Today’s episode is about happiness. How to get to it and how to make happiness a state of mind.

Sometimes everything looks about to collapse around us, and it does not matter how fiercely we fight it, sadness and sorrow seems to be undefeatable. Reality is most of the times this is just stories we tell ourselves.

Going throw a divorce is one of the most stressful processes someone can face, and everyone deals with it uniquely. There is no time established to start or stop feeling this or that way. But there is, although, no need at all of being sad or hurt forever.

“You have the power to be happy” teaches a simple exercise that will take you to a happy state of mind in a few seconds.

Timestamps:

The importance of repetition in the process of learning. [00:01:00]

The things we can do for ourselves. [00:02:00]

Why we can’t find a way out of our problems. [00:03:00]

A simple exercise to reach happiness. [00:04:00]

Some of Tanya’s happy places. [00:07:00]

How to reach happiness from the inside out. [00:11:00]

Uncovering our clients greatest struggles. [00:14:00]

Be silly, nobody’s watching. [00:17:00]

 

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

[00:00:00] Welcome back once again to the divorce angel podcast. I’m so glad you’re here and I just wanted to say thank you. I’m so grateful for allowing me to come into your life, whether this be the first one that you’ve listened to or you’ve listened to all of them, or just a few. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your busy schedule, and I hope that you get some value add of what I am bringing to you.

It’s important to me to make sure that even just a little nugget of what I say will sink in and make a difference to you. You might have to listen to some of these podcasts over and over again because repetition is the key to comprehending something.

READ MORE

[00:01:00] 

Sometimes when you listen to something again, or you repeat it, you will hear a whole different lesson that you didn’t pick up the previous time. Please go back and listen to some of them again if you are dealing with certain things in your life. 

For me, the key podcast that I have all around my five steps to a seamless divorce, which is the structure one: The victim-overwhelmed acceptance, Focus, and Victor, where we all ultimately want to get. Listen to those because they’re key to helping you get through the steps of what you need to do. 

In this podcasts, I wanted to have a chat about one of the most amazing things that we can do for ourselves. It brings [00:02:00] so much wealth to our lives, yet it is overlooked and it is happiness. 

Happiness is something that no one else can bring to your life. You have to have it on the inside first. You must feel happy on the inside for it to come out and make a difference to your external life. 

It’s taken me a long time to learn this lesson. To be honest, I’m still learning it. It’s something that I still on days to grapple with, but it’s something that I’m very mindful of and aware of. My happiness comes from my inside out. 

Recently I was talking to a client and she was in a very, very dark place. She was “I can’t do this. I can’t [00:03:00] deal with it”. And like I spoke about last week, these were just stories she was telling herself, and she was in the overwhelmed stage of my five steps. She was in overwhelm. It was just all so hard. It was all too much, but they were just stories she was telling herself. 

The negative conversation she was having in her mind, which then caused her to have these feelings, kept her where she was.

How did I get her out of that position? It was easy and it’d be easy for you as well. 

What you need to do when you think that everything is too much and he can’t deal with it, is you need to think of a place where you were at your happiest. We all got those moments. 

Now for her, she had just been away overseas and had witnessed something that brought tears to her eyes.

She, as soon as I asked her, [00:04:00]  was able to recite to me this event that had happened. So I said to her, what you need to do is imagine that there is this beautiful blue light coming from the roof. If you’re standing outside, it’s coming from the sky. 

This blue light is going through the top of your head and it’s travelling down through the middle of your body. It’s going through your hips and it’s down to your feet and into the ground. 

At that moment when you imagine that light, you need to recall that moment of happiness that brought you so much joy that you felt the feelings.

Those feelings were just so amazing that you can recall them like it was yesterday. [00:05:00] Now she did this. Quite a few times and she rang me up and she said, you’ve got no idea, Tanya, how just getting those emote motions back into my body and making me remember that there is a life worth living. I do have a purpose and I can be happy.

All of a sudden all of the issues that seem to be so bad and hard for her to deal with, they weren’t issues any longer because she felt happy. She knew that there was a place inside her that she could go to, and it would bring her joy. If you’re feeling like that, do the same exercise.

Consider a place when you were at your happiest, whether it be the birth of your children, whether it could be lying on a beach. 

It’s interesting for me because of my happy place changes. One of them is when I go diving. I love [00:06:00] laying on the bottom of the ocean and watching where there’s a current. The life under the ocean moving back and forth in front of me. Sometimes I’ll just lay there and I just can not imagine that this was made. It’s just simply amazing what goes on under there.

And that can sometimes be my happy place. And then other times I will go into a field of beautiful flowers and the wind’s blowing and the flowers are just moving back and forth. And that’s where I find happiness. 

It doesn’t need to be an event, it can be a place. I’ve had it where I’ve been sitting there and all of a sudden just been thinking about one of these places with my eyes shut, thinking about how happy my [00:07:00] life is and how blessed I am, and I’ll have tears rolling down my eyes because of the joy that this brings to me. 

I know for a fact that this works. 

It would be great if you consider doing these sorts of meditations and seeing what you can do to be happy on the inside. 

Why do I say this? Well, when I was married to my ex-husband, we had been married for 22 years, we had never even had a night of a night apart. We were together all of the time, and I look back now and say that he’s happiness relied on me being with him rather than him being happy on the inside.

Fast forward to where I [00:08:00] am today, I’m happily remarried. But the difference between my life today is chalk and chase because I knew what was not right before, and what I wanted in my next check. 

My new husband, Richard, he travels the world fishing for Australia. He was a commercial diver, so he used to be off on oil rigs for periods, or he would be doing onshore work and he would have to leave, and we spent quite a lot of time apart.

Now, women will often say, when their husband or their boyfriend is going away or doing something, I can’t believe that he’s not putting me first. As we talked about last week, this is just stories that you’re telling yourself.

I don’t need Richard to be around me [00:09:00] 24/7 for me to be happy. Don’t get me wrong. I love him, but our time is about quality time, not about quantity of time.

Because he loves what he does so much, and that’s the fishing, whether he’s travelling the world or whether he’s just doing a local in Australia, or whether it’s just at a Bay in front of our house, he’s at his happiest and when he comes home to me because he’s happy, I’m happy.

Like a superpower. That’s how I like to explain it. And that’s how the picture is in my head. 

What I’m trying to say is I don’t need him to be around for me to be happy. I had that happiness on the inside. I don’t need another person to make me happy.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the company and I love spending time with [00:10:00] people. But I’m also happy in myself, and happiness comes from the inside. 

If at the moment things are hard, and just can’t see how you’re going to get out of it, this simple exercise that I explained at the start is something that you should consider doing.

Consider thinking of the most special moment you’ve had, pick a time where you’ve been happy and you felt that your chest just swelled up, and you thought it was going to pop out and your heart was full of love.

Think about that time and you can feel the emotions that you felt at that moment, [00:11:00] and you can replicate them over and over again. That’s when you will be happy on the inside. 

Why is this important? Well, when you are happy on the inside, you leave a completely different life.

I don’t need to have a lot of money. I’ve previously spoken about how we lived on an acre and a half, had the two flash cars in the driveway, the tennis court and the pool. The kids went to private school. Those things which I thought were making me happy weren’t. Today, if I think about it, I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, but my life is very simple now.

I don’t need all of the positions and I don’t need all of those things that I used to think I needed. I don’t need to go shopping every day or buying new possessions, because those possessions don’t make me happy. Even though [00:12:00] before I thought they were. 

And I would go shopping and spend money and all I was doing when I was doing that, I was just trying to hide my emotions.

And I see this quite often with women. Women who have spending problems normally have those problems because they are looking for that instant gratification. If I buy these, this will make me feel better, but unfortunately, the debt goes on their credit card and that instant gratification that they felt right there goes very quickly and it doesn’t fix the problem.

There’s nothing that external factors can do to make you happy. 

The other thing that I often do and has been known to make us happy as well is just play tunes. Get a song list [00:13:00] that just inspires you and be stupid. Run around the house dancing and whatever it is that will make you feel like a free spirit.

Move your arms, tap your feet, sing out loud. Those endorphins that you feel at that particular time makes you feel happy. And that’s what you need to do. 

Don’t leave in the unhappiness because it perpetuates and it doesn’t get any better. You can change at any moment where you are. 

Thinking of that, a story that I can recall is I have never gone to see Tony Robbins, but a few months ago I got given some free tickets.

So I went with a girlfriend and he talks about it all the time. You can change from being very unhappy to happy. In a click of [00:14:00] fingers, but you need to know how to do that. And that’s what I’m saying to you right now, don’t get in the habit of being unhappy.

Don’t tell yourself these stories about why you’re unhappy and poor me and how did I find myself here, and this isn’t fair. Because that’s when we live in “victim”. We’ve got every right to be there, and don’t get me wrong, I was in “victim” for a while as well until I highlighted it.

What I’m saying is it’s okay if this is all just happened to you and it’s all very confronting. It’s okay to be in victim right now, but you need to move out of it as quickly as you can. And you do that by finding some inner peace and happiness. 

You might think to yourself, Tanya, you’re on another planet because how can everything that I’m going through right now, which is a life-changing, how can I find happiness?

[00:15:00] Psychologists have done research and they’ve said that divorce is the second most stressful time in a person’s life. So I’m not saying what you’re going through isn’t stressful, isn’t sad, it is.

Because everyone’s reaction to it is different, but what I am saying is don’t let it be your identity. And if you do feel like that and you are mourning the loss of your relationship, think about how your life could be different. How your life can be better. What it is that you can learn from the lessons of the relationship and what you’ve gone through, and how you can turn your life around.

And there’s no time frame on this. Everyone takes as long as they take to get through it because it’s a mourning. But if you’ve sat or you’ve been in this unhappiness now for quite a time and you’re bitter and you’re twisted, you don’t want to live your life like that.

[00:16:00] It gets you nowhere. It’s negative emotions that you’re using to just try and hide the hurt that you feel. 

Happiness comes from the inside. You do not need a man or a woman to be with you to be a happy person. You can be that person by yourself. 

When you have conversations with people, there’s gonna be a happiness about you. People will be saying, how is she or he feeling like that? And it all starts on the inside. 

So as I say, dance like nobody’s watching, and my kids get quite embarrassed by my dancing, but I don’t care because [00:17:00] I’m happy on the inside.

And if there’s one gift I can give to you. It’s the knowledge to know that you can be happy again and you have the power within you to turn your life around. 

So that’s it for this week. I’m sending you all my love.

 

 

Recent Episodes

Follow Us

About  |  Terms  |  Contact