

Now, when I say see, I mean more than what you see with your eyes.

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So what is it that when you look at someone, not only do you see with your eyes? When you look at and use your vision, you’re looking at a picture, but when I say, what do you see?

I’m asking you to consider it a little bit more. I’m asking you to feel, look, and maybe have a little bit of a deeper understanding of what you are actually looking at. Hopefully, that makes sense. 

So in our Restore Me program that we’ve just completed. In my corporate terminology, I would say it was a deep dive into individuals’ personalities and the things right in front of us that we don’t even know about ourselves.

So this podcast I wanted to talk about. You are a gift in the making. And I genuinely believe in each, and every one of us is a gift. And when we go through incredibly emotional times, such as what you are dealing with right now, it’s hard to even imagine that you are a gift. Now there’s a difference here too.

In what I am saying right now, I want you to understand it. Listen to what I am saying. I’m telling you are a gift and not; life is a gift. You are a gift. And when we understand the difference between those two sentences, you are a gift, and life is a gift. That’s where the significant alterations, let’s call them alterations, to what maybe has not been working for you starts to appear. I’m going to talk in the next few weeks, and I talked about it last week, the difference between content and context. Let’s just recap on that.

So if you haven’t listened to any of my podcasts before, go back and listen to last week’s podcasts before listening to the rest of this because you must understand content and context.

Let’s recap because how we learn is through repetition; repetition over and over again is how we get things, you know, running on autopilot. 

So let’s just recap, content is your environment. Content is where you live, where you work. Your hobbies, your sports, even your friendship groups, they are your environment.

The other thing that happens in content is when other people’s opinions are pushed onto you, and you consider what you are hearing. Some of us will be like Teflon, and those other people’s views just wash straight our face. They don’t mean anything. What happens when people are going through a relationship breakdown? In many cases, other people’s opinions turn you into a sponge.

You’ll no longer Teflon. You’re the complete opposite. You suck in everything that everyone else is saying to you. Why? Because here is the key. You found yourself in the position that you’re in right now because of the decisions you’ve made throughout your life. So without you actually even knowing it.

You do not trust yourself. You do not trust yourself to make any decisions. You do not trust yourself to fully understand what it is that you need. So you’re in this emotional turmoil of second-guessing everything. And in many cases, just complete inaction. Because it’s easier to do nothing than to do something and it is wrong.

So when other people are telling you something, you think, well, they must be right. Look at them. They’re happy. They’ve got everything that they need, whatever the case may be, but you’re looking at them, and you’re seeing that they’re not as broken as what I am right now. So they must be right. Here’s the thing. It’s not true. 

You are just not trusting yourself. So other people’s opinion also fits in the content side of your life. Our individual thoughts are on the content side of our lives, but our personal beliefs are formed by the context in which we live. 

So let’s talk about the context for a second. Context is our unconscious thoughts. It’s where we are operating on autopilot without even knowing it. And like I spoke about last week. How many of you, because I’ve done this, you get in a car, you drive to where you need to go, and you get out, and you wonder, how did I even get here? I can’t remember stopping at the stoplight.

I can’t remember, you know, even the last 15 minutes because your body has done it so many times that you automatically are just operating on autopilot. And programming comes from the context side of your brain. So programming is you’ve been in a relationship for such a long time that you will be like a trained seal.

You were trained to be who you are right now. You’re prepared to behave the way you are instructed. Not to allow that other person’s emotions to get out of hand. So in some cases, what many people will do, even though they know what their partner is saying to them, is not correct. If they don’t like conflict, they just either allow it to be told and don’t retaliate or don’t defend themselves. Or what happens is they just it’s like pins. Did they just keep attacking you, and before you know it, you’ve got these pins all through your chest? You’re all full of holes because they just keep firing at you all of the time.

And rather than stand up, because you’ve been so trained to be the person you are, it’s just like every time it hits you in the chest, it’s a boom, boom, boom. You feel it. That’s how you feel it. And you know that you’ve got to do something about protecting yourself. But you’ve been so trained to be who you are or to allow that other person’s behaviours you’ve allowed that to happen.

And that’s the truth, you’ve let them be who they are. 

Something one of my mentors once said to me is when we very first start a relationship, we need to train the other person into how we want to be treated. We need to behave in the way that we want to be treated, but when we’re young and we’re immature, and we fall in love, and we want the other person to love us.

Sometimes we put their needs above our own, and that’s when chaos can happen later on in life. So hopefully that makes sense. 

We’ve got the content and the context of a relationship. So when we’re talking about you being the gift in the making, just because something has happened, it’s headed you down this line way of unhappiness right now.

What decides what you’re feeling right now; what you’re experiencing right now; what you’re going through right now is not meant to be what if right now; everything that is happening to you is teaching you something that you would not have learned at any other time in your life. A lot of us look at this when we’re going through it, as painful, as destructive as emotionally wrecking, whatever the other word you would like to put on it.

And I get it because I was there. I’ve been through it, and I’ve experienced just like you have, but what we don’t understand until later on. And when we come to terms with everything is what happened at that moment was the greatest gift we could ever have received. And if you think about it in life, you know, there are polarities, isn’t there? You’re talking about different, completely different ends of the spectrum.

And it’s at those different ends of the spectrum where we really push ourselves. Right now in the pain and hurt you’re living in, you are at the end of the spectrum. But from that pain and hurt that you’re living through right now, you are learning things about yourself—strengths, abilities, how powerful you actually can be.

You’re witnessing right now in front of your eyes evolution of you. A gross of you that would not have happened unless you had to experience the horrors that you’re feeling right now, because whether it’s a year from now two years from now, or like research says, most study says it takes five years to get over a divorce.

I’d beg to differ. I don’t think it does. If you’ve got the right team and the right experts and the right direction, you can get over it much sooner, but if you go it alone, the research says it can take up to five years to get to a divorce. Even if it takes five years, isn’t it five years from now and five years from now being happy better? Then wasting another five years in complete and utter unhappiness.

If you think about the evolution of you. Imagine what is possible in five years after you can look back and go, wow, I dealt with all of that. I survived all of that. I can do anything, look at what I’ve just been through. And that’s the gift of you.

You are, without a doubt, an evolution in time. Every minute your cells are changing. Some are dying, some are growing. It’s been said that become new people every seven months. Like that’s how quickly things are changing in our body. But within seven months, we’ve got a whole new set of cells.

So I often like to say seven months from now, I’m going to be a whole different person to what I am right now today. And the same is true for you. So it might feel like you just simply cannot keep going. But listen to me, when I say you are a gift in the making, you are a gift, you are the gift to you.

And I know sometimes it’s very, very hard, but I have witnessed some amazing transformations in human beings that have come into my office who have simply been unable to even think about their next step. They are now leaving exceptional lives and absolute happiness. Because they stood up and they, they learnt from whatever it was, it wasn’t working.

And whether it’s your decision or your spouse’s decision, doesn’t matter. What we do next, that makes the most difference in your life.

Sorry. This has been a little bit of a heavy one, hasn’t it? But I felt like I had to talk about these today because I’ve noticed when I’m having clarity calls with clients, it seems to be this undercurrent of people that think that they’re filed. They believe that they’ve done wrong. They feel that they’ve made these massive mistakes.

They feel so bad, but we could use the Caterpillar analogy. We’ve been uncovering it in our Restore Me program. And the feedback has been excellent. So we’ll be rerunning this program early next year. I’ll be letting you all know when we will be launching that. Still, we will be definitely going about this again next year because the people that have been in it have certainly seen massive evolvement and awareness of things that they just didn’t understand or hadn’t really seen before. And that’s, what’s so great about all of this at any minute. You can choose to be who you want to be, just because your life has led you down a path. It doesn’t mean that path you need to stay on. You can always change directions. But maybe you just need a hand in knowing what that might be anyway, that’s it for this week.

I’m about to go out with my mother-in-law and spend a lovely day with her. So I hope you’re also doing something unique today and treat yourself kindly. Treat yourself kindly because you are a gift. You are a gift. All right. My darlings, I will talk to you again next week. Bye. For now.

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