Regardless of the kind of marriage you had, a divorce can take you to dark, cold places. Even if it looks like you will stay in these places forever, you won’t. Life, like everything on this planet, has its seasons. And every season is followed by the next one to maintain balance and keep the cycle of life flowing smoothly. So if right now you feel like your life looks a lot like a harsh winter, relax, spring is just one season away.

Let’s get into it

Timestamps

Life’s seasons [00:01:00]

Knowing where are we going [00:04:30]

Why are you here? How did you get here? [00:06:00]

An opportunity to learn valuable lessons [00:07:30]

The things that matter in life [00:09:00]

You may need to hear this right NOW [00:10:30]

The way we talk to ourselves [00:12:00]

Links

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Transcription

Hey there, everyone. Welcome to this week’s podcast. I wanted to talk to you today about two different things.

But first, I wanted to start off with the seasons of life. Here where I live in Australia, down here in Victoria, on the Mornington Peninsula, every day around four o’clock, the sea breeze comes in. 

And right now we’re in winter and suddenly at four o’clock temperature seems to drop. It seems to plummet. And it’s mostly because of this sea breeze that comes in that I was thinking about it. And there’s no doubt that even in life, and you’ve probably heard it before, or you may or may not have realised that there is something called the seasons of life. 

I don’t know which one of the seasons is your favourite. In my case, there’s no doubt about it, I am a sun lover. 

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I usually lay on my asphalt driveway, and the poor postman thinks that I’ve actually had an accident, and I’m actually laying there, sunning myself like a lizard. He still jokes about that now.

For me, it is everything. It’s the heat, the long days, it’s the dry air. It makes me happy. It makes my heart sing. I feel like a different person in summer to how I feel in winter. And there’s no doubt that in winter, I get the winter blues. The days are shorter. They’re colder and windier. There’s less that we can do.

I think the other thing is the lights are on in the house. 

It’s chalk and cheese. The seasons are so different. But in between those two seasons, we have autumn and spring and.

In spring, new life arises. Butterflies, flowers are blooming and all of those things.

And our there’s no doubt our lives go through these journeys as well. Right now, you might be about to live autumn and entering winter, or you’re coming out of winter and going into spring. The reason I say that is if you’re just starting this journey, everything is starting to feel a little bit dark and gloomy.

You can sense that things are about to get cold and you may or may not have realised that they are the seasons of life. And, you know, I recall them vividly, and maybe that’s why I hate winter. 

Okay, that’s not true because I’ve always disliked winter. I’ve never, ever loved anything cold.

The seasons of life are what make us actually appreciate when things are good. So what you’re dealing with right now, while it’s hard and you feel like you’re struggling. All I can say is the old analogy around the rainbow and what is at the end of the rainbow. And as you become happier, the birds chirping, the sun shining and the days getting longer will start to happen to you. As well as you go through this journey of separation and trying to find your feet. Trying to see where you fit into this equation.

You probably don’t know what you should be doing. You don’t know what steps you should be taking. And the uncertainty like the weather in winter is what you are struggling with. 

Most people want to understand how the outcome looks. Because if we realised where we were going, it makes it so much easier to go with the flow and let everything happen.

One of the great peaches that I have in my mind when things get too hard usually is it’s hard because we’re pushing against something and it’s not flowing smoothly. 

A great analogy of that is if you could imagine a strain, a stream of water free-flowing. Imagine that you put a stick in that water and suddenly the water goes around it. The water changed its flow all of a sudden, rather than being free-flowing. And there’s something that’s dividing it. And it sort of lost the ability to be so powerful. The stick has stopped the power in the momentum, and that’s, what’s happening.

Right now, you’ve made a decision, or a decision has been forced upon you, which all of a sudden makes you stop and wonder about what it is that you’re here to do. Why are you here? What were you meant to do and how did it turn out like this?

If I go back to the seasons of life, what I’ve learned not only from myself but from other people, is after you go through the coldness of winter, spring starts to happen.

Your energy changes, your body starts to warm up. Your smile gets bigger. Things just seem to happen. And when they do, you appreciate them so much more because you’ve been through the coldness of winter and you don’t want to go back. You want to enjoy every day. Hopefully, this makes sense to you; I think what I’m trying to get across is what you are dealing with right now.

It’s not forever. It’s just a season in your life. And if you keep getting up every day, you put your socks on, put your shoes on, do your hair and do what needs to be done. You look back whether it be tomorrow, or two weeks or even six months, and you will recall the season of your life when everything seemed too hard.

But you did it anyway, you got through it, and you are going to be bigger and brighter and healthier. And the exciting part will be those people that go through the seasons of life, they learn lessons that the people that haven’t. They will not have the skills that you have got while you deal with what you’re dealing right now. And I want you to remember that. 

When I say to you that it might be a gift. I mean it with the most loving context. Maybe what you are dealing with right now can be a gift. It can be a gift that can change the way you think, it can change the way you act. It can make you appreciate things that you never thought about recognising before. 

We fight over finances when we’re going through a divorce because we want to be secure in our future.

The interesting thing is it always has been, and it always will be okay. No matter what happens tomorrow, you will be okay. 

And that I know for sure because when I speak to people, they’ll often say at the time the problems that I had and the issues that I felt was so significant. I look back now and realise they simply weren’t. 

I want you to understand you should not be too tough on yourself. Just go with the flow, let the stream do what it needs to do.

And everything will work out okay. I promise

Does this mean something to you? Because there’s something in me telling me that I needed to do this podcast today. I needed to say this because it might be you listening right now that need to hear this. Know it’ll be okay. I promise you. You’re going to get through it. Spring is only a season of way. And when spring comes, so does new growth, new life, hotter weather and beautiful long days. 

And at the start, I said that I wanted to talk to you about two things today. And the second thing is which I’ve spoken about before, but I just want to reiterate to you.

How do you talk to yourself? Make sure you are kind when you speak to yourself in your head. Your subconscious mind believes everything that you say. You would not walk into a supermarket or talk to someone on public transport, the way you speak to yourself. How do I know? I also did the same thing. I remember talking to myself, how did I get here? I must be so stupid. Really? How could I have let this happen? And it went on and on. 

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about because you’re probably doing the same thing right now, but here’s the challenge.

We didn’t know all of these things come off it. If we knew it, we wouldn’t have put ourselves in this position. It’s no one’s fault, it is what it is, and there are lessons to be learned. 

Now, if I was to talk to you in three, four, five years from now, and you jump back into another relationship and make the same mistakes again. We would be having a serious conversation.

But right now, you are learning like everyone else. We’re all here on this earth to learn our lessons. And it’s what you do with those lessons that mean the most. 

So remember when you wake up in the morning, and you look in the mirror, and you say to yourself, wow, I am looking old. I’m looking tired. I can’t believe I find myself here. Whatever it is that you are saying to yourself, just remember if you would not say it to someone else, stop saying it to yourself. Just stop because you don’t deserve to be hard on yourself right now. 

I’ll be back next week. All right, bye. For now.

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